在與陳冬月告別之後，賴夏陽陸續找了他的親生父母。
賴夏陽沒住在媽媽家已經好一陣子了，真正的理由從來沒講過。也許是太吵、太累、太多話說不出口。
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但這天，他提前傳了訊息給她：
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【晚上有空嗎？我想吃妳煮的麻油雞。】
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媽媽秒回：
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【怎麼突然想吃這個？你發燒？】
【可以。七點回來。】
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傍晚六點五十七分，他出現在熟悉的巷口，背著包，走進那間不大的公寓。
19Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5DwvRMTerc
門一打開，就是熟悉的聲音：「你知道你從國中開始只要說想吃我煮的，一定是心情不好。」
19Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWZcNscbPMM
他沒回嘴，只換了拖鞋，坐進餐桌前。
19Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡihII8s0IbM
桌上湯還在滾，香氣四溢。媽媽盛了一碗給他，還附了滿滿一碗飯：「來，先吃。我還煎了你最愛的豆皮蛋。」
19Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAeWtENyq2y
「媽。」他沒動筷子，只是抬起頭看她，「我有件事，要跟妳講。」
19Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGo4nmpFZln
媽媽皺眉：「你交女朋友了？」
19Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7g0BNn5kbf
他搖頭又點頭。
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「你要轉學？」
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再搖頭。
19Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhDBHKf5uDf
「……那是什麼事？」
19Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKCG3TfShiC
他低下頭，把那一疊醫院檢查報告從背包裡拿出來，輕輕推到她面前。
19Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ76mTbX1WBm
「媽，我得癌症了。肺腺癌第四期，醫生說，剩下三個月左右。」
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19Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCXXtLf8Jnn
那一刻，時間停住了。
19Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcoqAJKrblb
媽媽的手懸在空中，沒接報告，眼神一瞬間從驚愕，變成失焦。
19Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpBGcwhxb1R
她張口，像想說什麼，最後卻只擠出一句：「你在開玩笑對不對。」
19Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4fnmQAPuqd
他搖頭。
19Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡv5xmtbGDMg
「這不是真的。」她立刻站起來，走到廚房，像是在逃避什麼，「你才十六歲，你怎麼可能——你以前有咳嗽嗎？有血嗎？醫生是不是看錯了——」
19Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKfnGhAQjJc
「是真的。」他的聲音很低，卻像石頭一樣落進她的耳朵。
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她停在水槽前，手還捏著湯杓，背對著他不動了。
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沉默很久很久。
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賴夏陽終於說話：「我不是想讓妳擔心，我只是覺得——妳有權知道。」
19Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJxSVOUp33m
媽媽的肩膀抖了一下。
19Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡy38IlSwebA
「我不會馬上走，醫生說還有三個月。我會吃藥、我會乖一點。妳不要哭，好不好？」
19Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdbfgoaetAu
他站起身，走近她，卻在她背後停住。
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「我知道妳以前覺得我不夠用功、不夠成熟，什麼都吊兒郎當……但我真的有在努力活得像個讓妳不失望的兒子。」
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他很想擁抱她，但又怕她會崩潰。
19Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdv6J3zn36J
媽媽終於開口，聲音嘶啞卻克制：
19Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgpuhFmXvuy
「你現在是在跟我告別嗎？」
19Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBzRnwBbOHG
「不是。」他看著她的背影，輕輕說：「我只是想回家吃頓飯。」
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她終於轉過身來，眼眶紅了，但努力沒讓眼淚掉下來。
19Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgaLyxwEWus
她走過來，狠狠抱住他，像抱住什麼就不會被命運搶走似的。
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「你給我撐過去，聽到沒有。」
「我會的。」
「你說過的話，不准反悔。」
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那頓飯他們後來沒有吃完。麻油雞冷掉了，蛋也煎焦了。
19Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0ldkd53BrJ
但那晚，是他這輩子第一次覺得媽媽的懷抱不是責備，是心疼。
飯沒吃完。19Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhEh4y5fMx6
夏陽坐在沙發上，抱著膝蓋，像個長大後還學不會放鬆的孩子。媽媽坐在他對面，眼神一直看著他，卻沒再問什麼。19Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBe4rWVzo2V
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過了很久，他才開口：19Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKOtM9qiMy0
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「媽，我想去找爸爸。」19Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHnk2XoZVF4
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媽媽聞言一怔，眉頭微微皺起：「你要找他做什麼？」19Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTynwOKe7A0
19Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmAAzwilpr5
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他低頭，聲音很淡：「只是想……親口跟他說。」19Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVp7vUftdDv
19Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYNXNS7zqrC
19Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRiudRIgPJg
她沉默幾秒，然後問：「他知道你生病了嗎？」19Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBIlqsNGkrd
19Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUmT6FUnrcl
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「不知道。妳也知道，我們平常……也沒聯絡。」19Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjEfEruwrGt
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媽媽點點頭，沒說話。19Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCADBjhyHqB
19Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡu003AfMnwZ
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客廳陷入短暫的靜默，空氣中只剩下時鐘秒針的聲音。19Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOHhlQxqW7v
賴夏陽沒想到媽媽會同意，正準備站起來走人，媽媽卻忽然開口：19Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNlLKH7WvhG
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「我陪你一起去。」19Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6R8895H1su
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他抬起頭，有些訝異。19Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0WW8CZnXxz
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「妳要一起去？」19Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUIlNl11eqj
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「不行嗎？」19Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCRmcinMjd3
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「……只是覺得妳應該不想見他。」他輕聲說。19Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6LnUFaMUKa
19Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3sUdfoDqzV
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媽媽垂下眼眸，手指緊緊握著膝蓋，過了幾秒才回話：19Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9ZS026GHO8
19Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9EkMWGoMlK
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「不想見是以前的事了。」19Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMZnC7P6jCC
她抬起頭，語氣平靜卻堅決：「現在我怕我不去，你一個人撐不住。」19Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLxvKfFr904
19Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkENtxZ0JhN
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夏陽看著她，眼底有一閃而過的顫動。19Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjxNemnCSij
但他笑了笑，點點頭。19Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0EDUcQc19k
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「好。」19Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFilUtjkl3B
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—19Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡh5C1dDqTQl
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那天晚上，他沒回去自己的宿舍。19Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoMgrEQ3EsR
媽媽把客房整理好，還拿出一床很舊的棉被，是他小時候常蓋的那條，邊角已經起毛球。19Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRcolqheBKI
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「我曬過了，還有點太陽味。」她放好被子，小聲地說。19Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2GF4UTiP4U
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夏陽沒說什麼，只是輕輕地：「謝謝。」19Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHlUoo4XqWy
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門要關上前，媽媽站住腳，回過頭：19Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfDy3P8LT3J
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「夏陽……」19Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkv9RCiJV3o
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「嗯？」19Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyo2LDJJKPG
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19Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkdmPpoI5uV
「你要是累了，就讓我知道。我知道我以前太多話，現在我……只想陪著你，好不好？」19Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVdoHQHrljG
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—19Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡo84AKQj0LE
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房間裡的燈漸漸熄了。19Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡquFFhYbNJ8
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夜色籠罩整棟屋子。母子倆在不同的房間，卻第一次在這樣寧靜的夜裡，靠得這麼近。19Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDkFCG2wAvu
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這一晚，沒有誰睡得很好，但兩人都沒有開燈。19Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEjtCzwCPrq
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因為有些心事，已經不需要再說出口。
黃昏的光靜靜灑落公園。19Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtPN0TtbeCm
賴夏陽坐在長椅上，雙手插在外套口袋裡，一臉平靜。19Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiicU5eRtg9
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他媽媽站在不遠處，一直沒說話，只是安靜地陪著。19Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡB7R5MIXXcH
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不久，一道熟悉又有些陌生的腳步聲靠近了。是他的爸爸，穿著筆挺西裝，手裡還拿著剛下班的公事包。看到他們倆，他愣了一下，眉頭微微皺起。19Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxzAKiOFbfr
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「怎麼妳也在？」他問。19Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVLNZG0iU6Y
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媽媽沒有回話，只淡淡說了一句：「我只是陪兒子。」19Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0d8QhjwwE9
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三人之間的空氣有點凝重。夏陽拍拍旁邊的座位：「爸，坐一下。」19Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYwqQ0Z72DF
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他爸爸猶豫了幾秒，還是坐下了。19Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0iU4046TKY
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夏陽看著地面，語氣平靜到有些冷靜：19Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeaQMGKYQog
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「我有件事要說。」19Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡud969pNqAj
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他從外套裡拿出那張已經有些皺的診斷報告，遞過去。19Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTifezfcjNj
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爸爸接過報告，看了一眼，臉色頓時僵住。19Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNvjnF0lb8N
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「癌症……？」19Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzttxRqYG6c
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「嗯，末期，三個月。」夏陽的聲音像是說著別人的事。19Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmEzDeg1Zc5
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「你什麼時候知道的？」19Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWE4AHSxjHv
19Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbIbg0VMi1a
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「前幾天。」19Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQoGRGsKiJa
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爸爸緊緊捏著那張報告，眼神彷彿不知該看哪裡。他想說什麼，但喉嚨像被堵住一樣，只擠出一句：「為什麼……為什麼不早點說？」19Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAzMJpVIGlb
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夏陽沒有立刻回話，而是望向遠方那一片橘紅色的天光。19Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTLjM5UsNU8
19Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvmQXwFJVKK
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「我不是不說……是我不知道該跟你說什麼。以前我們太少說話了，說多了像是冒犯，說少了又像陌生人。」19Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ78dWhspqSX
19Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUoaEhNynzZ
19Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0ehXMbZcUT
他媽媽這時才緩緩開口，語氣輕得像風一樣：19Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxglhsHis28
19Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNLITEYN42C
19Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoEtg7ihlDp
「你以前太忙了，錯過了很多……我沒資格責怪你，因為我也一樣。」19Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡD9BybgAUSc
19Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPdGC3XFSzB
19Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQCmF3PsFW6
爸爸望了她一眼，眼神裡有一絲說不出的歉意。19Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡh2qk3PZSl9
19Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡR3UpkGZW7v
19Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYjj7A6YBrh
夏陽笑了笑，目光落在自己腳尖：19Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ22JCsJxB0U
19Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡn4Z9V07gij
19Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcpNV3bpUQw
「爸，我今天找你來，不是要討什麼。不是要你愧疚、補償、負責……我只想說一聲：我真的曾經很想要你多看我一點。」19Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdMMH5QTWRw
19Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWX7tCoUAMe
19Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡa1Ax03v9GA
他抬頭看著父親的眼睛，那雙曾經讓他感到遙遠的眼睛。19Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQPmxZ5Iapm
19Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEfPlf7rtDi
19Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPnxEBXVLeG
「哪怕只是一次，真的為我感到驕傲。」19Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8g70TME8bn
19Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfOcsdEZ0qg
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那句話像是劃開了一道裂縫。父親的眼神終於撐不住，紅了眼眶。19Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHiSxsdZN5p
19Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQuthgdcjLT
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他開口，聲音沙啞：19Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTXx8aQRqtX
19Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZPIOMmYyiB
19Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkHsehsXax2
「對不起……夏陽。」19Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡinZXeC6zP7
19Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAJvItrOG2X
19Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJSP5dOzq6d
他媽媽站在旁邊，眼圈也紅了，轉過臉擦掉悄悄滑下來的淚。19Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIBzBqcF1Aw
19Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQH4aulL7EH
19Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKUwoZ4FjeK
父親看著兒子，說：「如果可以，我想陪你……後面這些日子，哪怕只是開車、陪你吃飯、哪怕只是看你寫字——都好。」19Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCKOThSGICl
19Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIkVckhNvCM
19Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ19MguKk8Zy
夏陽搖搖頭，眼神溫柔卻堅定：19Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd7yjfqsWsi
19Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmHdhp6hcst
19Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRiYQtTcSLi
「爸、媽……謝謝你們今天肯來。」19Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKrchneUzM7
19Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkc62dU7ajN
19Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHx1tvZCRSm
他站起來，背對夕陽，影子被拉得很長。19Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwRjADU5Rki
19Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJzhFZwlbWP
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「但我要走了。」19Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJhBmZE4kyw
19Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbeItOl5JDr
19Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡV4LLFPzmlk
兩人愣了一下：「去哪？」19Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6gyz4tOWTi
19Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJQJ79FY0eq
19Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnEDLJx1aKa
他笑著說：「去做一件事，在還來得及的時候。」19Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuU0v078ozq
19Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3v8gK9WlRw
19Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq4oQt6PIHU
「我不想讓她哭，也不想你們送我最後一程。我想……她記得的，是我在最開心的那幾天。」19Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwXozjC34zq
19Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZaTmvDTXdI
19Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡr5yzYQPHQ6
媽媽急忙問：「你要去哪？你……」19Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpA3a43SZ6V
19Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTlGOstXADU
「東北，下雪的地方。」
19Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFcLlLN1Xgt
爸爸點了點頭，沒有阻止。只是背對他，靜靜說了一句：
19Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaP1xALML2i
「那就快去吧，趁你還走得動的時候。」
19Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhoKiQGLood
19Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjxS2pHP0Nj
夜裡兩點，夏陽穿上外套，背著那只常背的包，輕手輕腳走出門。
19Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOVKm8GOHcz
媽媽房間沒燈，但他知道她其實沒睡。
19Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhGyC17Ej4c
他站在門邊停了很久，終究沒有打開那扇門。
19Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPyrLhoMtFW
桌上留著三封信，還有一份他自己去訂好的機票副本。
19Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡikA0G9993d
【媽】
謝謝妳今天陪我，也謝謝你的養育。
我不是想逃，我只是想用我剩下的力氣，再去看一次雪，去完成心裡那點任性的願望。
我不想讓妳看到我一天天虛弱下去，那太殘忍了。
我希望你能每天開開心心、健健康康。
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【爸】
你說得對，我最終還是變得有點像你。
但我知道你不是真的不愛我，你只是……不會說。
我也是。
所以這封信是我能給你的擁抱。
19Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUssoCeZhOW
【小月亮】
你一直問我，如果世界末日來了，我會不會還選擇喜歡你。
現在我可以告訴你，我的世界已經在倒數了，但我的答案還是你。
謝謝你喜歡我。
我想讓你記得的，不是我死去的樣子，而是我們最後一起看星星的那天，還有你抱著我說，我是你的太陽。
可是小月亮，我的天光快熄了。
你要答應我，等太陽落下的時候，你還是會好好活著，照亮別人。
我們分手吧，還有我愛你。
—
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19Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiUV05ezkEP
清晨六點，媽媽起床，發現他房間空空的，桌上的信躺在光裡。
19Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0IHfByCLF2
她沒有馬上打開，只是手指在信紙上來回撫摸。
19Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9m74sY4Oj0
爸爸也收到簡訊提醒，有張圖，是機票的登機證。
19Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡo250hkYnRA
而陳冬月，在學校下課時，收到一封沒有寄件人名字的信。她一看筆跡，手立刻抖了。
19Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkSOcI7YFMs
那天的太陽很冷，冬天剛開始，風大得像一個沒來由的預告。
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她轉頭奔跑出去，眼淚在風裡炸開。
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19Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMYidHdWxvi
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