我在書枱前呆了大半日。熱茶已涼,但我未嚐半口,心思都在眼前電腦屏幕上——剛輸入的文字不停被刪。字越少,心越亂,人越躁。330Please respect copyright.PENANAkv1u1nj7b3
330Please respect copyright.PENANAsDDqjPLFc3
不了。受不了。我離座往廚房換茶去。330Please respect copyright.PENANAnHBZGm54pA
330Please respect copyright.PENANAGEhI4TXnv8
廳中老妻瞄我半眼,大概知道發生甚麼事,沒有作聲,繼續看電視。我對她的不表態不勝感激——她以最聰明的方法維護我的尊嚴。330Please respect copyright.PENANA9fw0Nwsb80
330Please respect copyright.PENANAbztaRwDTJN
滾水撞上茶葉,水仙香氣隨著冉升白煙溢散開去。330Please respect copyright.PENANAtkyPyQ4qYd
330Please respect copyright.PENANA0VltQJnqt1
壓力似乎一併消散。330Please respect copyright.PENANAY0mS2r1CGe
330Please respect copyright.PENANApQpL2Q4pVn
茶盡。我再續杯。330Please respect copyright.PENANARhaWe2daCZ
330Please respect copyright.PENANAGNlAXMseuE
添茶不是長遠之計——屏幕白頁上始終沒有片言隻字。330Please respect copyright.PENANAdLcm9mSsv3
330Please respect copyright.PENANAydLfYJWjvK
嘆一口氣,慨嘆自己太天真可愛。怎麼會相信自己有寫作天分,而且一信就是幾十年。幾十年來,不停寫,不停發表,不停被無視。我只得不停安慰自己說旁人不識貨。330Please respect copyright.PENANADrBywTHPRn
330Please respect copyright.PENANAgSu92Dy6Jh
口不對心。心裡其實清楚自己料子如何。但我還是堅持寫下去。330Please respect copyright.PENANAuphQdCyVUO
330Please respect copyright.PENANAYOUhfePYnO
是習慣、面子、尊嚴緣故,更是不想承認自己做了一個長達幾十年的白日夢。330Please respect copyright.PENANAaWWFXBuhjz
330Please respect copyright.PENANA8y70CnL7q9
夢醒一場空。330Please respect copyright.PENANAeCPbPMAspq
330Please respect copyright.PENANAVmnAQA7sbr
我本平庸,無甚專長,唯獨寫作能力相對身邊友儕略高丁點。丁點而已,卻足以讓我樂透幾十年。330Please respect copyright.PENANAXPNtI1jXSc
330Please respect copyright.PENANAuHrVAvC3p0
工作不順利時,我會告訴自己——我的專長不在工作上,所以被罵亦是無可厚非;人際關係不如意時,我會告訴自己——如果世人只能用文字溝通,我該是表達能力最好的人;走倒運時,我會告訴自己——我正在為快要誕生的偉大作品累積靈感……330Please respect copyright.PENANAW3SXZg94wH
330Please respect copyright.PENANADe9IE4lr5I
一切都是有意義的。如果我真有寫作天分的話。330Please respect copyright.PENANAguBxwExSTG
330Please respect copyright.PENANAjd0NoZ9fSa
捧著熱茶回到座位。身在心在能力不在。330Please respect copyright.PENANACRwq7fQbdI
330Please respect copyright.PENANA7EaKxC34ze
在刺眼的屏幕白頁前,我又嘆一口氣。330Please respect copyright.PENANAwsoXPlKX6K
330Please respect copyright.PENANAeaB8Ueq3JE
我不曾長大,仍是幾十年前那個我,沉浸在中文老師讚賞的我。同學們紛表羨慕我的寫作天份,請教我如何想出精彩故事、練出動人文筆。330Please respect copyright.PENANAqGu3FHVoo2
330Please respect copyright.PENANAhMCt5EVNVr
我沾沾自喜。330Please respect copyright.PENANA0W25KMJr1P
330Please respect copyright.PENANACgsrrUAJOp
細心回想,我當時已覺竅門不在天分,而是努力。努力鑽研文字的運用,努力細味名著佳作當中的韻味,努力思考故事情節起伏,努力觀察分析人世百態……名副其實的將勤補拙。330Please respect copyright.PENANAjuS9Hz2Zqp
330Please respect copyright.PENANARQ3j74OTbr
但我沒有向同學們坦白。330Please respect copyright.PENANA6ZF6hjtTAa
330Please respect copyright.PENANAhU8DUajAIy
因為我喜歡被讚賞的感覺。330Please respect copyright.PENANAvoHClRS6p9
330Please respect copyright.PENANAACX5B1rDMy
努力,努力,努力。330Please respect copyright.PENANASmylzceqAT
330Please respect copyright.PENANAgJjlElQu1P
我的寫作技巧與日俱增,亦在多個學屆寫作比賽中獲獎。330Please respect copyright.PENANAz3Vod2QltB
330Please respect copyright.PENANA51BD99KANX
我以為自己將來鐵定能夠成為作家。330Please respect copyright.PENANA14QTOeTgOJ
330Please respect copyright.PENANAgjxHDD8OS7
以為。330Please respect copyright.PENANAoFJJbpCd7J
330Please respect copyright.PENANAQ57VWgus1E
告別校園後,我成為一個普通文職。普通收入,普通打扮,普通生活。330Please respect copyright.PENANA025ywacaML
330Please respect copyright.PENANAxyz2MKutio
普通得輕易被取代。普通得難以承受。330Please respect copyright.PENANAKwDzcEYNoZ
330Please respect copyright.PENANAmZ9hitjcuL
我不得不告訴自己我是多麼的有寫作天份!我是多麼的獨特!330Please respect copyright.PENANANKrUQNZJ6b
330Please respect copyright.PENANAHPspZ7usGe
某夜下班回家,我泡了一壺水仙,乘著茶香全情投入寫作世界。沒有外物打擾,我的世界只有我。一切如願。那麼順心,那麼安寧,那麼快樂。330Please respect copyright.PENANAUgGN6bXPKv
330Please respect copyright.PENANAwM4oqWEfEJ
我的作品感動了我。330Please respect copyright.PENANAyWgcmsJeLH
330Please respect copyright.PENANAw4MvorlLqb
我希望藉此找到更多懂我的人。330Please respect copyright.PENANACE821EOwBC
330Please respect copyright.PENANAdTpFk3iPG4
幾十年來,不停寫,不停發表,不停被無視。我的世界與真實世界不斷相互碰撞。面對無止境的打擊,我不曾問自己為何堅持。因為一旦心生此等疑問,變相在內心種下「自我質疑」的根苗,一發不可收拾。330Please respect copyright.PENANAKQKvrdPt4V
330Please respect copyright.PENANAS9DwTZIjxV
無法接受自己幾十年堅持建基於一個沒可能實現的夢想。330Please respect copyright.PENANAJ6Ku5Cf8mq
330Please respect copyright.PENANA4trw4R4uFv
無法承受自己生來就是如此普通、平凡、平庸……330Please respect copyright.PENANAZJivOgg9FD
330Please respect copyright.PENANAxuNL7mQw9q
熱茶又涼了。330Please respect copyright.PENANAWKZMPmJ5js
330Please respect copyright.PENANAzbvPSlGeeo
屏幕白頁上始終沒有片言隻字。330Please respect copyright.PENANAIC4DYFOXC8
330Please respect copyright.PENANApPuOZYlE5d
老妻繼續以不表態維護我的尊嚴。330Please respect copyright.PENANAfkKWxarvZX
330Please respect copyright.PENANA3hMbK7k1W5
我的作品只感動了我。330Please respect copyright.PENANAvFcsqKcqyb
330Please respect copyright.PENANABrp1M8zxIG
因為我的感受只有我讀得懂。330Please respect copyright.PENANAvZZjn5aRhI
才:才華
落:降低、下滑
備註:此篇收錄於短篇小說集《雜念集》
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