午餐用膳後，男生們大多會將多餘時間花在學校操場，或場上打籃球，或場外觀賽。我亦不例外，在場邊與同學輕聲討論打球技巧。忘形之際，一個籃球高速自後側飛來，狠狠砸中我右耳耳背。場中男生上前向我連聲道歉，我只道不要緊。男生拾球後繼續回場較勁，沒把事情放心上。當然，我也沒所謂，小事一椿。291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡraHosjWrr2
291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJYsaK8SPEP
令我在意的反倒是球場另邊有個陌生男生對我微笑。291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJIucLIKaI6
291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxsljVnxu9p
匆匆一笑，半秒即逝。他轉頭跟身邊友人繼續說說笑笑。我挺肯定自己想多了——對方不是故意對著我笑，僅是他的站立姿勢及面向角度湊巧朝著我這邊來。291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3MqPbz2dO1
291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRLMqtjsaAw
但我還是記住了那抹笑容，記住了他的臉容氣質，記住日光照在他臉營造出來的明暗。291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡINSE1LOPS3
291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnBcJtjkZmU
為何記住？我解釋不了。291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1KDRQa077U
291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdt2hRZ4GTl
好幾個月過去，夏天轉換為冬。颯颯寒風成功減少場邊女生數目，男生仍然在此閒聊逛蕩。同行朋友忽爾興起，動身到場裡打球。我笑笑婉拒，說吃飽想睡不想動。291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ08GkLc3Hdi
291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFADShaa1AR
我獨坐長椅一邊，納悶之際，兩個男生前來佔坐長椅另端空位。291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJbXrbxLq8h
291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOB5ntOpCd2
其中一個是他。291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡceDm5ZAe3f
291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDZNAbbjlEV
那笑那臉那明暗，歷歷在目。291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7bf27HjlDW
291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvbGwiWbAPX
心頭一顫，我馬上別過臉去。數秒後，我稍為冷靜，意識到自己的失態，佯裝無異，繼續觀看球賽。不過他似乎察覺我的異樣，有意無意對我展露笑容——一個意味深長的笑容。291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNO6uwpm910
291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡI3htWqtpja
我尷尬離座回課室去。走樓梯至三樓時，他竟從後叫住我。291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡk4uY1pyw8s
291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwkm8vslxD4
「你遺下銀包。」291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9gU8ZmG8a9
291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJmtsOsCdyB
「謝謝。」291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡa8a3M9V0yp
291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7bScZkBqRx
「不用客氣……」291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7aEvuJf5cS
291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjPT7kaIgFU
奇怪。看他忸怩模樣，他似乎還有話要對我說。說甚麼？不是必須相識的陌生人可以如何打開話題？甚或是「為何要展開話題」？291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡexYDv4SDeq
291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0lU5pnOwcj
氣氛尷尬，四目交投，卻不知如何是好。291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzCOqJKpwDb
291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡr3eMm7YneX
直至提著半滿水桶和微濕地拖的校工在我倆之間經過，彼此才回過神來，甚有默契同時分別從兩個方向離開。我往上，他往下。291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9OKl0ZKgi4
291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJtLeiYcjKL
誰料在午飯時間完結後，我們還是在五樓走廊再次碰面——原來我們都是中五生。由於班別不同、社交圈子不重疊，所以未曾正式認識。291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSL8EWIHlSl
291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzQI73m6PD9
不要緊。現在互相自我介紹就可以。291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxZEkysoSV7
291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1RdQemdfQm
「我是文班許家偉。」291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9vANJteOJY
291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQfl0sfSZ4t
「我是理班李浩榮。」291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFOIeqIj5Du
其實我早已知道許家偉。291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡC5PwIuIpJg
291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2ggCp3ysg9
我心儀對象就是喜歡許家偉。291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXmRTGgrSxn
291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfslVEd2s3c
被拒絕的心情久久不散。我開始留意許家偉這個人。291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdPS0zdsc8F
291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhzlLKdIark
拜託阿強向文班生打探有關許家偉的事。某文班生說許家偉無啥特別，亦無專長或短處，是個存在感不強的乖學生。291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvw0euNKGJz
291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVetk1qgfNR
我不明所以——為何心儀對象看上他？291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡO88QiqvAJw
291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgaMKj7F9zB
不是認為心儀對象定要接受我或是對方必須比我優勝，只是我真的找不到許家偉有何可愛之處。291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQoG3ezcFjV
291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡC9SLmZwqOp
不服氣。291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnIO0suUwsB
291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhFDzjpCW0R
繼續觀察他。291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZrQCGtvMOZ
291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoWgWPZvPYA
匆匆數月，秋去冬來，我對許家偉好奇不減。291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡP5MUAG6nyK
291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMFH9xCGeh4
某天午餐後，我和阿強發現許家偉獨坐操場長椅，於是立即齊齊上前佔據長椅另端，近距離觀察他。他似乎發現我們的奇異目光，動身離開。正感沒趣，阿強發現地上有一個銀包。查看內裡，看見許家偉的學生證。291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0H3wnwasdd
291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHp0XHeoifg
阿強建議取走內裡金錢和學生證，再將銀包交到校務處。我反對，擔心惹禍上身。阿強問我是否討厭許家偉。我無正面回應，僅是堅持物歸原主。阿強讓步，將銀包遞給我。291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgHCYwAYtII
291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡApBeGNTrO5
我急步追趕許家偉。291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAfDE3pfkO3
291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡV0d1p3cN89
不明白自己此刻行為。正如阿強所問，我不是討厭許家偉嗎？人前，我一直表達對許家偉的討厭；人後，我曾多次理性分析過自己有沒有討厭他的實質理由。沒有，尤其在我對心儀對象忘情以後。291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡULqRawHfmB
291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOQved69htU
奈何留意許家偉經已成為我的習慣。291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq2o0a37Aeg
291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIVGCrokH4p
遠遠看見他的身影，我自然而然打起十二分精神；聽到心儀對象與好友聊天時提及許家偉，我對他的好奇大於對心儀對象的；走經中五級壁報板，會不經意試找許家偉的名字……291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0MkdxZsNc2
291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEOqeJHt4Y3
「你遺下了銀包。」291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6fSWuuEgw4
291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmg4NcCnLBb
「謝謝。」291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2ZWOoxoY2R
291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5hh08yRYYQ
「不用客氣……」291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNEG1QSkzHl
291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXbqzDdDeTN
經已物歸原主。他道謝，我虛應，然後該是沒有然後。但我們還是愣在原地。291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZz9nKCuuT5
291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeQoVr66eqt
該要說甚麼？還需要說甚麼？沒有啊！但我們還是原地愣著。291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaup2MdMXwp
291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ61fNDivK6C
他是否一早知道我？他是否早已察覺我在留意他？不會吧……291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvZO02zdQsJ
291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvY4rJrdVq9
我望入他雙眼。291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡT1KCdb7nJH
291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9Y2jncW4H9
不。我鐵定他不認識我。他的眼神迷惘疑惑忐忑，似乎在期待甚麼……291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZlBZ2CLXF2
291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3e226f1aKf
一名校工在我和許家偉之間走過。我在視線被阻擋當刻回過神來，低頭轉身離開。291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpS0HSKS47m
291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxKFx1hCywM
我回到操場側長椅。阿強仍在，問我有否教訓許家偉一頓。我苦笑罵他發神經。阿強收起笑容，認真勸我別壓抑情緒。我說理解許家偉是無辜的，不會繼續討厭他。291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg6ITTxZJ3q
291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡz9lOjsJc8f
上課鈴聲響起，學生魚貫回課室去。人群中，我在五樓走廊與許家偉迎個正著。他驚訝之情洋溢於表。我反倒開懷笑了，笑他遲鈍，後知後覺。291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTSC2cun7lR
291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGS0g22u66o
許家偉臉紅，禮貌地點點頭，上前自我介紹。291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOlLnull5MW
291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡob6TC3MdOR
「我是文班許家偉。」291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVdb3p255lf
291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡy6bdazmQWy
「我是理班李浩榮。」291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmqXQo2UILl
畢業多年，我跟李浩榮從未聯絡過——當我這麼講，舊生聚會上人人皆表出乎意料：「你們當年那麼要好，竟然未曾聯絡一次？」291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsgAeUAVyzb
291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7ZHC3UF4ow
我笑笑點頭，不多解釋。291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAngnSuhdNe
291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZlL8CINqt6
畢業禮當晚，他告訴我，他的心儀對象喜歡我。我問他那女生是誰，我可以當面拒絕她。他說不必，因為他已不愛他。我感到奇怪：如已釋懷，為何重提。291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTZYDkBcMIH
291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFElRr23DMw
李浩榮笑笑，笑說他已覺悟，明白人的真正作用。291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1M1Fkyc4Ar
291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ32mmhX1CeT
聽到這莫名其妙的答案，我就知道他醉了——他喝下很多酒。291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVven0IVcBb
291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmIhkPFVse6
他說人的真正作用就是將另外兩個不相識的人串連在一起，或是把深交的兩個人分開，例如那女生無意間將我帶到他的人生當中，而我又無意間成為他和青梅竹馬鬧翻原因。291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡB6TM6wrQHL
291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgB0AMqmtj1
我大概聽出話裡的話。有點難過，有點無奈，有點害怕——害怕今晚坦白心聲以後，我和李浩榮再無交集。291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzJ127gmHEE
291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡs3iBkvtI25
但我沒有阻止他。291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2eRhBRicWk
291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGX57UkHeGR
他壓抑已久，情感需要釋放。這很可能是我以朋友身份給他的最後禮物。291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKaUxcGBUPZ
291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPZXetbgpE1
我慫恿他繼續說下去。291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfmaG17TtJE
291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEWNP7h0taD
他跟阿強相識於幼稚園。他倆都是頑皮孩子，經常氣得老師向父母投訴，父母夜裡就來一頓痛打。他們經常看到對方手腫腳瘀，起初會擔心對方身體，後來發現彼此不怕捱打，只怕玩得不痛快。相顧輕笑，再玩再捱打……玩著捱著，二人同甘共苦十四年，彼此之間有一種難以言喻的默契——只有阿強看出他非但未曾討厭我，反倒羨慕我的不起眼。291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfnQqc9WNu7
291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMd8MPVDV3z
我好奇李浩榮何解會羨慕不起眼的人。291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLZqNM5wN9b
291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxCwVza0G68
「不被注意、不被期望，方能活得自由稱心。」291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQM6OWPk2H7
291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5piNshyqyY
我問他是否有煩惱，可以向我傾訴，也許我能想出好辦法。291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvQ9BrsIQeP
291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3ndrBddW0a
李浩榮報以苦笑，沒有正面回答。291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0PJpexUV9A
291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5EyGt81vEx
那夜，他喝得爛醉，我送他回家。291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡz1XzkwAihd
291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfEdVDDe2E4
伯母應門。是個凶神惡煞的中年婦，語調急促，不帶尾音。她接過李浩榮，留下一句道謝，利落關門。291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0etoSHkUMM
291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPPHWnptA3Y
門關。心頭若有所失——感覺永遠不會再見到李浩榮。291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡT5uoBsEzjQ
291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJbXnLITtYJ
其實沒甚麼大不了。這是人生必經的離合過程。不會令我受到任何傷害，亦不會令我蒙受任何損失。著實沒甚麼大不了。291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3PncilDHvC
291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwaKD5CXNYZ
但我掛念他。291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡK2qVk4T0yc
291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnR64FOcMBR
不是偶然想起，不是遇上麻煩、需要向他求助，不是看見眼熟物件進而聯想。沒錯，是真正的掛念——我無法自欺。291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXWuQd9pc48
291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUQCFjRY4d6
想起他，我不期然會笑；想起他，我感覺窩心；想起他，我會自覺孤單可憐。291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzX4MphQUGZ
291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡY4IKEQ22YR
我漸漸意識到這是甚麼一回事。291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuRevPUYYzs
291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9MPjzWFXHu
糟糕了！怎麼辦？怎麼辦！不知道。291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJjvygD4muK
291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1cSVNmUhVe
不要說。不要聽。不要見。291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBcfSxMseYO
291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡewCImAHGKj
希望時間會沖淡一切。291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡF2onppwDXc
依稀記得畢業翌日在自家客廳梳化醒來的畫面。291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRoYDLvO2OX
291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwOKImFcl2K
首先映入眼簾的是極端的光與暗、黑與白——廳燈沒有亮起，窗外日光耀眼得刺痛，室內與室外亮度差異極大。眼睛無法於短時間內適應，煞是暈眩，有一股酸餿灼熱自胸腔冒升。想吐。沒法吐。291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbE9GAgMBUU
291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiw0hLbpj7u
阿媽沒有理會我，背對我在廚房煲湯。她對著湯煲說：「昨晚是他送你回來。」291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡG5nY7YFTxZ
291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkeULhFTQuZ
我敵不過暈眩與劇烈頭痛，重新軟癱梳化上。沒回話打算，反正阿媽定會繼續說下去。291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbVGfb6IZUA
291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPmfWA5QRtZ
「我不明白你為何喜歡他。」291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd5C9NHTZfK
291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrYojTtcgJh
「我也不明白。」291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnNtrbTUhEW
291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZ7tAPi23uY
「那就不要繼續喜歡。」291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7hiIreudeT
291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7HwdmM180O
「感覺，並非可以自由控制的。」291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIyk4qNDqBu
291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdfd7CLQlkG
「我亦無法自由控制我的兒子喜歡誰。」291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6DmQ8h204R
291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlrB57jW2Qh
「我也無法自由選擇誰是我的母親。」291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡl4QWlkxHG1
291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhGvAst2NPy
「真抱歉——未得你同意就把你生下來。」291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiG3TkVYDlH
291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfVClYpub76
「你該要對我感到抱歉。」291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ53cN9RE1k9
291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡx9FsVlDkVe
我晦氣，毫不掩飾對她的討厭。291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMbFnf9Oalo
291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtim3ZDkWJB
阿媽沒再多話，繼續在廚房忙著。291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSw2Mm2WxLz
291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQmXROjPQTU
真要命。人生就是那麼多無謂紛擾。我的人生屬於我，為何旁人總愛插手？291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDtKU7yxhW4
291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡp5XfGUPDCg
抵著頭痛，我硬撐起身子小便去。291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3e3CeqNSXh
291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvBdqM17IyH
在抽氣扇綿延不斷的摩打聲襯托下，小便聲清脆得噁心。噁感令我清醒不少，昨晚回憶開始隱約浮現。291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNVgZ3abaQm
291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9cp6WK2TlQ
我似乎講過一些不該出口的話。291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpnKgwxVLtK
291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdI1rXgOIP4
真的嗎？我真的把話說出口？291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHupKxGSAIP
291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxDmHpjWC3h
為何這麼驚訝？阿強醉倒後，我特意喝下更多酒，不就是為了把話講出口嗎？291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSCVo7PbVqs
291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ69n6U3Awk4
便意盡，醉意消，騰出來的腦空間被後悔和自責分佔了。我呆上半晌才提起褲子洗手去。291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2MRDPabw5w
291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIQMsx82x6a
為何要走到這一步？291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLfsCN6QYlt
291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2LXKDLrWjk
阿強早已看出我對許家偉的感情，擔心我走上「歪路」。我有點兒生氣——誰有資格定義這是否歪路。阿強自知沒能說服我，乾脆將觀察所得告訴我媽。性格暴躁的阿媽一反常態，冷靜淡然勸我切勿繼續投放感情。291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡe5Vzen40xj
291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEMkVZg4Cza
「世人表裡不一。口說開明，實質守舊。」291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLXQDmLT5oR
291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7WVe3fB1w2
「是嗎？你呢？你口說放棄，心底裡在支持我吧？」291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDdjsasbUmi
291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPZbc8DEkYX
「別倔強。」291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFs9MppyjwN
291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIqlSpgwNo8
「我想要知道你的真正想法！別敷衍！別蒙混！」291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoagiTTjV2z
291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡV791HRMZRA
「我想你放棄。」291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡX1tPYsZxBG
291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGrEdup7sFV
「原因？」291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGspFle3GPu
291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhNj6ogPaqE
「現實終歸是現實的。你將要面對的困難並非單靠信念、希望和愛情就可以解決。」291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnlDFRRX9ly
291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrtwcwXITaq
「我知道。」291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡD3YctfWUgs
291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡL1T2UEFazV
「何解還要繼續下去？」291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgTlxob7BiK
291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiDhJpJgBPp
「感情易放難收。」291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2Yjs3FUufo
291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeIDbyHcr2a
阿媽沒法回嘴——「感情」一詞明確否定了邏輯和理智，她還有何話可說，只得被動地待我回心轉意。291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhcFws5E7FQ
291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPH4lJaAUp9
傍晚，我約見阿強，在公園暗處與他打一架。我們手腫腳瘀，有如兒時被父母教訓一樣。看著彼此頹喪模樣，我既心痛亦生氣——我們的友誼不該淪落至此！我們該可以當一輩子兄弟手足！291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCBo7dE86ih
291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbSxhS38W66
架後，我沒有留下片言隻字，待身體稍稍恢復後首先離開回家去，懶理阿強依然躺在草地上粗喘不已。291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWaw8utEFJJ
291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8Xl3TXBEVK
阿媽見我身上有傷，許是大概明白那是甚麼一回事，沒有多問，亦不予關心。291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFpz4aoOCFB
291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLpL9lmL9kC
我不在意，一心思考如何在畢業禮當晚向許家偉表白……291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpnOll5wccB
291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmvoxvL40Uw
畢業禮，是終結也是新開始。學生們穿戴整齊，戰戰兢兢上台領受證書。莘莘學子前途未卜，能夠掌握在手的只有當下。今朝有酒今朝醉，齊齊喝酒齊齊醉。291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAZ7wBq4k2T
291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAsPT7B2gOx
阿強取來一支烈酒，邀我對飲：「追求真愛不是那麼容易。至少要比我更能喝。」291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYOaEz6Rxf0
291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlTrAXMRTdr
我欣然接受。他很了解我，許是估計到我將會乘著酒意找許家偉表白去。我唯一擺脫阿強的方法就是先把他灌醉。我們都不是省油的燈，自小經常一起偷偷喝酒，十分清楚對方酒量和醉態——一旦倒下，沒有廿四小時可醒不過來。291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuuo7rFgFec
291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoJgqe5y41S
小醉。半醉。大醉。291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE3qWEVl5nx
291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMeFBC8txNU
阿強半伏枱邊，傻笑問我：「想好如何表白了沒？」291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbk4m0qVzbM
291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwjznDl6lQB
「直接講我愛他。」291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ86SSivUxIV
291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlnAhTEoPzw
「如果他拒絕？」291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0LCQy1UAhW
291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡi9ciNaYwfM
「沒怎麼樣。就像我之前被女同學拒絕那樣。」291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpC5aRSKLjK
291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡc5n1dwtn4l
「如果他接受了？那怎麼辦？」291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKqBMSSGpuI
291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEuuHyuT5mu
「我當然是高興！」291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfOBQmsUoaO
291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡa0LR3vl2xx
「我在問，他會怎麼辦？你認為他的內心強大得能夠與你共同面對往後一切？」291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyuG0ksqhQG
291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTuYOWm8S1m
阿強問了一個我沒有想及的問題。291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvmpm5xzBWz
事隔四十年，我和李浩榮在阿強的喪禮上再次聚頭。291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRwi9C42q2a
291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCubxyppKAq
李浩榮說他在畢業禮後與阿強斷絕了聯絡。我為此道歉。他問我為何道歉。我重提他酒後那段說話。他反問我是否真的認為過錯在我。我答不肯定——我無心令他們鬧翻，但我確是他們鬧翻的原因。291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5VBGxLop8O
291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSzG1wxfPkD
李浩榮苦笑，笑容意味深長。291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfCdh0xArGk
291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmXZmpXuglI
「阿強沒講錯。你真懦弱。」291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0OHftkQFTN
291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGUVJnmHoqm
「活了那麼多年，經歷那麼多事情，我不得不承認自己的懦弱。」291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡArrgQGIKKo
291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfsbRYlYgdH
「你仍然單身？」291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhx6gruu7QO
291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHbWjXxMKdi
「是的。」291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJq2CPd2R2e
291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡU7wNs5YOIW
「要我當媒嗎？」291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJX1MJV7Day
291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMWZAbAk8Vu
「不了。難為情。」291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡth8rZIwxj9
291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡN7nv55VwDw
李浩榮失笑，笑我不值得被愛。291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrZ9av6TUdy
291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnAB1dtGLfd
我陪笑，笑說我懂得珍愛自己就可以。291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCPynMLkrsC
291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyCnADLrz7D
多寒暄幾句，我和李浩榮相互道別，分道揚鑣不復見。291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGFypFgBmWP
291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGpZxXlyemn
抬頭望天，天陰雨冷，冷入心脾。291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡl6ibpEOTVQ
291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7XLnZr91dq
回家吧。291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgfFWH79qoD
291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDo3aqQLNtJ
開門。門後空洞空虛空蕩蕩。291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgn1i3chqlQ
291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvcBqwZt6o7
「戚戚慘慘悽悽，清清冷冷，覓覓尋尋。」興之所至，我一邊脫鞋，一邊倒背《聲聲慢》首三句。291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSRM25VYHur
291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyDXgTBQz6A
「尋他千百度，驀然回首，那人卻在燈火闌珊處。」沒有脫襪，懶洋洋得撲到梳化上，順口接上《青玉案．元夕》末句。291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNGHqCV9xU3
291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuI96cePlqw
枕臂望窗，映入眼簾的是極端的光與暗、黑與白——廳燈沒有亮起，窗外日光耀眼得刺痛，室內與室外亮度差異極大。驀地憶起日光照在他臉營造出來的明暗，憶起他的臉容氣質，憶起那抹笑容。291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqRh7FoAUEg
291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡu7aKhxl8lh
大概是一見鍾情吧。291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2k03b34A81
291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡV6uB0XUh3d
奈何我當年愚鈍懵懂，後知後覺。291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTAdYISYNus
291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡs9Td5xdsi5
如果我當年及早清楚知道自己的意向，結果會否不一樣？291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡk8wgnVk755
291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBqeZcp0fve
我笑自己想多了：結果會是一樣的。291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡobyltqyzNa
291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYVO9GcJ02S
我是懦弱的人，我珍愛自己，所以我不會為他人冒險。我寧願花上一輩子去幻想錯過了的美好愛情，亦不會勇敢踏前一步去追求愛情。291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0uaZh58xWw
291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpmHLYenxTg
李浩榮說得沒錯，我不值得被愛。291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6899xOf385
事隔四十年，昔日摯友躺在棺材裡，往日心上人站在我面前。291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUcCrZMRbdU
291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTOuNFNvpzD
百感交集……291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjiv3SSRYYf
291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWgXTMic1Ji
當年我為了許家偉與阿強鬧翻，事後亦沒敢聯絡許家偉。同時失去摯友和心上人，情感上的痛令我失眠了好幾年。那時候，還以為痛楚會一直維持下去，有如浪漫淒美感人的愛情電影情節。291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMzgEzTU7RA
291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWAC81Ecuqa
不過電影終究與現實不同：角色的難忘遭遇濃縮在短短一個半小時裡，情感故此顯得激烈而深刻；現實中的情感必須經過時間洗禮和加入許多愛情以外因素，例如家庭、工作、健康、個人財政等等。291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyVCh40Ftbe
291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡI5KuiqXdTv
痛楚自然而然被淡化掉。我漸漸忘了阿強的忠肝義膽和許家偉的獨特魅力，直至今日再聚……291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡftLJLfRiNW
291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡncyl9ijiBS
「認得我嗎？我是許家偉。」291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE6riQnNADh
291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpRBxXs60WF
「認得。你是文班的。」291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHTpuQnmTv4
291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡClil3jAvKx
許家偉淺笑，笑容如昔，淡然清雅溫婉。291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiNwUASJzem
291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwjb7Svoqxq
閒聊之間，發現他仍然單身。究其原因，他只道難為情。291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBvEP9WvjXJ
291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcHiM3xYhSD
「你不值得被愛。」我蔑笑。291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLxGYlGnRv4
291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ37omKrziVr
四十年過去，許家偉仍是當初那個許家偉。291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3pVPkrmiNq
291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡV9qgC7Ekcp
阿強沒講錯——他的內心不會強大得能夠與我共同面對一切。291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡled3nYE995
291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGe8FnsJuFw
「我懂得珍愛自己就可以。」許家偉笑著說。291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSdW2lNKk1B
291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtl3AT49mVV
許家偉在認真？他真心認為這是珍愛自己的行徑？291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpkomFXFmiW
291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1afWc81YDR
我哭笑不得。291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSL9jD11ix9
291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEnHAfGuYst
無意跟他繼續對話。291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSRVdgitC2a
291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8LSDyaDwZ0
多寒暄幾句，我和許家偉相互道別，分道揚鑣不復見。291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡP2RwDgeb6O
291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGvmzUOndAH
抬頭望天，天陰雨冷，冷入心脾。
註：此篇會收錄於短篇小說集《雜念集》內。291Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwMLkgnjmeV
