我在書枱前呆了大半日。熱茶已涼，但我未嚐半口，心思都在眼前電腦屏幕上——剛輸入的文字不停被刪。字越少，心越亂，人越躁。330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkv1u1nj7b3
330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsDDqjPLFc3
不了。受不了。我離座往廚房換茶去。330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnHBZGm54pA
330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGEhI4TXnv8
廳中老妻瞄我半眼，大概知道發生甚麼事，沒有作聲，繼續看電視。我對她的不表態不勝感激——她以最聰明的方法維護我的尊嚴。330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9fw0Nwsb80
330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbztaRwDTJN
滾水撞上茶葉，水仙香氣隨著冉升白煙溢散開去。330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtkyPyQ4qYd
330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0VltQJnqt1
壓力似乎一併消散。330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡY0mS2r1CGe
330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpQpL2Q4pVn
茶盡。我再續杯。330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRhaWe2daCZ
330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGNlAXMseuE
添茶不是長遠之計——屏幕白頁上始終沒有片言隻字。330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdLcm9mSsv3
330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡydLfYJWjvK
嘆一口氣，慨嘆自己太天真可愛。怎麼會相信自己有寫作天分，而且一信就是幾十年。幾十年來，不停寫，不停發表，不停被無視。我只得不停安慰自己說旁人不識貨。330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDrBywTHPRn
330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgSu92Dy6Jh
口不對心。心裡其實清楚自己料子如何。但我還是堅持寫下去。330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuphQdCyVUO
330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYOUhfePYnO
是習慣、面子、尊嚴緣故，更是不想承認自己做了一個長達幾十年的白日夢。330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaWWFXBuhjz
330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8y70CnL7q9
夢醒一場空。330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeCPbPMAspq
330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVmnAQA7sbr
我本平庸，無甚專長，唯獨寫作能力相對身邊友儕略高丁點。丁點而已，卻足以讓我樂透幾十年。330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXPNtI1jXSc
330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuHrVAvC3p0
工作不順利時，我會告訴自己——我的專長不在工作上，所以被罵亦是無可厚非；人際關係不如意時，我會告訴自己——如果世人只能用文字溝通，我該是表達能力最好的人；走倒運時，我會告訴自己——我正在為快要誕生的偉大作品累積靈感……330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW3SXZg94wH
330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDe9IE4lr5I
一切都是有意義的。如果我真有寫作天分的話。330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡguBxwExSTG
330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjd0NoZ9fSa
捧著熱茶回到座位。身在心在能力不在。330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCRwq7fQbdI
330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7EaKxC34ze
在刺眼的屏幕白頁前，我又嘆一口氣。330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwsoXPlKX6K
330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeaB8Ueq3JE
我不曾長大，仍是幾十年前那個我，沉浸在中文老師讚賞的我。同學們紛表羨慕我的寫作天份，請教我如何想出精彩故事、練出動人文筆。330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqGu3FHVoo2
330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhMCt5EVNVr
我沾沾自喜。330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0W25KMJr1P
330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCgsrrUAJOp
細心回想，我當時已覺竅門不在天分，而是努力。努力鑽研文字的運用，努力細味名著佳作當中的韻味，努力思考故事情節起伏，努力觀察分析人世百態……名副其實的將勤補拙。330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjuS9Hz2Zqp
330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRQ3j74OTbr
但我沒有向同學們坦白。330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6ZF6hjtTAa
330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhU8DUajAIy
因為我喜歡被讚賞的感覺。330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvoHClRS6p9
330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡACX5B1rDMy
努力，努力，努力。330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSmylzceqAT
330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgJjlElQu1P
我的寫作技巧與日俱增，亦在多個學屆寫作比賽中獲獎。330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡz3Vod2QltB
330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ51BD99KANX
我以為自己將來鐵定能夠成為作家。330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ14QTOeTgOJ
330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgjxHDD8OS7
以為。330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoFJJbpCd7J
330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQ57VWgus1E
告別校園後，我成為一個普通文職。普通收入，普通打扮，普通生活。330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ025ywacaML
330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxyz2MKutio
普通得輕易被取代。普通得難以承受。330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKwDzcEYNoZ
330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmZ9hitjcuL
我不得不告訴自己我是多麼的有寫作天份！我是多麼的獨特！330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNKrUQNZJ6b
330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHPspZ7usGe
某夜下班回家，我泡了一壺水仙，乘著茶香全情投入寫作世界。沒有外物打擾，我的世界只有我。一切如願。那麼順心，那麼安寧，那麼快樂。330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUgGN6bXPKv
330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwM4oqWEfEJ
我的作品感動了我。330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyWgcmsJeLH
330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡw4MvorlLqb
我希望藉此找到更多懂我的人。330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCE821EOwBC
330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdTpFk3iPG4
幾十年來，不停寫，不停發表，不停被無視。我的世界與真實世界不斷相互碰撞。面對無止境的打擊，我不曾問自己為何堅持。因為一旦心生此等疑問，變相在內心種下「自我質疑」的根苗，一發不可收拾。330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKQKvrdPt4V
330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS9DwTZIjxV
無法接受自己幾十年堅持建基於一個沒可能實現的夢想。330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJ6Ku5Cf8mq
330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4trw4R4uFv
無法承受自己生來就是如此普通、平凡、平庸……330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZJivOgg9FD
330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxuNL7mQw9q
熱茶又涼了。330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWKZMPmJ5js
330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzbvPSlGeeo
屏幕白頁上始終沒有片言隻字。330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIC4DYFOXC8
330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpPuOZYlE5d
老妻繼續以不表態維護我的尊嚴。330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfkKWxarvZX
330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3hMbK7k1W5
我的作品只感動了我。330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvFcsqKcqyb
330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBrp1M8zxIG
因為我的感受只有我讀得懂。330Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvZZjn5aRhI
才：才華
落：降低、下滑
備註：此篇收錄於短篇小說集《雜念集》
ns216.73.216.25da2
