[Darkness.]
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[Brightness. White hospital light. A generic student accommodation. ROXIE sits at the generic table in the corner of a generic kitchen. She is listless.]349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiTYLk1WSG2
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ROXIE:349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeed43VB5So
I am new here. Hallo. My name is Roxie. I only came out a few months ago so maybe I should also say that my name before was Rian. My dad is a counsellor and he says that I should tell people what my old name was so that they can know me better.
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But I bet that's bullshit. Anyway. Here I am. Here is me. There are three stools in this kitchen for the three of us who will live in this apartment here. 349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYd0ORguvhU
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But none others have yet arrived so, yeah, just, me. But that's okay. I can be my own best entertainer. The girlie I met in the train told me that if my family don't support me, then I must leave them and the friends I make here will become my new family. 349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkaivd7GNId
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That's true enough I suppose. 349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZQuXX2wuHi
[ROXIE stands up from the table and walks over to the kitchen window and stares out of it to the other blank, generic accommodations across the road. She is, again, listless to the most extreme.]
ROXIE:
This isn't who I thought I would turn out to be...
Pause. 349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6nBzzz8Epq
But who do I talk to? Why speak aloud?349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQbpPyQ5UgS
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But of course I know why. I do. I do. I do. The longer that the echo between speech lasts the more I am forced to sit and listen. So I must get it all out. Every bit of it, however ugly. 349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡf9Aq7RsVE3
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But it's still hard, you know? Just because my dad's a psychotherapist and I understand what I am to do, it doesn't make it any easier. 349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡf0zykzp6Vz
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But I will try. Because, frankly, what else is there to do?349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHbjgi3k0Vo
Pause.349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡC4tBIdBLH1
I started watching porn videos when I was twelve years old. Was it then or when I don't know that I became an addict. When did it switch from a once to a constant. It was an echo-chamber of madness and dark intentions. 349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxP5M22lEQO
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Sometimes I wonder if my own mental state now is a result of that. I wonder if I'm all wrong. I wonder if this is normal, to be doubting your own existence. I wonder if this is all just an after effect of my own upbringing. I wonder a lot of things.
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Because, perhaps, yeah, perhaps I am real. And I am me. And perhaps I can trust my head and perhaps I can safely say, Yes. I am me. 349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKaJuGiUqe9
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But I can't just make all of those other thoughts go away at once. How could I? I'm not a superhero...349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUzFmuSUgYo
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Or would it be a super-heroine? 349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPiujqg6kfg
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I'm kind of comfortable with all the really awful feminine stereotypes. Dumb blondes, bimbos, damsels and dames. It doesn't really bother me. If anything, it makes me feel better that I might not over act. 349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRdE1CF7jAN
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"Act" It isn't acting as a woman. I am a woman and I am me and I know I must be. What I meant was when I am in public and trying to pass as cis. 349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡssPAntNqjl
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[During this pause, ROXIE turns away from the window and makes her way over to the fridge. It is dull and generic. She goes to open it, stops herself, and then opens it.]349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsQIuwEZtzP
ROXIE:
But the night will soon be over, thank God. And I will soon lose consciousness. I will soon lose all ability to think and overthink about all my shortcomings and long stretches alone. I look forward to sleep. I look forward to when everything is set in stone, when it's all black and white, when I'm no longer an addict, when I don't get hungover and have a license and can stay within my waist goals and everything is perfect. But until then. I must sleep.
Pause. 349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd0EuzehMHP
[During the pause, ROXIE gradually sinks down onto floor and curls into a ball.]349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeSp5xcApHZ
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[Darkness.]349Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfrVAvd6gVt
