（原作：美宅男夢工廠 by 歐巴龍）
我是鬼，五十年前因一時輕敵被該死的神父封印，今天終於有個智障把我放出來了。849Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGDkjVCaj7j
849Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIwjsCZGvSm
「啊，我不小心撞到了。」849Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0XjvBWZWlr
849Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJFSAFz4is0
戴著眼鏡的矮個子從地上撿起斷成兩截的十字架，那十字架做工精細，將耶穌受難的神情刻得栩栩如生，偏偏斷截處又恰好在耶穌的頸子，這彷彿是褻瀆聖子的舉動，嚇得他面色一陣發白。849Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKvWGmHu5FN
849Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVSMTiPAlVd
我滿意點頭。849Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0ExBxpzswT
849Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHx9gbiMc0J
很好，這就是我要的效果，愧疚吧！顫抖吧！你們內心的恐懼都將成為我的食糧！849Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE3dx2zby7v
849Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡs1W8y60zlz
一旁的高個青年放下行李，接過十字架研究了會，搖頭說：「沒辦法，賠錢吧。」849Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqkrveZJWyl
849Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmooKVaRQ5n
「不知貴不貴？」849Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAAughmKwQU
849Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdw4QygfNHn
「應該還好。」849Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4MJIhk0LuK
849Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLEYBROZGv2
「不過我第一次看到飯店會在房裡放十字架耶。」849Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡI85Hb6CSl4
849Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaOAXghCB3U
「我也是，也有可能是上一個房客落下的。」849Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ15KVIJVuMx
849Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡw8n2DrcLg5
兩人說著，就扔下十字架，各自從包裡掏出一個15吋的加蓋四方形儀器，分別坐在桌邊和床上看了起來。849Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡthWbBS0bWL
849Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5uS2QYTK3d
我震驚了。849Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQ9T0piLYq4
849Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSGWFxz6TAa
不對啊，你們不是該為冒犯神明一事瑟瑟發抖或心生不祥嗎？怎麼可以這麼鎮定？849Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSJETP8xgY2
849Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡllCgeeIu2Q
話說回來，剛這兩個人類說的是哪國語言？849Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡr19D0o0wsp
849Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1b54JrXRCl
「小語。」高個子捧著四方形儀器坐到矮個子身邊，「我這邊有個Design problem能幫我看一下嗎？」849Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaK86Zo1XGr
849Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5DCCbGGkYq
喔，總算聽到熟悉的語言，我立刻湊過去，邊在心裡計畫各種嚇人詭計，誰知我一靠近，就被那四方形儀器映射出來的畫面嚇得倒退三舍。849Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfSYYLxwd48
849Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjgv8wHUXaS
What the hell?849Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ25jMvBzrOh
849Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6i6KDwiJrg
那些密密麻麻的數字符號和文字是什麼東西？為何每一個拆開我都懂，合起來我就看不懂？難道又是教會新研發的鎮鬼經文？849Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuwing5BdeM
849Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡidDv8acWnt
幸好我躲了半天，都沒感覺到不適，才又慢慢飄過去，聽他們嘰哩呱啦摻雜一些英文詞彙的對話，什麼Project，什麼Function，If不If，還有……Parent & child？849Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIMdrlmv7qx
849Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3iDzmG4mSq
嘶——849Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡU0CbQRjbrD
849Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5ErBT0UT78
我驚疑打量他們只要是黃種人就分不出差別和年紀的臉，開始對他們的關係感到疑惑。但不管怎麼樣，管他們是日本人還是越南人，就算是印度來的，只要是活人，這口糧我都吃定了！849Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLhItvvoqgx
849Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7IDUWB4Glq
陰風輕輕地吹，一隻冰涼的鬼爪胡亂往矮個子的腰窩戳。849Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1GfClUW7Uk
849Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmpQzklHYG8
「夏熠輝你幹嘛啦？很癢耶。」矮個子咯咯亂笑，捶了高個子一記。849Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvdgtAbhCrX
849Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ247nYtFmvG
正注視「鎮鬼經文」的高個子回過頭，投以茫然目光，「哈啊？什麼？我聽不懂。」849Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKL8Xp1g5SW
849Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjwkqL75Fif
矮個子撇了撇嘴，咕噥一句「又來！」就看回「鎮鬼經文」，「沒什麼，你看這裡……」849Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVpcLdwDfsO
849Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFgND0MFr4p
「 嗯。」高個子應完，就順手攬住矮個子的腰，看起來像將對方抱在懷裡。849Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrG0iXlTKcA
849Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXzxHqi0wcc
我也投以茫然目光，感覺哪裡怪怪的。849Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPeqqNCCbtY
849Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnpBGmWlXfP
但身為一個高端的鬼，必須不能使用重複伎倆，於是我飄到高個子身邊，俯身在他耳邊輕笑低語，「嘻嘻嘻，要不要陪我玩？」849Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpmai2QHjft
849Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeW2J8DD6bC
然而高個子不為所動！849Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmcUNCnhEbx
849Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1XqIMsyVQ7
我不死心，再說：「我的腳……你把我的腳藏到哪了？」849Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzmhgF92VdF
849Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOQC4hFqjt8
高個子依然面不改色！849Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBIWT3TOCnB
849Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmw5Wsib4Ab
我大怒，直接用吼的，「你死定了！我要殺了你！殺殺殺！」849Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIReQ3mXTpe
849Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOG9JMgODfr
這次高個子終於有動作了。他皺眉掏了掏耳朵，取出一個小巧的儀器擦一擦再戴回去。849Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡY3sMGXgmE4
849Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsACp0xU0BM
這一刻，我吐血，如果鬼還有血的話。849Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡy5lLYOiAJg
849Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPDrWj7xaOq
矮個子比手畫腳地問：「怎麼了？」849Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4NvvdwFZoV
849Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHu6iin8ZMY
高個子搖搖頭，「助聽器有點雜音，大概之前下雨淋到了。」849Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3hbfzrBks1
849Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ614LKnj3K7
馬的！原來這傢伙是個聾子！849Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiK2IKWQ42h
849Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwIcZOthbNn
受到打擊的我窩回角落自閉，直到那兩人蓋上四方形儀器，起身從行李掏出衣物，一前一後地進了浴室，我才精神一振。849Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡH8W1MrYx09
849Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡX9sQZC8DJS
方才一定是因為「鎮鬼經文」的關係，才讓我出師不利，現在就應該趁他們不在，先把那可疑的四方形儀器毀掉。於是我磨拳擦掌地飄到桌前，準備用最狠厲殘暴的手段摧毀敵人時，就赫然驚見四方形儀器上頭壓著一袋綠色包裝物，那包裝物上頭還印著一個露出兩顆門牙的小傢伙笑容燦爛，這殺傷力不大，但污辱性極強！849Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjtMRsENUH0
849Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvkvgds7jVk
這時，浴室傳來我聽不懂的對話。849Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8ARGSLzw24
849Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡO7zBjUOOFx
「為什麼要擺那包零食？」849Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjhdXW9QwWZ
849Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDmEntwQWKf
「那是我們台灣的電腦保護神，只要有綠乖乖，所有電子設備都一定會乖乖運作。」849Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCIfqYtYvce
849Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxH9VhxKZVr
「所以不能吃嗎？」849Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7hSkR95Gnt
849Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXXI8Ez52Rj
「不能，吃了就沒用了。」849Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLtGUBqsFdA
849Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfL9yPrRITX
「但我餓了。」849Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsIqOa8YdzP
849Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMP1mQftreH
「……」849Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡM2nxW76Am4
849Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡG9y50o0yDh
此時此刻的我已被怒火佔據理智，絲毫沒意識到哪裡不對勁，只一心想給這兩個該死的人類好看，便動用所有力量顯現身影，以最猙獰駭人的面貌衝進浴室，並開始期待人類被嚇得屁滾尿流的畫面。849Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaPUNR2nofZ
849Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJu70ks2r1Z
哇哈哈哈，驚嚇吧！恐懼吧！人……849Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡy7r6h9Epi9
849Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCSHLKPyWBd
「啊……夏熠輝……那裡不、不行……」849Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡn0UqIrSvEe
849Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYFA6c6KPOQ
「小語……小語……」849Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnCnNvAPJFF
849Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHCWlbQtdKM
Gya——849Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ71OMlGgNyG
849Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzbuOhltIHU
我發出了比曾被我嚇暈的人類還要驚恐的慘叫。849Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7g8dlSXwIh
849Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡv68hppQh0G
They are fucking gay!849Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEYCPQlBxw4
849Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfoMbepvOkW
這如同撒旦一般邪惡的存在，徹底嚇破我的小心靈，讓我一秒縮回十字架，還很自覺地將耶穌的頸子接回來。849Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcsdIE0Btx5
849Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡh91C5vziBE
Oh no！No！No！No！No！Hell no！849Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡw9pzQTtcIh
849Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOe0aGT0lBA
五十年過去，沒想到人間已經變成撒旦的天下，上帝你這不爭氣的傢伙啊！我看我還是繼續沉眠吧。849Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgHul8KSp57
849Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyhKU7bOHJq
浴室裡，秋推了下將自己壓在牆邊的人，沒戴眼鏡的雙眼一片朦朧，「等、等一下，你剛有沒有聽見什麼？」849Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡehMQTkw4NA
849Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPrRZLoUe9T
「嗯？什麼？」夏抱緊懷裡的腰持續衝刺，臉上的神情既迷離又色情，顯然是又聽不見。849Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGlW1nN8w1p
849Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡY5SUauodg1
秋瞇了瞇眼，心想算了，就夾緊雙腿，繼續在夏的律動下扯著喉嚨嗯嗯啊啊。849Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfeD2omtymm
849Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡl8cpnZT40i
Treat or trick，不給糖，就「搗」蛋！849Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsunA4rK4Ih
849Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhbTJSxgBl5
（P.S. 被關五十年的美國鬼，觀念保守，用詞不政確，請見諒（艸）849Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpudOEgsczN
後記：
此為噗浪幾位文友自辦的【原創文手交換寫同人】活動，這次我抽到的交換對象是歐巴龍，恰逢萬聖節，就來應個景啦XD
難得參加活動，真的是非常有趣的體驗，為此我還重看了一遍《美宅男夢工場》又作了很多筆記，結果最後都沒用上🤣
本來也想隱藏風格，來寫個憂鬱正經風，讓文友猜不到我是誰，但我想來想去，實在想不到切入點，就索性放飛啦XDDD
另外，抽到我的文友是君羊，寫的是《因罪溫存》的顧懷唷，喜歡顧醫師的歡迎點以下網址來看！
#猜猜我是誰 #原創文手交換寫同人 #喵芭閉關坑司機中: #因罪溫存 #賭博
849Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiTJWv7RSQw
