我在書枱前呆了大半日。熱茶已涼,但我未嚐半口,心思都在眼前電腦屏幕上——剛輸入的文字不停被刪。字越少,心越亂,人越躁。329Please respect copyright.PENANAoR0McVNZms
329Please respect copyright.PENANAVaUCSJJRfg
不了。受不了。我離座往廚房換茶去。329Please respect copyright.PENANA1BJfnp7j5u
329Please respect copyright.PENANAOzbJVfCl8y
廳中老妻瞄我半眼,大概知道發生甚麼事,沒有作聲,繼續看電視。我對她的不表態不勝感激——她以最聰明的方法維護我的尊嚴。329Please respect copyright.PENANASbRyOQQEdG
329Please respect copyright.PENANAZUJfYKAbYS
滾水撞上茶葉,水仙香氣隨著冉升白煙溢散開去。329Please respect copyright.PENANAqTtpyAk6ux
329Please respect copyright.PENANARkY7tHzgfu
壓力似乎一併消散。329Please respect copyright.PENANA21FokBskU0
329Please respect copyright.PENANAAriEu5nJS7
茶盡。我再續杯。329Please respect copyright.PENANAWish4dldGn
329Please respect copyright.PENANArfU8nTWv3b
添茶不是長遠之計——屏幕白頁上始終沒有片言隻字。329Please respect copyright.PENANAH43ipvHZ6l
329Please respect copyright.PENANAdFffut8IdV
嘆一口氣,慨嘆自己太天真可愛。怎麼會相信自己有寫作天分,而且一信就是幾十年。幾十年來,不停寫,不停發表,不停被無視。我只得不停安慰自己說旁人不識貨。329Please respect copyright.PENANAFIbiUStpNo
329Please respect copyright.PENANAgUXX31vUuY
口不對心。心裡其實清楚自己料子如何。但我還是堅持寫下去。329Please respect copyright.PENANAEc6Oglib2G
329Please respect copyright.PENANAoHFF3UNO4X
是習慣、面子、尊嚴緣故,更是不想承認自己做了一個長達幾十年的白日夢。329Please respect copyright.PENANA09Gy345oxb
329Please respect copyright.PENANAJdDPLIPzWx
夢醒一場空。329Please respect copyright.PENANAk3wTOQq635
329Please respect copyright.PENANA4H17ev9gjh
我本平庸,無甚專長,唯獨寫作能力相對身邊友儕略高丁點。丁點而已,卻足以讓我樂透幾十年。329Please respect copyright.PENANA9861jx3ve7
329Please respect copyright.PENANAWwaxjb1sdW
工作不順利時,我會告訴自己——我的專長不在工作上,所以被罵亦是無可厚非;人際關係不如意時,我會告訴自己——如果世人只能用文字溝通,我該是表達能力最好的人;走倒運時,我會告訴自己——我正在為快要誕生的偉大作品累積靈感……329Please respect copyright.PENANAPbNCM9VOt5
329Please respect copyright.PENANAHdGjxFH8ej
一切都是有意義的。如果我真有寫作天分的話。329Please respect copyright.PENANAPOj21o1wEz
329Please respect copyright.PENANARJB325YJ1U
捧著熱茶回到座位。身在心在能力不在。329Please respect copyright.PENANATEbDmuiSOO
329Please respect copyright.PENANAb0u26d4OEr
在刺眼的屏幕白頁前,我又嘆一口氣。329Please respect copyright.PENANA7AA0mLPW5i
329Please respect copyright.PENANAvil6dfLRUd
我不曾長大,仍是幾十年前那個我,沉浸在中文老師讚賞的我。同學們紛表羨慕我的寫作天份,請教我如何想出精彩故事、練出動人文筆。329Please respect copyright.PENANAYQ46s7medg
329Please respect copyright.PENANAJPwajO7Skp
我沾沾自喜。329Please respect copyright.PENANALMWDE58E7C
329Please respect copyright.PENANA1ajBC8xwtV
細心回想,我當時已覺竅門不在天分,而是努力。努力鑽研文字的運用,努力細味名著佳作當中的韻味,努力思考故事情節起伏,努力觀察分析人世百態……名副其實的將勤補拙。329Please respect copyright.PENANAFLBHa8LQZD
329Please respect copyright.PENANAXbdhXvKc3h
但我沒有向同學們坦白。329Please respect copyright.PENANAbJFlKpS9HS
329Please respect copyright.PENANAJV9rBDwxre
因為我喜歡被讚賞的感覺。329Please respect copyright.PENANAXdREEbrUbS
329Please respect copyright.PENANAe4SBHcLZGo
努力,努力,努力。329Please respect copyright.PENANA0jUpWgLFpO
329Please respect copyright.PENANA5cZouURhYP
我的寫作技巧與日俱增,亦在多個學屆寫作比賽中獲獎。329Please respect copyright.PENANAhVvWcmzCrs
329Please respect copyright.PENANAoOTEHVNvJ7
我以為自己將來鐵定能夠成為作家。329Please respect copyright.PENANAubpkEsSwk9
329Please respect copyright.PENANAoehOJxxU9P
以為。329Please respect copyright.PENANAGnHp06Okx0
329Please respect copyright.PENANA2yN9NcldMR
告別校園後,我成為一個普通文職。普通收入,普通打扮,普通生活。329Please respect copyright.PENANArBrPnNmDsW
329Please respect copyright.PENANALlu9p11NKa
普通得輕易被取代。普通得難以承受。329Please respect copyright.PENANAQf0mQOV6Gx
329Please respect copyright.PENANAyuCpCcVHpj
我不得不告訴自己我是多麼的有寫作天份!我是多麼的獨特!329Please respect copyright.PENANANf2ZYOquMQ
329Please respect copyright.PENANAQpI2HVastf
某夜下班回家,我泡了一壺水仙,乘著茶香全情投入寫作世界。沒有外物打擾,我的世界只有我。一切如願。那麼順心,那麼安寧,那麼快樂。329Please respect copyright.PENANASoXWpl6VWj
329Please respect copyright.PENANA4AvwbInqpv
我的作品感動了我。329Please respect copyright.PENANAfaQlaBxpzb
329Please respect copyright.PENANACE8VUVdEiz
我希望藉此找到更多懂我的人。329Please respect copyright.PENANAblCaGqQkka
329Please respect copyright.PENANAD558jEIsXn
幾十年來,不停寫,不停發表,不停被無視。我的世界與真實世界不斷相互碰撞。面對無止境的打擊,我不曾問自己為何堅持。因為一旦心生此等疑問,變相在內心種下「自我質疑」的根苗,一發不可收拾。329Please respect copyright.PENANAGY24UsQNL3
329Please respect copyright.PENANADp7YaZ93pD
無法接受自己幾十年堅持建基於一個沒可能實現的夢想。329Please respect copyright.PENANA0uLtlzQJ5R
329Please respect copyright.PENANAnbqXy5KF7D
無法承受自己生來就是如此普通、平凡、平庸……329Please respect copyright.PENANAyiaXCtFwRg
329Please respect copyright.PENANAher1JozCjO
熱茶又涼了。329Please respect copyright.PENANADBCcdDt7HB
329Please respect copyright.PENANAAyZiIILOno
屏幕白頁上始終沒有片言隻字。329Please respect copyright.PENANACzFLPsTs3X
329Please respect copyright.PENANAUkDN4uFUU1
老妻繼續以不表態維護我的尊嚴。329Please respect copyright.PENANATBnCBTb2VA
329Please respect copyright.PENANA8BGoQETnQP
我的作品只感動了我。329Please respect copyright.PENANAuzSc0reSgq
329Please respect copyright.PENANA2U0p8IGmAn
因為我的感受只有我讀得懂。329Please respect copyright.PENANAPwEGYYqdcQ
才:才華
落:降低、下滑
備註:此篇收錄於短篇小說集《雜念集》
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