A/N: A somewhat tongue-in-cheek skit as you can probably tell from the title, but this was plenty of fun to write. Maybe I'll return to properly finish it one day. 934Please respect copyright.PENANAi7HYsiy5aP
-:-934Please respect copyright.PENANA20GjFIHR78
THE TYPICAL GOTHIC VICTORIAN MELODRAMA, ONLY GAYER AND LESS WHITE934Please respect copyright.PENANAFK1jYCQfgw
CHARACTERS934Please respect copyright.PENANAlOjDXijzXB
CECIL - male, twenties, biracial, well-dressed934Please respect copyright.PENANAaXH80u09Uq
XIUYING - female, twenties, Chinese, no-nonsense; a suffragette934Please respect copyright.PENANAydYLQYwKae
--934Please respect copyright.PENANAjW72DdqpVh
EXT. GARDEN BENCH, NIGHT934Please respect copyright.PENANAIQdCqwLpfl
Early twentieth century. CECIL sits, head in his hands, as XIUYING studies a handwritten letter with furrowed brows. She carefully folds it back up and turns to CECIL.934Please respect copyright.PENANAkqAXX3dQ8D
XIUYING934Please respect copyright.PENANAwStb3ecuf2
We don’t have much time.934Please respect copyright.PENANABoONiU4ej6
CECIL
I’m surprised we have any time left at all! It only came in the post this morning. What the hell am I going to do?934Please respect copyright.PENANAPiRSbeGkGX
XIUYING934Please respect copyright.PENANA1Uun6ZNfkw
First, you need to calm down so we can consider the situation. 934Please respect copyright.PENANAkWorvQztdH
CECIL934Please respect copyright.PENANABcIDnQOmwi
Calm? Calm? How can you expect me to stay calm after that? My lover is blackmailing me over poetry - explicit poetry that I sent him! He expects a thousand pounds by tonight, or else I’m in for ruin and two years hard labour!934Please respect copyright.PENANA3vOgpCN1T2
XIUYING934Please respect copyright.PENANA4bSIg9Ayzx
I understand you’re upset - 934Please respect copyright.PENANAE22pb6yfui
CECIL934Please respect copyright.PENANAaGER3mrwF3
I damn well am! 934Please respect copyright.PENANAO5mxzIyp41
XIUYING934Please respect copyright.PENANA4VPo2dqsJx
- but panicking will get nothing done. I am so sorry this happened, Cecil, and… I’m so sorry about Laurence.934Please respect copyright.PENANA3k7CDvfN8g
CECIL, stricken anew, breaks down. 934Please respect copyright.PENANA21muifFitx
CECIL934Please respect copyright.PENANAJ34KwVwpZn
Dear God, I trusted him. The first person I ever trusted with my love, and he betrayed me. I didn’t know he had it in him. We were all so careful. There was no possible chance of discovery. The three of us were the only ones who knew. I don’t understand why he could do this. 934Please respect copyright.PENANAG4UOKXtV4h
XIUYING934Please respect copyright.PENANAshyRiFscfs
(slowly)934Please respect copyright.PENANAnJmybcr4Zj
As a matter of fact, I highly doubt it was him at all.934Please respect copyright.PENANAVUBEWQTBs8
CECIL freezes and looks up at her. 934Please respect copyright.PENANA9ecXltaZVm
CECIL934Please respect copyright.PENANAvn454d4ekL
What?934Please respect copyright.PENANAVrf5pd3HuI
XIUYING934Please respect copyright.PENANA5rclzztFg5
I cannot in good conscience believe that Laurence is behind this.934Please respect copyright.PENANAJr95pSjFUh
CECIL934Please respect copyright.PENANAleWLaZxeqY
Xiuying, what on earth are you talking about? This is Laurence’s handwriting. This is the very ink and paper he uses to write his plays! (He gets angry.) Do you think I haven’t considered the possibility that the love of my life couldn’t be blackmailing me like this? This is undeniably him!934Please respect copyright.PENANA6AmdhfSzch
XIUYING934Please respect copyright.PENANAIOQw94YNx0
Yes, but if you had taken the time to read over this thoroughly, you would notice that his handwriting is wobbly.934Please respect copyright.PENANAX75DWsqYX8
CECIL934Please respect copyright.PENANAxfwdoAERSH
It’s always wobbly. Messy handwriting is the staple of any artist.934Please respect copyright.PENANAHS3ZfXCeV4
XIUYING934Please respect copyright.PENANA7lVKEnUika
Messier than usual, I mean. You two may be lovers, but I’m the one who’s known him since grammar school. He only ever writes like this when he’s upset or under exceptional stress.934Please respect copyright.PENANAYJcsoXtEKO
CECIL934Please respect copyright.PENANAVPXeZBDBi2
Well, maybe he was nervous, pulling the rug out from under someone who trusted him. 934Please respect copyright.PENANAoJHcY6oU3j
XIUYING934Please respect copyright.PENANAtNMLyw8uTS
That may be the case, but look at this.934Please respect copyright.PENANAWku2TSTcJC
She points at several dark brown and rust-coloured stains at the edges of the paper. There are ink blotches everywhere, but these particular spots, upon close inspection, are distinctive. 934Please respect copyright.PENANAzoKvpW0VQ4
XIUYING934Please respect copyright.PENANAx1cH3PunUe
If I’m not mistaken, that is blood.934Please respect copyright.PENANAah7lxIkkJ5
CECIL934Please respect copyright.PENANAUBYBXas4r7
Blood? (A pause as horrified realization creeps in.) Oh, dear God. Laurence.934Please respect copyright.PENANAHuC8Hu3Ewg
XIUYING934Please respect copyright.PENANAhIpEYLccjZ
(grimly)934Please respect copyright.PENANA3zOgwEM2uo
Exactly. There’s something deeper here, far worse than what’s on the surface. 934Please respect copyright.PENANAToNshufvC3
CECIL934Please respect copyright.PENANAifbIwhy504
But - but if someone is forcing Laurence to write this, then how - how can we get him back? I don’t own a thousand pounds. I couldn’t possibly pay this person off.934Please respect copyright.PENANAsaRLVgEuL1
CECIL is shocked to turn and see XIUYING smiling faintly. 934Please respect copyright.PENANAk1TQ8IW7hk
XIUYING934Please respect copyright.PENANASzpsqpqEFw
Who said anything about paying them off?934Please respect copyright.PENANABCQPRDORQq
--934Please respect copyright.PENANAwqePjyegmU