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INT. TATE MODERN, ST IVES - AFTERNOON
Stable shopkeeper DR GREGORY BUTTERSCOTCH is arguing with sweet housekeeper MASTER HARRY CHAN. GREGORY tries to hug HARRY but he shakes him off.
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GREGORY239Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTjJK7bHa82
Please Harry, don't leave me.
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HARRY239Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ63lRd40GG6
I'm sorry Gregory, but I'm looking for somebody a bit more brave. Somebody who faces his fears head on, instead of running away.
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GREGORY239Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0KkWiSSzUN
I am such a person!
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HARRY frowns.
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HARRY239Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWnBspBhvL2
I'm sorry, Gregory. I just don't feel excited by this relationship anymore.
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HARRY leaves.
GREGORY sits down, looking defeated.
Moments later, hopeful doctor MRS CHANTAL MALKOVICH barges in looking flustered.
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GREGORY239Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjuUdJbmPgp
Goodness, Chantal! Is everything okay?
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CHANTAL239Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQ9Dz2OZ1oO
I'm afraid not.
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GREGORY239Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9mpeV6UR1S
What is it? Don't keep me in suspense...
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CHANTAL239Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfWbGdAXRiP
It's ... an alien ... I saw an evil alien exterminate a bunch of swimmers!
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GREGORY239Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOTNFrl9tS6
Defenseless swimmers?
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CHANTAL239Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoxU2kNXrmc
Yes, defenseless swimmers!
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GREGORY239Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYotAfXsrtq
Bloomin' heck, Chantal! We've got to do something.
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CHANTAL239Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡx9l577Ivan
I agree, but I wouldn't know where to start.
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GREGORY239Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhVU8AVcvp1
You can start by telling me where this happened.
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CHANTAL239Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiXm4GNpSxn
I was...
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CHANTAL fans herself and begins to wheeze.
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GREGORY239Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡv4jg57iaLK
Focus Chantal, focus! Where did it happen?
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CHANTAL239Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZiQmAWnCjs
National History Museum, London! That's right - National History Museum, London!
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GREGORY springs up and begins to run.
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EXT. A ROAD - CONTINUOUS
GREGORY rushes along the street, followed by CHANTAL. They take a short cut through some back gardens, jumping fences along the way.
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INT. NATIONAL HISTORY MUSEUM, LONDON - SHORTLY AFTER
SHARON PIGEON a spiteful alien terrorises two swimmers.
GREGORY, closely followed by CHANTAL, rushes towards SHARON, but suddenly stops in his tracks.
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CHANTAL239Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8mf3qOWc0Y
What is is? What's the matter?
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GREGORY239Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡG4RkwN3ZJM
That's not just any old alien, that's Sharon Pigeon!
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CHANTAL239Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIxJP2BuIyC
Who's Sharon Pigeon?
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GREGORY239Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKWTVmUGPr8
Who's Sharon Pigeon? Who's Sharon Pigeon? Only the most spiteful alien in the universe!
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CHANTAL239Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbPmw2xZ58y
Blinkin' knickers, Gregory! We're going to need some help if we're going to stop the most spiteful alien in the universe!
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GREGORY239Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwijqKJZuCE
You can say that again.
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CHANTAL239Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEB2mFhfwtl
Blinkin' knickers, Gregory! We're going to need some help if we're going to stop the most spiteful alien in the universe!
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GREGORY239Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8W65xbHET5
I'm going to need ropes, lots of ropes.
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Sharon turns and sees Gregory and Chantal. She grins an evil grin.
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SHARON239Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXr6M1uavoN
Gregory Butterscotch, we meet again.
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CHANTAL239Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7iUn23JSLi
You've met?
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GREGORY239Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFw6mXBeODy
Yes. It was a long, long time ago...
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EXT. A PARK - BACK IN TIME
A young GREGORY is sitting in a park listening to some drum and bass music, when suddenly a dark shadow casts over him.
He looks up and sees SHARON. He takes off his headphones.
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SHARON239Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpsx0lcJZx0
Would you like some chocolate?
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GREGORY's eyes light up, but then he studies SHARON more closely, and looks uneasy.
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GREGORY239Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPfwT4qu4mG
I don't know, you look kind of spiteful.
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SHARON239Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmPw0UKDhjU
Me? No. I'm not spiteful. I'm the least spiteful alien in the world.
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GREGORY239Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrbxPNJbasx
Wait, you're a alien?
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GREGORY runs away, screaming.
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INT. NATIONAL HISTORY MUSEUM, LONDON - PRESENT DAY
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SHARON239Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKEr25Mj5vO
You were a coward then, and you are a coward now.
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CHANTAL239Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGcMFlXVsXE
(To GREGORY) You ran away?
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GREGORY239Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBSMugOc73J
(To CHANTAL) I was a young child. What was I supposed to do?
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GREGORY turns to SHARON.
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GREGORY239Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡugogBPRK23
I may have run away from you then, but I won't run away this time!
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GREGORY runs away.
He turns back and shouts.
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GREGORY239Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0iaFUyAWGR
I mean, I am running away, but I'll be back - with ropes.
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SHARON239Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfYRreuEcZP
I'm not scared of you.
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GREGORY239Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqggUusLtvg
You should be.
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EXT. A LIBRARY - LATER THAT DAY
GREGORY and CHANTAL walk around searching for something.
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GREGORY239Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5dOm2oC1WK
I feel sure I left my ropes somewhere around here.
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CHANTAL239Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLouih6aLMz
Are you sure? It does seem like an odd place to keep deadly ropes.
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GREGORY239Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyYJx7UKku2
You know nothing Chantal Malkovich.
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CHANTAL239Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnhQiZB6uj0
We've been searching for ages. I really don't think they're here.
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Suddenly, SHARON appears, holding a pair of ropes.
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SHARON239Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFonaAoVuly
Looking for something?
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CHANTAL239Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvHIQPp16Qp
Crikey, Gregory, she's got your ropes.
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GREGORY239Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhEtv0R2x6P
Tell me something I don't already know!
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CHANTAL239Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbLmKVjMkcy
The earth's circumference at the equator is about 40,075 km.
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GREGORY239Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcqWaufLFHw
I know that already!
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CHANTAL239Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9K9iF3qcLf
I pick my nose and eat it.
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SHARON239Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡX1OWkVohEt
(appalled) Dude!
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While SHARON is looking at CHANTAL with disgust, GREGORY lunges forward and grabs his deadly ropes. He wields them, triumphantly.
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GREGORY239Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiTSGSPRROl
Prepare to die, you spiteful cauliflower!
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SHARON239Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiZExG0oAtO
No please! All I did was exterminate a bunch of swimmers!
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HARRY enters, unseen by any of the others.
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GREGORY239Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡf6nEy74I8m
I cannot tolerate that kind of behaviour! Those swimmers were defenceless! Well now they have a defender - and that's me! Gregory Butterscotch defender of innocent swimmers.
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SHARON239Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMfeU7EMwBN
Don't hurt me! Please!
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GREGORY239Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgmRxzHptgQ
Give me one good reason why I shouldn't use these ropes on you right away!
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SHARON239Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvVTVYz7XyV
Because Gregory, I am your mother.
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GREGORY looks stunned for a few moments, but then collects himself.
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GREGORY239Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKvdAfZGGHR
No you're not!
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SHARON239Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaEnbn4KOdb
Ah well, it had to be worth a try.
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SHARON tries to grab the ropes but GREGORY dodges out of the way.
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GREGORY239Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7wDmiQjaHm
Who's the mummy now? Huh? Huh?
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Unexpectedly, SHARON slumps to the ground.
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CHANTAL239Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5kuIHQtXW3
Did she just faint?
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GREGORY239Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQd2TMUyZk3
I think so. Well that's disappointing. I was rather hoping for a more dramatic conclusion, involving my deadly ropes.
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GREGORY crouches over SHARON's body.
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CHANTAL239Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡacYUL5Ry9K
Be careful, Gregory. It could be a trick.
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GREGORY239Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIv6Njas8Zp
No, it's not a trick. It appears that... It would seem... Sharon Pigeon is dead!
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GREGORY239Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡM5ZwiUDq1H
What?
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GREGORY239Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGoIKdUU0yn
Yes, it appears that I scared her to death.
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CHANTAL claps her hands.
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CHANTAL239Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXosSUFdhru
So your ropes did save the day, after all.
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HARRY steps forward.
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HARRY239Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡukOq00UT2s
Is it true? Did you kill the spiteful alien?
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GREGORY239Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW6fFJIPipP
Harry how long have you been...?
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HARRY puts his arm around GREGORY.
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HARRY239Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡf7PT4qFuw1
Long enough.
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GREGORY239Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMh73EWR6aO
Then you saw it for yourself. I killed Sharon Pigeon.
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HARRY239Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwwaMt5TDqE
Then the swimmers are safe?
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GREGORY239Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbhCGWNVbf0
It does seem that way!
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A crowd of vulnerable swimmers enter, looking relived.
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HARRY239Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ26ooDIlRi9
You are their hero.
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The swimmers bow to GREGORY.
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GREGORY239Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBRc5Imu80L
There is no need to bow to me. I seek no worship. The knowledge that Sharon Pigeon will never exterminate swimmers ever again, is enough for me.
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HARRY239Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeU1TSmKg9w
You are humble as well as brave!
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One of the swimmers passes GREGORY a magic ring
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HARRY239Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOto9cSmfRg
I think they want you to have it, as a symbol of their gratitude.
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GREGORY239Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYqfRINrkXV
I couldn't possibly.
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Pause.
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GREGORY239Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWH3Czagadn
Well, if you insist.
239Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgjw9bHq7CQ
GREGORY takes the ring.
239Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ67U5j63dwG
GREGORY239Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5oZxiFdqxr
Thank you.
239Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjthkCNj7DJ
The swimmers bow their heads once more, and leave.
GREGORY turns to HARRY.
239Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhvqC5801C4
GREGORY239Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFLGyXG6MPP
Does this mean you want me back?
239Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIqLI26wbhK
239Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsQ4yKtBLTm
HARRY239Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZLFII92RH0
Oh, Gregory, of course I want you back!
239Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPJ43JzsfGn
GREGORY smiles for a few seconds, but then looks defiant.
239Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ24U8RuFb0V
GREGORY239Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhCjsz8s4p2
Well you can't have me.
239Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWeKpdJS1bt
239Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsQmNZZlAOQ
HARRY239Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9xAxiFDucu
WHAT?
239Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlimkb8Gnmd
239Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡN7sP8eweAm
GREGORY239Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmUF79po3KK
You had no faith in me. You had to see my scare a alien to death before you would believe in me. I don't want a lover like that.
239Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqPMRdtR8uw
239Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfyizusrPt7
HARRY239Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW2QdXSxOX8
But...
239Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxwTP2LxR4p
239Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYypz1gAlt4
GREGORY239Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeyAOIM8urZ
Please leave. I want to spend time with the one person who stayed with me through thick and thin - my best friend, Chantal.
239Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡh6bx2KDE5o
CHANTAL grins.
239Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcxKhY3qx8o
HARRY239Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJOy5wWtDuK
But...
239Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5uRrfLp0zh
239Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcUtRuuA024
CHANTAL239Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeA5rd5jGaT
You heard the gentleman. Now be off with you. Skidaddle! Shoo!
239Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡA7p0Ar1EX8
239Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ84wi2TiCmM
HARRY239Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFBkoyVxrFB
Gregory?
239Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwpxd7pxwwH
239Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIumNiSoi7h
GREGORY239Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNra4WSdncK
I'm sorry Harry, but I think you should skidaddle.
239Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbz8dRUlVnw
HARRY leaves.
CHANTAL turns to GREGORY.
239Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡihVFPCZCfB
CHANTAL239Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXVZw3Q3e16
Did you mean that? You know ... that I'm your best friend?
239Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGsB6EsbAa5
239Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrSh34hOogb
GREGORY239Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1FvumBUaok
Of course you are!
239Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡC17fSzmFwh
The two walk off arm in arm.
Suddenly CHANTAL stops.
239Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKcXDlMiuwe
CHANTAL239Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNHwdUjjxkD
When I said I pick my nose and eat it, you know I was just trying to distract the alien don't you?
239Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxpwf19z6Ms
239Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ65FJbeYFIS
THE END
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