***Characters in this scene***
773Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTe5xyxNAOY
Ivy Wilkerson
Description: 18. Newlywed. An over thinker, mature for her age yet doesn’t know how to take care of herself, yet insists on being independent. Somewhat irresponsible, yet engages in surprisingly tame behavior considering her background. Cynical, bad social skills, goes on irrelevant tangents, yet endearing and has clear potential. Decent grades at school, yet no aspirations. Two close female friends. Psychological damage is evident.
773Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaSanYNsZkB
Benjamin (Ben) Maxfield
Description: 33. Also newlywed. Severe OCD that interferes with his daily interactions. Caring with good intentions, but doesn’t quite seem to understand Ivy, even though he tries. However, he clearly loves her. Combined with his fathers inheritance and being a manager at an Apple store, he lives comfortably at a Brooklyn apartment, although he tries to be secretive about it, due to the fact that most of his friends are poor and he tries to avoid provoking jealousy. He and his wife both have the tendency to blurt out odd and shocking things.
773Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyFg1WaQmwI
Female Neighbor (Offstage)
Description: Not much needs to be said about this woman and her spouse. Middle aged. Hates her husband. Anger issues.
773Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoHO4o7w0no
Male Neighbor (Offstage)
Description: Middle aged to elderly. Married to pyscho woman.
773Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡthmiild8wV
773Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡw73M7NPoCy
773Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡn3hj54H1QF
773Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyxeLIJjDjt
773Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSsLu1vrm53
Setting: Medium to small apartment in Brooklyn in the year 2015. Their place isn't extravagant by any means, with the bare necessities but also clear that they're not in poverty. Cheesy 70s wallpaper decorates the interior. A few cliche photos of hackneyed motivational quotes line the walls as well. Think a minimalistic-ly drawn tree with the word “Hope” written over it in cursive. Random things in the room are a little worn down, for example, the sofa has a patch of duct tape on one cushion)
773Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡffTqGmDwxI
SCENE 1
773Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCoVhRcDmUv
773Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNJzif7lITd
(The couple walks into their apartment, lady first)
773Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIyrs3hbejn
Ben: Aw c’mon, the movie wasn’t that bad. There has to be at least one positive thing you can say.
773Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcXnUMUXSlu
Ivy: I think with some therapy I might be able to recover from it.
773Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡebkkSy7HAz
(She flops on the couch and throws her jacket on the floor. Ben sighs, picks it up, and hangs it somewhere)
773Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEisG8rYFaY
Ben: You need to lower your standards.
773Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡViUJeC7afA
Ivy: Well sorry I have taste.
773Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTyiimjIOhb
Ben: Are you saying I have bad taste?
773Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡl4Wy6l74EA
Ivy: No, I’m saying you have no taste.
773Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgxxL7RDZwD
(Offstage a semi loud crrreeeaaakkk is heard followed by footsteps)
773Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPfqQylPwwL
Ben: Oh hey, the Goyer’s are home. Almost same time as us. Damn, our walls are crazy thin. I wonder if they can hear us as well as we can hear them. Ivy?
773Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd2zHVa9YI4
(She stares at the ceiling catatonically. Offstage a voice is heard.)
773Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHhllV4xidK
Man: Hey honey, how ‘bout we have some fun tonight?
773Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8b1SNiE0yt
Woman: Fuck off, I have a headache.
773Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4KWIkeydBg
Man: You know sex is the best cure for a headache, right?
773Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAl4h8m2KGq
Woman: Nooo, an orgasm is the best cure for a headache!
773Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZ2K5z6Cgr8
Man: What the hell is that supposed to mean?!
773Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnfm5d27CWi
Woman: YOU KNOW EXACTLY WHAT IT MEANS!
773Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡILLZrrLsnP
(Yelling over each other)
773Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡV8WzXGUwzD
Ivy: Jesus, those two should be in a sitcom!
773Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡB3Qce6vHly
Ben: Or in custody.
773Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡG7ZitCIsue
(Offstage clashing, banging, and quarreling is heard)
773Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2NLBkghWF1
Ben: Aaaaannnnddd they’re at it again.
773Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvjYgL9urCO
Ivy: (Sits up, mildly concerned) Should we call the police?
773Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ70w8OreWt9
Ben: No point, they don’t even come anymore.
773Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnSsBfenQPm
Woman: IF YOU TAKE ONE STEP CLOSER I WILL CASTRATE YOU WITH MY BARE HANDS!
773Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoDDpxnHQWd
Ben: (Calmly, like this has happened a billion times before) Alright, I’m off to keep this man’s testicles in tact.
773Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg3ZKA8Fiqw
(Ivy chuckles)
773Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLScR0Fqxhh
Ben: (While walking out the door) You know what I mean!
773Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJOdzlMLnZB
Ben: (Heard offstage) Alright, you guys, ther- (couple is bickering, not even realizing Ben is in the room) SON OF A- (his voice is drowned out by more intense clashing and banging)
773Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaW81cLSrwf
(Loud door slamming, running down stairs noises)
773Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTkd7PfrFqM
Ben: (Flings the door open) How does that woman wipe her ass with those nails? When was the last time she cut them? Aw crap, I think one of them broke off in my shirt! (Checks under it frantically).
773Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmBalSoJOf8
Ivy: (Walks across room to get a bandaid) Man, I think those two are starting to rub off on us. (Approaches Ben and places it on his forearm, he is panicked and still searching for the nail, not even aware that his arm is bleeding. She struggles to pull it away from him to place the bandage on)
773Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnFoJ6apPqk
Ben: (Distracted, half-assing the conversation) Wuyddaya mean?
773Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2b6Rku1Qqb
Ivy: I mean, we’ve picked up on their petty arguments.
773Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHOhYRDWKYJ
Ben: (Stops, suddenly interested) I don’t follow.
773Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfGBo44ky4u
Ivy: I mean, just five minutes ago we were arguing about that godawful movie, I insulted you and-
773Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE6ngfmn09h
Ben: Wait, you consider that arguing?
773Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAUlCwdwbnP
Ivy: Well…yeah.
773Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ95aeFwQd9c
Ben: Oh, I mean, well…really? I just thought we were teasing each other. Ya’ know, like, playfully. Harmless.
773Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ79V1uhefA5
Ivy: Oh, I was worried you were taking my words the wrong way. I’m not being malicious when I say stuff like that y’know. Just…wouldn’t it be boring if I were just nice and pleasant to you all the time? If I only complimented you? Smiled at you? I hate that Doris Day bullshit. A healthy relationship, well in my eyes at least, we take those little flaws about our partner and milk them to no end. I’ll never stop teasing you about your lack of taste. I like the fact that you think crocs are an acceptable footwear. I mean I fucking hate it, but it’s cute ya know? It why I married you. Your lameness is cute. If you didn’t have any flaws you’d be like Doris Day with a dick. Its like that episode of Friends where Monica and Chandler-
773Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6ftHa5bwff
Ben: (Interrupting his lovely wife) Alright, alright, stop. (Pauses) …Oh shit, I found the nail on the floor! Get the trash can! Get the trash can!
773Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyZB4hcp9YD
(Ivy sighs and walks across the room, almost in slow motion as if to torture him)
773Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMtEAJsNl8A
Ben: Ivy! Quick! Hurry! C’mon! (she tosses the trash can at his feet and sighs. Ben calms down instantly after he throws the nail in it)
773Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlQo5esG4aO
Ben: (Deep breath then snaps out of it) Glad we’ve cleared that up.
773Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQzOHTCAwed
Ivy: (Still visibly upset) Yeah…still feeling kinda…what’s the word?
773Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmEJkkp2Xs4
Ben: … Sad…?
773Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0MmeI5X0fH
Ivy: Yeah, that’s the one.
773Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrDMZTfrCzJ
Ben: …Becaaussee…?
773Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡG7GEPqIcHe
Ivy: How often to you hear those two?
773Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡthhiR8U2qZ
Ben: Well I mean, I hear them upstairs everyday, but instances like that I’d say are about once a month. First time she’s drawn blood though. Gotta admit I'm a little proud of her.
773Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPe3W44LJ8n
Ivy: You know they remind me of my parents.
773Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7bBnM6Z467
Ben: Not surprising. You’ve told me about them.
773Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡK5FUxzBjT8
Ivy: I’m worried we’re gonna turn out like them. Your neighbors, I mean, So technically my parents as well. I don’t know, almost seems inevitable. Don’t ask me for a rational explanation for me saying this because there isn’t one. It’s just a hunch. Some 4th dimensional voodoo bullshit. The spirits are calling out to me, Ben.
773Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡi4wz22qoZo
Ben: Jesus, Ivy.
773Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHxLX8TxBvj
Ivy: I was being facetious. But the concern still stands. (Circles around the couch once then sits down in the middle). Didn’t you tell me your neighbors are 15 years apart in age as well?
773Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡI9TblHevaS
Ben: Something like that, yeah, give or take.
773Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPucHn883Ix
Ivy: Don’t you find that weird?
773Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMotMt5o25L
Ben: No, just a coincidence. In fact, I think its like, their only similarity to us.
773Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnXsm6K8miS
Ivy: As far as we know. I don’t know. Maybe being in such different stages of life strained their marriage.
773Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhTzdUNoa6O
Ben: Or maybe the bad sex. They really need to soundproof their walls. (Ivy sighs and Ben approaches her from behind and rubs her shoulders) Listen, everything’s gonna be alright. A little self awareness goes a long way. I’m sure the Goyer’s have never even bothered to evaluate their relationship. Or themselves for that matter. Now I’m gonna go take a nap alright? Afterwords we’ll move your next few boxes in. Oh also, I found a blue one wedged underneath the carseat. Medium sized.
773Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5iqd6UgRlh
Ivy: Oh yeah! That must be where I packed all my panties. Had to turn this pair inside out.
773Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPUjnqUvwmM
773Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUOj5MEPtXx
773Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3yQO1Xf89T
END SCENE 1
SCENE TWO
773Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡD7gKdPDk28
***Characters in this scene***
773Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡM0NZ3nsaRr
Ben
773Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUbqGmtkQAH
Therapist (Unnamed so far)
Description: Extremely scholarly, well educated, and formal. Fond of Ben, although she seems to get slightly blunt and irritated with him at times. Her speciality is eating disorders, so she was a bit puzzled as to why Ben and chosen to see her for his OCD, but it turns out that she was the only psychologist within a 20 mile radius that was 100% covered by his insurance.
773Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBUFInJjyzW
773Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTz4mrW5ed3
(Ben sitting with his therapist)
773Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxGDJ7UYkW1
Ben: I’ve never been able to pinpoint where exactly my issues with women stem from. Ivy says its because my father was misogynistic, but I don’t really agree with that.
773Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9bnxnnHRTF
Therapist: Was your father a misogynist?
773Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡK5Njia5cQW
***Cue Flashback***
773Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡElbTKQUMon
(Young boy, around age 10 stands outside dribbling a basketball. Middle aged man wearing a baseball cap and a mustache approaches him and puts his arm around him)
773Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡypwwiBN71I
Father: Son, let me tell you a little something about respecting women… See, the thing is, women aren’t people, so you don’t have to respect them. Alright, good talk son. (Pats Ben’s shoulder and leaves)
773Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBaZhWo3r54
***End Flashback***
773Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOWIaDDf3to
Ben: God no! He was great!
773Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡf84vxPQphQ
Therapist: (Writing on notepad in a quintessential therapist manner) Mhm. Mhm.
773Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnm9UGRNQkK
Ben: My sister says my disorder might have something to do with it. I mean, its tough to stick with a person when you’re so picky right? Like the slightest thing about someone will get to me so it makes romance nearly impossible.
773Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3nMYdwmT5N
***Cue Another Flashback***
773Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeaponfVica
(Teenage Ben on a date with teenage another girl)
773Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡut5oTvv7W8
Teenage Ben: So what’s your sign?
773Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZl1hddQV03
Girl: I’m a scorpio.
773Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbykcnXaJSh
Teenage Ben: SON OF A BITCH! (Throws chair against wall and storms out of restaurant)
773Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡD4kFCrElja
***End Flashback***
773Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6VOeXnfW2d
Therapist: Well obviously there are multiple factors. It’s a complicated issue you know.
773Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnnWS6IclyR
Ben: Yeah, true. (Aggressively pulls at a thread on his sweater)
773Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNWgFPv9CRj
Therapist: And I don’t know if you remember but this but, you’re married now. You can worry about this issue a little less. Honey, honey, just cut if off! (hands ben a pair of scissors). Tell me about Ivory.
773Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5oykgduXDP
Ben: Ivy.
773Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5ERc2Ww6pm
Therapist: Ivy. Tell me about her. What do you like about her? And be specific.
773Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUnIhdez3Gi
Ben: Oh man well, where do I begin? She balances me out. Stresses me the fuck out, but its worth it. Better than not having her. She’s not perfect by any means which is just makes her even more endearing. Her apathy is not only impressive and kinda sexy, it’s fucking fascinating. I mean how does she manage that of lack give a fuck? She’ll walk in a room and throw her jacket on the floor. The floor! Without even a second thought! I mean how the hell? I’m jealous of that in a sense. I would think maybe being around her, well, I would pick up on her mannerisms a little bit, like almost absentmindedly. They say that the reason couples tend to look like each other when they get older its because they spend so much time together that their skin ages in a similar way. They’ll be out together in the sun in the same place at the same time, and the wrinkles around their mouth would form similarly from all the times they’ve laughed together. So I always find myself wanting to adapt to her. It’s like she’s this big powerful force I need to succumb to. Not to say I’m using her in any sense, I mean god I fucking love her. She’s the only person I’ve never wanted to run away from the second they do something that upsets me. Sometimes I think every thing about us that could be different, is different. But then I tell myself “No, thats ridiculous, we have so much in common.” I mean, we both like Star Wars! And even if we are different in every sense of the word, we still balance each other out. But still, she manages to be so complicated even with apathy being her strongest trait. It’s like she’s a code I’m constantly trying to unlock and I’m just guessing numbers at this point.
773Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJtMvYc5XuD
Therapist: I have a hard time believing this is your first time ever being exposed to someone who is apathetic. Why does she compel you more than others with such a trait?
773Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡM1vWotwik3
Ben: Oh well, of course its not my first time. I went to high school you know.
773Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJm1tzu4YrM
Therapist: No need to be sarcastic.
773Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzka3SmkwER
Ben: Sorry. Maybe her age has something to do with it. Or maybe its because she’s hot, so she can get away with it. Either way it seems different with her. Like she’s not doing the apathy thing because she wants to be “cool”, so she puts on a guise, its much more intense than that. It reaches to her bones and her core.
773Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqL3BZXp1jg
Therapist: You know a “lack-of-give-a-fuck” to that extent is often a symptom of clinical depression.
773Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSV77MAi663
Ben: Oh if this girl doesn’t have clinical depression I personally give you permission to pluck each one my pubes off individually. Of course she has that shit. Never been diagnosed though. No opportunities. God, she’s never had an opportunity for a damn thing in her life. The second I walked into her house I knew I needed to get her the fuck out of there. She told me she used to sleep in an open drawer when she was a baby because there was no room in her house due to all of her siblings. I proposed to her that night, no ring, no one knee bullshit, just blurted it out. Neither of us are much one for romance. She told me about her home life for hours that day and got real heavy. I couldn’t take it anymore so I said to her, “Look. I have money. I have a place. You don’t have to have anything to do with me if you don’t want, hell, we don’t even have to talk to each other, just marry me. Seriously. You never have to deal with any of this again.” She said yes, but it wasn’t an enthusiastic yes, it was a “sure, why not” yes. And I had never been more relieved in my entire life. I had never felt so positively about a “yeah, sure, whatever” before. The second she graduated, she walked right out of the building, stuffed her cap and diploma in her oversized purse, and met me at city hall.
773Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5PYq3nuVFY
Therapist: ….
773Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡF9o0TYzAtN
Ben: What?
773Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeNXOfhBRn6
Therapist: Ben, are you sure that this is a legitimate marriage?
773Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡceFfvVZ23y
Ben: (Slightly offended and confused) Well yeah, legally, I have all the papers-
773Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvV4mlRRAVG
Therapist: No, I mean…how do I say this? Alright, who’s idea was it to merely go down to city hall and not have as much as a simple celebration for the occasion?
773Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeTi6jUSZBW
Ben: Well we went to Olive Garden after! And hers, she’s not much one for romance.
773Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡR8OPxdrSLH
Therapist: I see. Why did you tell her “We don’t even have to talk to each other”?
773Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ17o5Yyu5E7
Ben: I was joking! I didn’t actually say that.
773Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZf1f4IM74t
Therapist: But there has to be a reason you mentioned that in your description a few minutes ago.
773Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ487kFHZ4zV
Ben: She just acts like she hates me sometimes. I don’t take it personally though, she tends to be very antisocial to everyone. Alright, you know I’d be lying if I said that I didn’t propose to her as a favor, right? I’ll admit to that. But I wouldn’t propose to someone I didn’t love. I’ve met plenty people in shitty situations, and I’ve never really felt the need to interfere nearly as much…but with her its different, cause ya know, feelings and shit. And she wouldn’t have said yes to just anyone, right? I mean there has to be something about me that appeals to her, right? At least I’m the lesser of two evils. That’s enough for me right now, I guess. Well no, maybe I’d want to be-
773Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsfqKAmuyGi
Therapist: Ben, does this girl even like you?
773Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdJl4gDY5BS
Ben: I…I don’t know.
773Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlJITNgJpqv
END SCENE TWO
ns216.73.216.85da2
