我在書枱前呆了大半日。熱茶已涼，但我未嚐半口，心思都在眼前電腦屏幕上——剛輸入的文字不停被刪。字越少，心越亂，人越躁。329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoR0McVNZms
329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVaUCSJJRfg
不了。受不了。我離座往廚房換茶去。329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1BJfnp7j5u
329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOzbJVfCl8y
廳中老妻瞄我半眼，大概知道發生甚麼事，沒有作聲，繼續看電視。我對她的不表態不勝感激——她以最聰明的方法維護我的尊嚴。329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSbRyOQQEdG
329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZUJfYKAbYS
滾水撞上茶葉，水仙香氣隨著冉升白煙溢散開去。329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqTtpyAk6ux
329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRkY7tHzgfu
壓力似乎一併消散。329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ21FokBskU0
329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAriEu5nJS7
茶盡。我再續杯。329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWish4dldGn
329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrfU8nTWv3b
添茶不是長遠之計——屏幕白頁上始終沒有片言隻字。329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡH43ipvHZ6l
329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdFffut8IdV
嘆一口氣，慨嘆自己太天真可愛。怎麼會相信自己有寫作天分，而且一信就是幾十年。幾十年來，不停寫，不停發表，不停被無視。我只得不停安慰自己說旁人不識貨。329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFIbiUStpNo
329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgUXX31vUuY
口不對心。心裡其實清楚自己料子如何。但我還是堅持寫下去。329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEc6Oglib2G
329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoHFF3UNO4X
是習慣、面子、尊嚴緣故，更是不想承認自己做了一個長達幾十年的白日夢。329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ09Gy345oxb
329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJdDPLIPzWx
夢醒一場空。329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡk3wTOQq635
329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4H17ev9gjh
我本平庸，無甚專長，唯獨寫作能力相對身邊友儕略高丁點。丁點而已，卻足以讓我樂透幾十年。329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9861jx3ve7
329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWwaxjb1sdW
工作不順利時，我會告訴自己——我的專長不在工作上，所以被罵亦是無可厚非；人際關係不如意時，我會告訴自己——如果世人只能用文字溝通，我該是表達能力最好的人；走倒運時，我會告訴自己——我正在為快要誕生的偉大作品累積靈感……329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPbNCM9VOt5
329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHdGjxFH8ej
一切都是有意義的。如果我真有寫作天分的話。329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPOj21o1wEz
329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRJB325YJ1U
捧著熱茶回到座位。身在心在能力不在。329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTEbDmuiSOO
329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡb0u26d4OEr
在刺眼的屏幕白頁前，我又嘆一口氣。329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7AA0mLPW5i
329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvil6dfLRUd
我不曾長大，仍是幾十年前那個我，沉浸在中文老師讚賞的我。同學們紛表羨慕我的寫作天份，請教我如何想出精彩故事、練出動人文筆。329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYQ46s7medg
329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJPwajO7Skp
我沾沾自喜。329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLMWDE58E7C
329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1ajBC8xwtV
細心回想，我當時已覺竅門不在天分，而是努力。努力鑽研文字的運用，努力細味名著佳作當中的韻味，努力思考故事情節起伏，努力觀察分析人世百態……名副其實的將勤補拙。329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFLBHa8LQZD
329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXbdhXvKc3h
但我沒有向同學們坦白。329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbJFlKpS9HS
329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJV9rBDwxre
因為我喜歡被讚賞的感覺。329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXdREEbrUbS
329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡe4SBHcLZGo
努力，努力，努力。329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0jUpWgLFpO
329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5cZouURhYP
我的寫作技巧與日俱增，亦在多個學屆寫作比賽中獲獎。329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhVvWcmzCrs
329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoOTEHVNvJ7
我以為自己將來鐵定能夠成為作家。329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡubpkEsSwk9
329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoehOJxxU9P
以為。329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGnHp06Okx0
329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2yN9NcldMR
告別校園後，我成為一個普通文職。普通收入，普通打扮，普通生活。329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrBrPnNmDsW
329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLlu9p11NKa
普通得輕易被取代。普通得難以承受。329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQf0mQOV6Gx
329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyuCpCcVHpj
我不得不告訴自己我是多麼的有寫作天份！我是多麼的獨特！329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNf2ZYOquMQ
329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQpI2HVastf
某夜下班回家，我泡了一壺水仙，乘著茶香全情投入寫作世界。沒有外物打擾，我的世界只有我。一切如願。那麼順心，那麼安寧，那麼快樂。329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSoXWpl6VWj
329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4AvwbInqpv
我的作品感動了我。329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfaQlaBxpzb
329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCE8VUVdEiz
我希望藉此找到更多懂我的人。329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡblCaGqQkka
329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡD558jEIsXn
幾十年來，不停寫，不停發表，不停被無視。我的世界與真實世界不斷相互碰撞。面對無止境的打擊，我不曾問自己為何堅持。因為一旦心生此等疑問，變相在內心種下「自我質疑」的根苗，一發不可收拾。329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGY24UsQNL3
329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDp7YaZ93pD
無法接受自己幾十年堅持建基於一個沒可能實現的夢想。329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0uLtlzQJ5R
329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnbqXy5KF7D
無法承受自己生來就是如此普通、平凡、平庸……329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyiaXCtFwRg
329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡher1JozCjO
熱茶又涼了。329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDBCcdDt7HB
329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAyZiIILOno
屏幕白頁上始終沒有片言隻字。329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCzFLPsTs3X
329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUkDN4uFUU1
老妻繼續以不表態維護我的尊嚴。329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTBnCBTb2VA
329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8BGoQETnQP
我的作品只感動了我。329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuzSc0reSgq
329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2U0p8IGmAn
因為我的感受只有我讀得懂。329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPwEGYYqdcQ
才：才華
落：降低、下滑
備註：此篇收錄於短篇小說集《雜念集》
ns216.73.216.25da2
