我在書枱前呆了大半日。熱茶已涼，但我未嚐半口，心思都在眼前電腦屏幕上——剛輸入的文字不停被刪。字越少，心越亂，人越躁。254Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7OYB5D1lsu
254Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVYswAq3703
不了。受不了。我離座往廚房換茶去。254Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡu5fvM8W3rX
254Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYc4QMaOObx
廳中老妻瞄我半眼，大概知道發生甚麼事，沒有作聲，繼續看電視。我對她的不表態不勝感激——她以最聰明的方法維護我的尊嚴。254Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhqOY9SMoDa
254Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqxl8JquAkU
滾水撞上茶葉，水仙香氣隨著冉升白煙溢散開去。254Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4tiXWVFJsQ
254Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡl6hHE5hpSu
壓力似乎一併消散。254Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSlKALy6ygW
254Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcAVM8UO2A1
茶盡。我再續杯。254Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIcDX9nIrz7
254Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxqGLyTLsSi
添茶不是長遠之計——屏幕白頁上始終沒有片言隻字。254Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqO6OsLcit7
254Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdvQMjMP0pA
嘆一口氣，慨嘆自己太天真可愛。怎麼會相信自己有寫作天分，而且一信就是幾十年。幾十年來，不停寫，不停發表，不停被無視。我只得不停安慰自己說旁人不識貨。254Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVy7O3x4wH9
254Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIRoxHob9bG
口不對心。心裡其實清楚自己料子如何。但我還是堅持寫下去。254Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡICKjBHLhFG
254Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgFWFvEGVUI
是習慣、面子、尊嚴緣故，更是不想承認自己做了一個長達幾十年的白日夢。254Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhM7dkkWCLc
254Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ56FTYNkXmY
夢醒一場空。254Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5Lr2xMoWW4
254Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOdhQCLrRhR
我本平庸，無甚專長，唯獨寫作能力相對身邊友儕略高丁點。丁點而已，卻足以讓我樂透幾十年。254Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd1Nd7HqzaU
254Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡu4G4IkdBJk
工作不順利時，我會告訴自己——我的專長不在工作上，所以被罵亦是無可厚非；人際關係不如意時，我會告訴自己——如果世人只能用文字溝通，我該是表達能力最好的人；走倒運時，我會告訴自己——我正在為快要誕生的偉大作品累積靈感……254Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡN6DY3WKE0y
254Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVoFazM5s1W
一切都是有意義的。如果我真有寫作天分的話。254Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtqmMdfALxU
254Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjlCvw71J5M
捧著熱茶回到座位。身在心在能力不在。254Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5DIEFMPy1U
254Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxw7Lqa2gNm
在刺眼的屏幕白頁前，我又嘆一口氣。254Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaMWVmgyZdf
254Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5WG3aZOfCX
我不曾長大，仍是幾十年前那個我，沉浸在中文老師讚賞的我。同學們紛表羨慕我的寫作天份，請教我如何想出精彩故事、練出動人文筆。254Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZIzODSwFB8
254Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡH6sXj5uhdp
我沾沾自喜。254Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBrl5mqXjOb
254Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡo88DlfTW8c
細心回想，我當時已覺竅門不在天分，而是努力。努力鑽研文字的運用，努力細味名著佳作當中的韻味，努力思考故事情節起伏，努力觀察分析人世百態……名副其實的將勤補拙。254Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9zubhlqg6N
254Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdwjWsUeaT6
但我沒有向同學們坦白。254Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXcfvNGyLBk
254Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeSBzasVhJp
因為我喜歡被讚賞的感覺。254Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtkQz0PdJWE
254Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxIouzfi3ZW
努力，努力，努力。254Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNjrLCLiY8t
254Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhy27MQZY8k
我的寫作技巧與日俱增，亦在多個學屆寫作比賽中獲獎。254Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9eGpZLybs7
254Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡABt7MeyVSM
我以為自己將來鐵定能夠成為作家。254Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡD0bwyvVMPa
254Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlRFG0Q19jR
以為。254Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcKQCKmXvMI
254Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqgSN1ePshf
告別校園後，我成為一個普通文職。普通收入，普通打扮，普通生活。254Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE6I1opvHgw
254Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1ps1zPzZmc
普通得輕易被取代。普通得難以承受。254Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKGxf2Vh4GP
254Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPhxlc06433
我不得不告訴自己我是多麼的有寫作天份！我是多麼的獨特！254Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnMaYKDHxiH
254Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRrIgykAepV
某夜下班回家，我泡了一壺水仙，乘著茶香全情投入寫作世界。沒有外物打擾，我的世界只有我。一切如願。那麼順心，那麼安寧，那麼快樂。254Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJVSGTGWN5u
254Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqXJtfsCCwM
我的作品感動了我。254Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGOpzYLDcaN
254Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡK2MwOlZvF1
我希望藉此找到更多懂我的人。254Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3SvkuLKXUa
254Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1tD0GqlP7F
幾十年來，不停寫，不停發表，不停被無視。我的世界與真實世界不斷相互碰撞。面對無止境的打擊，我不曾問自己為何堅持。因為一旦心生此等疑問，變相在內心種下「自我質疑」的根苗，一發不可收拾。254Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXoqjHF9yb2
254Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2fUXslaIfU
無法接受自己幾十年堅持建基於一個沒可能實現的夢想。254Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFpcQSM1e6b
254Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd4NBuONyTB
無法承受自己生來就是如此普通、平凡、平庸……254Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmCRlPdbFy6
254Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKUWxiksB4g
熱茶又涼了。254Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNoGdBFAnrG
254Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVmI7iAyw9v
屏幕白頁上始終沒有片言隻字。254Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDYSFUftvRP
254Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMB1p82e4JS
老妻繼續以不表態維護我的尊嚴。254Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5x0E5cJoJU
254Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWUduwGVxff
我的作品只感動了我。254Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡK2ZbB1Y1uU
254Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdFEkptiYxu
因為我的感受只有我讀得懂。254Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbqoOGpmrku
才：才華
落：降低、下滑
備註：此篇收錄於短篇小說集《雜念集》
ns18.223.43.31da2
