Taylor's POV
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Matthew has just left me breathless at my dining table. I stare up at the chandelier and count up to ten, and back down from ten. Several times. I've let him kiss me enough. I will not sleep with him, and have sex with him. Kissing is too far already.
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I glance out of the window. Counting up and down from ten. I will gather myself together. He is wonderful, yes. I know his body, yes. I lose myself in his eyes, his stare. The chemistry we used to feel, before all of the complications, has reignited over a matter of days. And I curse myself for allowing him so close to me. I curse myself for being so open and accommodating. I hate myself for pulling him in.
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Ten, nine, eight...
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"Tay" he whispers and I turn around slowly.
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"Could you just" he whispers, he's grabbed his sketch book and laid it out. I feel mildly embarrassed, how long has he been here whilst I've been catching my breath looking out of the window?
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"Stand like side on" he says softly, and I comprehend that he is indeed talking to me.
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"I want to just make sure I'm getting something right" he adds and I do as he asks.
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Standing side on, watching him shade and contour on the page. He looks back assessing and then looks at me. Eyes shooting to mine just briefly and smiling.
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"Won't be long" he laughs and I smirk.
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He continues drawing and I just watch him. He's concentrating making sure that he gets it right. Pushing his hair out of his eyes, he looks up at the picture and smiles. Sips his red wine and stands up.
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Silently he walks over to me, the air charged between us. Once he reaches me he gazes down at the picture and then he looks up at me. Grins and hands me the paper.
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"This is how I see you" he whispers.
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I gaze down at my portrait, taking in the fine detail of his drawing. The shading and the depth he has given to my eyes. The wonder in my expression, and the long waves of my hair. I am side on as if I'm laying down next to him in bed. Bump included in the drawing, my hands cradling underneath my tummy.
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I look up at him, he's anticipating my reaction. Waiting to see if I approve. I stare up into his eyes and the tears begin to fall from my own.
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"It's beautiful" I say.
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"Because it's you" he says softly.
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I look down at the drawing again, take in the emotion he has captured behind my eyes and I'm astounded.
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"Thank you" I say looking up at him again.
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"Not at all. I told you. You give me reason to draw" he smiles and I clear my throat. No more kissing, I tell myself. Your husband is home tomorrow. I remind myself.
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"I love it, and I love that you included my body, like bump I mean" I say to him.
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He smiles and his hands go over bump.
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"There's one more thing" he says slowly.
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"Before Jay comes back" he adds and I try to steady my breathing.
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"I want to dance with you again, hold you" he says whispering in my ear.
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"Please" he adds and my heart won't let me protest.
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I smile and he gazes down at me.
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"There's a music system" I say quietly. I remove myself from his arms turn on the speaker. It connects to Bluetooth, and my iPhone. My playlist begins and I walk back over to him.
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He takes me in his arms and sways with me. The dinner plates still on the table, a bottle of wine and a portrait of me.
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"You are perfectly safe with me" he says slowly and I look back assessing him.
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"You" he says slowly, looking at me gauging my reactions.
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"Are set here, with Jay. But" he says slowly.
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"We" he says emphasising the word.
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"We are supposed to be" he whispers.
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I look down at his chest, evaluate what he means and sigh. His hands on my back clasping me into him.
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"I have to say something to him" I say softly.
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He dips my chin up to his, a look of love on his face.
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"What are you thinking of saying" he replies holding my jaw lightly in his fingertips.
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"That we've been close to each other, it will drive him into utter rage. But isn't it the right thing to do" I say looking at his eyes.
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He shakes his head.
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"Do you want me to leave here with a black eye" he laughs and he stokes down my neck hands joining at my lower back again.
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"No" I say more lightly.
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"Let's just stick to" he begins looking up at the chandelier and then back down at me in my nightshirt.
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"Matthew came along, he was an utter gentlemen. He slept in the spare room. Used the bathroom on floor three" he laughs.
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"He even drove his own car not one of yours, Jay" he chuckles.
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"You don't want me to say anything" I say.
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"Not at all" he whispers.
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"I understand if you do of course. But I think we just keep this for us" he says softly.
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"Momentary" he whispers.
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I look down into his chest and rest my head lightly on it.
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"We can have this time again" he whispers very quietly. And I register exactly what he is alluding to. Am I to be one of those women, married but stealing moments with another?
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Is that fair on Matthew or anybody within this doomed situation? Surely not, I push the thoughts away and wait for the song to end so that I can disentangle myself from him.
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He holds me, quietly and I rest into him closing my eyes. Two songs later and I'm finally ready to pull myself away from him.
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I can manage but one word which I whisper to Matthew.
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“Bed” I say softly and he chuckles as we head upstairs.
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