8. "Backtracking and the Role of her Entire Life"
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All that follows is true 83Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtf4DsYdkk6
But even so, 83Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBqLjz2ozTZ
For every truth is a corresponding falsity 83Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIgvMf59m7x
And every image an equal mirror 83Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcPKl2o5CwH
So on further inspection, not equal in the slightest 83Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJLcVcaoEwr
You've moved up my doe dear, 83Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtLdSK0PC9e
From 8 to 80 scenes. 83Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHS1p37yc1J
All that follows is true.83Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqeVIRDkASh
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[missing]
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81. Found
Safe. 83Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3ghhBDScyt
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9. "Poem in the Loosest Sense of the World IV"
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a - Outside
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Unable to sleep unable to drink trying not to relapse again old tracts of life and tacts forgot new positive flow now all different now 5 weeks clean and still dirty sex eyes working late like it would help, but still haven’t lapsed back that’s something but anything is something old thinking old thoughts this is my poem I am in the loosest sense a human being being what? in the absolute loosest sense of the world word and world back round the globe again staying late at the job everyone else hates reminise of harder times, common lapses then wish to rekindle delusion rekindle the illusions the memories which have warped in on themselves truly the loosest sense of all things life is at its loosest the further back you go my birth has warped itself out of my memory all those months of substance abuse have rolled around to seem bright and sunny I associate Villainous Thing the smell of sunscreen walks at night leather clothing glamourous life on the road being truly against the grain worshipping self-destruction searching for a life beneath my own where in which in which things would mean and feel more akin to that warped sense of those things so many years ago my body hurts but I must keep moving the fisting of life to the music Outside, to the music Outside it’s happening83Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3iiXoB6T94
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Now83Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ31vHFGfFIQ
Not tomorrow83Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrKqGIv2El5
Yesterday83Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDIm2Bnkew5
It's happening now83Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCE4lFvB7sA
The damage today83Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOzbimdA6Dz
The crazed and the misloved83Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUU4uYMzOnF
It's happening now 83Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1oYbNTWL9Y
Not tomorrow.83Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡntlL65Wwq2
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b - Give me a Reason to Live this Life
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Give me a reason to live this life, the front doors open, the braying clothes line, the wind picks up and shatters to leaves 83Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXyfctBdVAq
All falling down around and the scepters are steep in the sky across the street and with frosty tops 83Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhUYcNKAWbC
They proclaim a love of height from chilly crosses and no birds try to mate them, leave well alone and the pigeons fly off 83Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡapa3ca9Bfz
To find a hooting home in the trees and the rooftops and the city fare, or any other possible place than here 83Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlvrT82POf7
You’ve never seen them go and never seen them live, only ever saw them as scavengers83Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOCBx8DqfJF
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Scavengers in the street, they’re 83Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBur9T1ihtK
Picking at feet with 83Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWrjZPNYsQV
Bloody combs looking for bread, I’m 83Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwrjdYjMSjX
Crazy. See them come out now83Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9X6PWGtIXA
Treading around town, 83Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9sw96q4E9n
Don't try to stop them, they’re 83Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdET3ENdmeB
Starving, crazy. 83Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyDnyhze2Vg
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Split up into cities devoid of community 83Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3HFXvPwqEr
Left all dry and lost and the hunger so gnawing 83Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7SPYMhhZLp
Before you step and hide your spare breadcrumbs 83Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6Qzba8Zqbp
I know 83Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡakc0SmUXUP
I know 83Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNqtLidZqXt
I know that you hate them. 83Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡA1hBHdYNj1
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And the universe warps 83Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVWICZQi01s
And my blood flow slows 83Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmB3HYkv5yV
And the loosest sense of the world just gets looser 83Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAUJrlKUyHN
As we move further flow.83Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡj9w4Bl9CO8
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c - All is declining immediately
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Vampire bite. We are all declining most quickly locked away underneath the bed I am decaying very quickly now and no new ideas form, but the old just warp and shrink until I’m left without anything growing more distant seperation from the waves and rhythms of the past desperate to be optimistic 83Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPJc7Agyb2O
I hear static when I cum83Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOtuPynbCOh
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10. "Poem in the Loosest Sense of the World V: Found"
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a - What could have been the end...
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Mountains of leverage. Windows of sin. Life’s broken ruble on a bird’s shattered wing.83Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVySXMd7Okp
Pieced put with paper. Held on by string. Left not to die so not just anything. 83Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXJ73BX6cZM
Holder of night. Bringer of day. Hold on to the flow or we all pass away. Curse now the dusk. 83Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuF5h5vkZia
Curse the ending. Forsake the glass away from its bending.83Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2jHKJbEdSd
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I long to end my endless night. Long to find an answer to thus. Longing to reach now a message or reason, a reason why83Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhMCzLycwJJ
I’ve made such a fuss. 83Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4CesHGQ3lJ
This page has gone long and winged by some wisdom. And I have grown older, abandoned the dead. But now I do 83Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡP3gbx5NfgT
wonder if even in this asylum, am I truly free from the horrors I’ve bled? 83Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnDioZ300ds
There is not a soul who is totally guiltless. There are no such souls who don’t live pure for life. And now as I sit here, in 83Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUxtb6WA58V
my endless habit, I long to be then, an impossible life.83Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdafPXvXZPP
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This song it has reason. This song it has death. 83Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7cTCXZQlEB
The singing voices, they all have unrest. 83Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡck71VzRFII
The singing continues. The prayer left unsaid. And no meaning is very found in the head. 83Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmAVkobvLaI
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End. Safe. Found.83Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5q9X23xUU5
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b - The Poem Revealed in the Inmost Light
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You awaken to find yourself in a dark voided space. There are no doors here and no means with which to escape, all is just an eternity window reflecting back yourself. And you walk inside, bound by red string and witness a tiny window of light which does not reflect your life or its trappings. This is the poem, revealed in your inmost night, a tiny nightlight which is only seen for faint glimpses at a time. You begin to backtrack and you can repeat this new process all that you like but eventually you will find once again yourself back in this wretched place, which all in all is just your head.83Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq6LmWlIYdd
The poem is not nearly full enough. It is scraps unhealed by time and each scrap ends with tiredness and fades into dark ashes. Words become disjointed and are only scraps in the wind. The endless wind in this endless night. 83Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgPg9mFGqdx
We have backtracked back to the front of my finest self. I sat there on the bed, somewhat disappointed that I would stay another day in a voided space without an evil. But I came to decide that an Evil should be introduced to give me a purpose again, some new form of Horror to kick off from. I went 8 weeks clean and now I am dirty once more. I am filthy once again. Filthy and free and my endless song can now be read by me. You are in a voided black space where there is no grass and there are no trees with which to take the breeze and thus, all that weight is pressed upon you. But now see a brilliant bright array of colour fill the whole everything, all emanating from that tiny screen before you, one which just before had only faint glimpses into a grander picture: of something, (for instance). Now all is clear and open, and though thought when I return to that nightmare space of void static night, guided only by some faint symbol titled ‘time’, and may well not see how this way is true, I will now tell the truth and the total meaning of this winding page of fragmented words. The meaning is thus. All meanings are true. Contradictions can exist in perfect equilibrium. I live in decline, but this is also an incline. The world is in its loosest sense when you see it the clearest. This is a nightmare mind, trapped in itself, in a nightmare space and all inside it must be brought to see. All is true. It does not matter how you live once you exist. And once you exist, then you very much are real. My feelings and loves are controversial to many but I do not fight back them now and am in love with the ways which they glide and their sweet violent cadences, like a butterfly jammed inside a car exhaust, a women barely hanging on to life through the strength of a zip-tie or the hulking body of a man in freefall. 83Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4laPct4vhy
I am inside this World. And this World is inside me. I am the most alive and living of all. I am OnlyLife. This is my meaning. This is the message revealed of the Poem in the Loosest Sense of the World.83Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIi7KKliZPj
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c - The Poem Revealed in the Inmost Night
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Houses align on this new dawn 83Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡASqeW1HTYs
Once death lurked away, hidded beneath curtains of shame 83Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSiX3n5YcUa
When I was once to be awful ashamed of the life I had left to rubble 83Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡImNzHrjz0P
But now picking up the pieces of rubble I notice it is stained glass. 83Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxQAHREsV4N
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How ignorant to these houses aligned on this hill 83Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwiaKRiJjq9
Which are in fact not at all houses but great cathedrals which have fallen with time into lonely pillars 83Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAJwTSmBI8C
Without arches, their groin vaults having only lived for so long 83Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQQD4TBAaUP
No mason to uphold their fragility any longer 83Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTjitQtBSTo
This world is huge and carnivorous. 83Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxrwDqbnaSm
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You see now that this new light illuminates the ghosts of these buildings. And 83Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSPcacMroW2
The ghosts are not figures, in the classic sense, but projections 83Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡM1dsv257nA
Of the buildings which once were was.83Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjNPj7axSpG
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And ingravings are seen on walls: 83Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYHAIGaQRES
Part one: I am dead and wake 83Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS5O6fVLrEy
Part two: I feel a new awakening 83Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0IYJICYEGA
Part three: which is long old by now and comes out shorter83Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvrfmv7UR5s
Part four: I return to say my speech by train 83Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡu8KAQw4I04
Part V: this was meant to become the end 83Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡL0Wfjgw6p2
Part 6: But then this 83Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ08b2QYtdoW
Part 7: the beginning then, now, of the fina; end 83Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQ2Sqo1umRf
Part eight: Backtracking begins 83Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZGqumDUoum
Part 9: I begin what will become the end while still in rejecting sober 83Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPmiYvi3QTF
10: drunk now, I become the ending.83Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYoYFipEpAu
And that was Begbie’s story... 83Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyv5MECw7a8
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They’re putting me away but I’ll be back someday... 83Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6oB238l93U
Coming home, back to families, my mind is on edge due to an end in sight. 83Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡL9yRUKUra6
And I do not want this. 83Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZSZOxN2rps
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Always take in more, for security, 83Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2ztITMDS9t
Now I fly. (…)83Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0XUZBvDe1E
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d - Sadness Song
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[Enter the mind, stage right, weary] 83Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhY4RiIP71f
The mind: 83Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6KSmcmDjVS
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We touch the world 83Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMY5K11V5hu
And it all falls away 83Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡA0KZVZ4SMA
We hear the word 83Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoT0E3DEeHV
But it all burns with the day 83Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRUZzymLmPQ
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Now our mother lies in blood 83Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3YGepbbvlQ
Father swims away 83Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSG0zNtU7aK
And we find us all alone 83Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwrQAu0ngtw
Sadness song plays. 83Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzcyz4oBisS
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Was it found? 83Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq1mHArUHsD
What was spent? 83Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3QpdnHR3N4
Now that everything is lost83Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwdPivcwHwq
What was found? What was spent? 83Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZqNBJrhmS6
But a sadness song. 83Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpfqYA718zr
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Drink another drink self-reflect some more everything disintegrating guidless nihilism this is me. Safe.83Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5vdFaaVc22
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