許多時候，我會莫名其妙感到憂鬱難過。明明沒有發生過特別事情，我的憂鬱難過於旁人彷彿無病呻吟。於是，可以開解我的只能是我自己。我會獨處或散步，調整心情。
「去哪？」264Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2nAqvCFSmI
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「急事。」264Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHgWXjPsGct
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「你不吃晚餐？」264Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7yBRQqsnsS
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我沒應答，逕自出門。264Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡl7x7gxl9XZ
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冬夜六時。厚衣下的溫暖身軀與袒露的臉和手，不協調感令我忐忑不安。264Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDJm7aEij5w
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難以言喻的鬱悶。264Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkR6vbLeiU8
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長嘆。264Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5OyBuDpi7t
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「紅萬。」我邊說邊掏出八達通。264Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJafD4ouGqD
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店員爽快從身後陳列架取來貨品，熟練在收銀機屏幕上點點按按，然後給我贈品——果汁味肉乾三小包。我有意無意瞄了瞄她的臉。大眾臉，過目即忘。264Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡybABaGFpwQ
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「不需要贈品？」她驀地抬眼，與我眼神對上。是發現我的無禮目光嗎？264Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIOaSlhNfSW
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「我……錯認是口香糖。」我慌忙編個爛藉口，連忙接過香菸和肉乾。264Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYTCEPFCVrK
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她假笑，沒再搭理我，拿起抹布四處抹。264Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlmKxwUD7Do
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我走出光線充足的便利店，重踏漆黑夜空下的大街。264Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAWNXcPEC8l
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另一種不協調。另一種忐忑，另一種不安。264Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9MHwaNHsd4
264Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLdxTOVa8JO
櫥窗五光十色，路人絡繹不絕。人潮亂中有序，不約而同在紅色燈號前止住，然後在綠色燈號亮起當刻同時邁步。一致得神奇，一致得可怕。並肩而行的男男女女在過路以後分道揚鑣，不為曾經的遇見生起任何印象或猶豫。264Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNauc0Sjhl1
264Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7CvAPRplVa
心血來潮，我莫名其妙拐到小巷去。264Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGBCFdlihWm
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污水，雜物，廚餘，鼠餌，坑渠。264Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvcPhAySvAM
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髒，亂，腐，毒，臭。264Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPBQfJH1snH
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為何要到這種地方來？不是捷徑，不知盡頭何處，不懷目的……264Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoFb7FflQqz
264Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmdPEcpXNx5
小巷盡處是另一小巷，盡頭以後是另一開始。路接路，走又走。不停前行，像是正在找出口；絕不回頭，像是不打算找到真正出口。264Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjRB5vaIREY
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厭煩日常走過的路，不欲重覆。若問想要到甚麼地方去，其實我沒有答案。很奇妙。眼下似乎有很多選擇，實質一切已成定局。那是大街，這是小巷。大街在明，小巷在暗。大街繁華，小巷冷清。264Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOq48cRXWFY
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註定的。264Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDlH75GpIxC
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冷清小巷盡頭會有好東西麼？我不相信，亦不願輕言不相信。264Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRuOjuRcwRH
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汪——汪——嗚——拐角傳來狗隻悲鳴。264Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHklm2ttXQv
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停步。猶疑。264Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLu7h8o5cvb
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惻隱？慈悲？然後呢？根本沒有然後，因為我自顧不暇。264Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8HYzd2XKeQ
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轉身。264Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡc10bTL7z2X
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汪——汪——嗚——拐角狗隻再次悲鳴。264Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrjpcyYbPbq
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我回身走去。264Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIQCeNGDfIL
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惻隱？慈悲？不，好奇罷。264Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8xoQexduoQ
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把小狗抱入懷內。264Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxZmlJJ5Ruz
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「暖和沒？」我傻傻自語——嘴巴極需要說話理由。264Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBI08mjVR2F
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陣風從後疾過，寒意夾雜水氣與鹹香。264Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVLWdcqy89U
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海風？海濱公園步道？264Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ395kQndlpt
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「一起散步去吧。」我沒期望小狗會回答，但我需要溜達原因。264Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1K1NGQNyFY
264Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ06NG7fctEy
多拐兩個彎，我帶著小狗在兩幢高樓之間走出來，恰巧看見銀月自海平面升起。清澄，純淨，圓滿。264Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhMmxvtW7ke
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「看！這是月亮。」我指天示意小狗往上望去。264Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgiQRC14SsK
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汪——牠回答，但沒有依指示抬頭。264Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxTOP0WzBpS
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「找個好地方坐坐吧！」為免小狗中途跑掉，我微微拉下外套拉鏈，把小狗往內塞。牠沒反抗，甚至懂得稍為伸出頭部，方便呼吸和看風景。我真慶幸剛才沒有對牠視若無睹：「乖。」264Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYZDLysrvpS
264Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtZLujvEoBL
銀月清冷，步道冷清，寧靜。心跳規律，呼吸有序，乏味。回憶很多，未知更多，迷惘。264Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbWYRcxNtq7
264Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrRWiK8BrW9
「我上一次來海濱公園是小學畢業後的那個暑假。與幾個特別要好的男生相約到來踩roller，跌了幾跤，膝蓋流血。明明怕血，明明怕痛，偏偏為保面子而強說無事，硬撐一整天。結果翌日膝蓋腫黑大片，痛得要命，不得不到醫院求醫。結果在醫院留醫足足兩個月，九月中才可到新學校上課。」我在路邊長椅坐下，拆開一包贈品肉乾給小狗充飢，報答牠聽我發牢騷。264Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWhviyh3ljp
264Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnQ19jSoB50
「留醫期間，我生氣朋友們不來探望我，打算出院後臭罵他們一頓。出院後，我忙於學校課業，忘記致電他們，然後順理成章忘記他們。當我再次想起他們，已是高中畢業的事。」我點菸，一吸一呼，虛假短暫的舒爽。「其實沒甚麼大不了，無需要記在腦袋裡。但事情就是發生過，不是說忘記就可以忘記。」264Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGMvpYNB2wN
264Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡe4DavcrT6z
記憶零碎，思路紊亂。嘴巴想要表達更多，無奈腦袋運轉不來，沒能將感受化為言語……算了吧。反正小狗根本沒興趣聽下去。264Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZfDMPsiSVE
264Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDKU8ZNVtx5
「你似乎對肉乾比較有興趣。」我又拆開一包肉乾予牠。牠吃得津津有味，舌頭不時舔舔嘴邊，甚至舔到小小鼻頭。264Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvmhVINH9kA
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我笑，笑牠傻氣可愛。264Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfLmdAYrroS
264Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRkiMoUsfTp
又吸一口虛假短暫的舒爽。又呼一口難以言喻的鬱悶。264Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwtel2lZH5g
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鬱悶何來？264Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIKiYj5gYEg
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學業壓力？愛情煩惱？家庭不和？264Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡa0072IRxrU
264Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3wyi9q785c
也許統統都是，也許統統不是。264Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡictAogrmpW
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多件零星不順心瑣碎事湊在一起成為一股無法消弭的鬱悶。264Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5QH9QapeHm
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有如一根經過繁複工序生產的香菸。264Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHf9zr3RFmN
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有如一塊由豬肉、糖、鹽、增味劑、醬油、香辛料、護色劑、色素組成的肉乾。264Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIOBoQv6nOf
264Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5VfE8RPkkb
「好吃吧。」我又拆開一包肉乾。趁小狗專心咬嚼，我彈走菸屁股，將牠從懷裡抽出，來個深深擁抱。264Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡERR2xFlCUY
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然後呢？根本沒有然後。264Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYoqiHlmqkm
264Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfiuP9zih4R
我輕輕放下小狗，動身邁步離開。264Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcf9NIWxWzI
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正如牠知道我身上沒有更多肉乾，自然而然不會跟上來。
註：此篇會另收錄於短篇小說合集《雜念集》
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