[Darkness.]
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[Brightness. White hospital light. A generic student accommodation. ROXIE sits at the generic table in the corner of a generic kitchen. She is listless.]271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYRJa06chn2
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ROXIE:271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiUVMBQqKEb
I am new here. Hallo. My name is Roxie. I only came out a few months ago so maybe I should also say that my name before was Rian. My dad is a counsellor and he says that I should tell people what my old name was so that they can know me better.
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But I bet that's bullshit. Anyway. Here I am. Here is me. There are three stools in this kitchen for the three of us who will live in this apartment here. 271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBcXfUrYevz
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But none others have yet arrived so, yeah, just, me. But that's okay. I can be my own best entertainer. The girlie I met in the train told me that if my family don't support me, then I must leave them and the friends I make here will become my new family. 271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPz6IhETw4Q
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That's true enough I suppose. 271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhPqdxfxJCh
[ROXIE stands up from the table and walks over to the kitchen window and stares out of it to the other blank, generic accommodations across the road. She is, again, listless to the most extreme.]
ROXIE:
This isn't who I thought I would turn out to be...
Pause. 271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡItQZGRwSlM
But who do I talk to? Why speak aloud?271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPWX5ncksjF
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But of course I know why. I do. I do. I do. The longer that the echo between speech lasts the more I am forced to sit and listen. So I must get it all out. Every bit of it, however ugly. 271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNEaKk0yXtX
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But it's still hard, you know? Just because my dad's a psychotherapist and I understand what I am to do, it doesn't make it any easier. 271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9HjglWmvnC
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But I will try. Because, frankly, what else is there to do?271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjDN69rLecj
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I started watching porn videos when I was twelve years old. Was it then or when I don't know that I became an addict. When did it switch from a once to a constant. It was an echo-chamber of madness and dark intentions. 271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiCaxoJcD1h
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Sometimes I wonder if my own mental state now is a result of that. I wonder if I'm all wrong. I wonder if this is normal, to be doubting your own existence. I wonder if this is all just an after effect of my own upbringing. I wonder a lot of things.
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Because, perhaps, yeah, perhaps I am real. And I am me. And perhaps I can trust my head and perhaps I can safely say, Yes. I am me. 271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMSXcCZISHS
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But I can't just make all of those other thoughts go away at once. How could I? I'm not a superhero...271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdNcnGJoB5c
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Or would it be a super-heroine? 271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvKNdnMuoFo
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I'm kind of comfortable with all the really awful feminine stereotypes. Dumb blondes, bimbos, damsels and dames. It doesn't really bother me. If anything, it makes me feel better that I might not over act. 271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbjgenk7wqM
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"Act" It isn't acting as a woman. I am a woman and I am me and I know I must be. What I meant was when I am in public and trying to pass as cis. 271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjO69DRtdA5
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[During this pause, ROXIE turns away from the window and makes her way over to the fridge. It is dull and generic. She goes to open it, stops herself, and then opens it.]271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9EHLYcYAW0
ROXIE:
But the night will soon be over, thank God. And I will soon lose consciousness. I will soon lose all ability to think and overthink about all my shortcomings and long stretches alone. I look forward to sleep. I look forward to when everything is set in stone, when it's all black and white, when I'm no longer an addict, when I don't get hungover and have a license and can stay within my waist goals and everything is perfect. But until then. I must sleep.
Pause. 271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMRjbQeiwRy
[During the pause, ROXIE gradually sinks down onto floor and curls into a ball.]271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvUbOH4FZ1n
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[Darkness.]271Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlH5Ex466nj
