Denial.422Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡK3ObUXYdif
It starts with denying. Denying that it every happened. Denying that it affected you. Denying that it still does.. You deny it. You deny it from your very soul. For you, it never happened. 422Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUUanCqu21V
"This is just a stage, Clara," the doctor said. "You'll get better."422Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqhMGRyQBK1
"I am better," I told him. "I'm completely fine. I don't sulk. I don't cry. Nothing's wrong with me. You know that."422Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOfUE9mWjHB
"Clara, you'll get better," he repeated.422Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzQkfp2iQM7
"I'm fine," I stressed.422Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyGnGfM4qI2
"You're in denial," he said before he walked away.422Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdjHvUwOH7v
I turned my head and saw him walk out the door. I wondered when I'd get to walk out those doors and into the life I left behind at home.422Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡULY6hCT9ep
"I'm fine," I whispered to myself.422Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtb7acbWKuw
***422Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWd01I20p8Q
Anger.422Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoKJJ2HNtZ1
When we were kids, the worst thing that happened to us was when I broke my brother's nintendo. He got angry and didn't talk to me for a day. Now that I'm older, I realized that the worst thing that could ever happen to me, happened when I lost my older brother. And now, he doesn't even get a chance to get angry. He gets the chance to not talk to me for my entire lifetime. 422Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVrfABQPlzU
Things are always easy when you're a kid.422Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCzmHGFmI7F
I didn't need to cry or sulk to show that I'm mourning. I didn't need to prove my grief to anyone. I knew I was grieving. I felt it all over till it numbed me from feeling anything else. Yes, I didn't want to talk about it. I wasn't ready. 422Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUqXwDZhKwT
"You're ready today?" the doctor asked. 422Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡITmni45isk
I didn't say a thing as I sat on my bed and stared out the window. The view never changed from this place. A tree, the branches of it swaying to the wind. And the clear water that lay just a few feet away.422Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlhh8NqcMlv
"Clara?"422Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZnRQ94kRYP
Coming here in this stupid institution was a mistake. But I needed it. I had had trouble accepting it. 422Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDZNbKLAjqQ
"You want to talk about it?" he repeated.422Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxKz9NvIM2v
"When can I go home?" I asked.422Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmKn6H1lyBO
He sighed. 422Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ47zTzap69E
"Well?"422Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpnF5VR4Gwl
"Clara, you need to talk about what happened and how you are feeling before I can let you go," he answered.422Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ85Lqsv94e0
I scoffed. "Talking doesn't change anything."422Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrr6KLsp5qj
"Talking helps."422Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5tsXoqI47A
"Then why don't you just talk and I listen?"422Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXBv3AHGTE5
"It doesn't work that way."422Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPdLzFganJQ
"Got that right," I remarked, turning towards him. "Nothing works the way you want it too. Nothing."- my voice rises- "You want things to be different. You want things to be fine, like the way it used to be. You want him alive. But. It. Just. Doesn't. Work. That. Way." 422Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1kjnXsxvm2
I waited for his response. I was scared that I might have been too harsh. Instead, he smiled. "That's an improvement, Clara."422Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvnqhvXXFXa
I rolled my eyes and turned my attention towards the view. A bird was now sitting on the tree.422Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpT6ehdFJrl
***422Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0tQMiS3sKF
Depression.422Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAP6fhqIr7a
It hurts. When you've lost someone, anyone- you hurt. You cry. It pains. It is something worse than death. 422Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5MMajcdXra
It's numbing. Once you've lost someone, there's nothing that can undo it. No pain will come close to this. Nothing can hurt more than this.422Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcwXGHhda42
It pains. It hurts. Make it stop.422Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8EURJcncxJ
"You're getting better," the doctor pointed out.422Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZof69wo3Uo
"Sure as hell doesn't feel that way," I told him. 422Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8rkJc6RbSN
"You're getting there," he smiled. "You'll be out of here in no time."422Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡU76FmAa476
I flinched. Did I want to out of here? Did I want to leave this escape? Did I want to relive the reality?422Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRdouJIryBw
I didn't want to. It would hurt too much. 422Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡc96bzm32K0
And right now, I can't deal with this pain.422Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzXvTkevyk4
***422Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmi03VDEoIE
Bargaining.422Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmuOd1peggi
If there was something I could do to change what happened, I would do it before I could even blink an eye. I would do anything to get him back. They call this stage- the "Bargaining." I don't really get those who do.422Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmBoOC5xcpm
They say it's the five stages of grief.422Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡo0fNXAuosW
You progress through each stage and in the end, everything's alright. But that's not really true, is it? Nothing will ever be alright. There will never come a time when you don't forget. The pain won't cease away. It won't decrease.422Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKiWCIbg4k6
Maybe you'll get strong. Maybe, you'll have the capacity to bear it.422Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4EkDX0wgaM
But now, you don't. I don't.422Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMD2T0kB7ck
So, why- why is it called Bargaining? What are you bargaining for when there is nothing to exchange. When there is nothing to bargain. Why bargain? Everything is done. It's all over. There's nothing you can do-422Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNGro0GyUPo
***422Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWRUDsjQxFa
Acceptance.422Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ17DirIUN8b
There's nothing you can do to change it. 422Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnWQkymqL11
***422Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYsYANflNeM
