（原作：美宅男夢工廠 by 歐巴龍）
我是鬼，五十年前因一時輕敵被該死的神父封印，今天終於有個智障把我放出來了。795Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOG2EGEvK6G
795Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPskljzCBNd
「啊，我不小心撞到了。」795Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrBh2EAIXPz
795Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuZKTx8oW2w
戴著眼鏡的矮個子從地上撿起斷成兩截的十字架，那十字架做工精細，將耶穌受難的神情刻得栩栩如生，偏偏斷截處又恰好在耶穌的頸子，這彷彿是褻瀆聖子的舉動，嚇得他面色一陣發白。795Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHy0kPkxalw
795Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9kCeYhM5bN
我滿意點頭。795Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpnbDRbfb9H
795Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZ3x48ZTXJE
很好，這就是我要的效果，愧疚吧！顫抖吧！你們內心的恐懼都將成為我的食糧！795Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLPDkuXggFI
795Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLQKSbj7CNx
一旁的高個青年放下行李，接過十字架研究了會，搖頭說：「沒辦法，賠錢吧。」795Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9CVzhn0lcE
795Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg7TEGlD1A4
「不知貴不貴？」795Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGsNU2noyUe
795Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxrl6sQIcLp
「應該還好。」795Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrfSPsqRvLW
795Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKITO1QMUgt
「不過我第一次看到飯店會在房裡放十字架耶。」795Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoRkM0ycYaG
795Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2Jq3APlTKS
「我也是，也有可能是上一個房客落下的。」795Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOTwR4D7xEM
795Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡErhn8IPTUQ
兩人說著，就扔下十字架，各自從包裡掏出一個15吋的加蓋四方形儀器，分別坐在桌邊和床上看了起來。795Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvDcmT7Wzr2
795Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3JD01D80nm
我震驚了。795Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1zjQxbiOFF
795Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmcD3CWg2MV
不對啊，你們不是該為冒犯神明一事瑟瑟發抖或心生不祥嗎？怎麼可以這麼鎮定？795Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDRUGnLAYe2
795Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbk8oStparp
話說回來，剛這兩個人類說的是哪國語言？795Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxOC7YZt3rU
795Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMvCGVn0jTG
「小語。」高個子捧著四方形儀器坐到矮個子身邊，「我這邊有個Design problem能幫我看一下嗎？」795Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjRkbdSWI0g
795Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDJq3d5Wbl4
喔，總算聽到熟悉的語言，我立刻湊過去，邊在心裡計畫各種嚇人詭計，誰知我一靠近，就被那四方形儀器映射出來的畫面嚇得倒退三舍。795Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRDQAGBeIfH
795Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOyjJwpFRb7
What the hell?795Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡR6D2hahujD
795Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbTP99bCx5h
那些密密麻麻的數字符號和文字是什麼東西？為何每一個拆開我都懂，合起來我就看不懂？難道又是教會新研發的鎮鬼經文？795Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlLhMrr5bx6
795Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0xiZywH24T
幸好我躲了半天，都沒感覺到不適，才又慢慢飄過去，聽他們嘰哩呱啦摻雜一些英文詞彙的對話，什麼Project，什麼Function，If不If，還有……Parent & child？795Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡf6bJkGEbNe
795Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmdXNN8xgiu
嘶——795Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVy98lq7LJj
795Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVEM6VqXLJL
我驚疑打量他們只要是黃種人就分不出差別和年紀的臉，開始對他們的關係感到疑惑。但不管怎麼樣，管他們是日本人還是越南人，就算是印度來的，只要是活人，這口糧我都吃定了！795Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNr0atgrh04
795Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRrfkopKwby
陰風輕輕地吹，一隻冰涼的鬼爪胡亂往矮個子的腰窩戳。795Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiffPRw8Q1H
795Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzrW9ksCbh6
「夏熠輝你幹嘛啦？很癢耶。」矮個子咯咯亂笑，捶了高個子一記。795Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhqbMzXV0iW
795Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEYDTepG1s2
正注視「鎮鬼經文」的高個子回過頭，投以茫然目光，「哈啊？什麼？我聽不懂。」795Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQPG9zoFycw
795Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTrLzVsinqJ
矮個子撇了撇嘴，咕噥一句「又來！」就看回「鎮鬼經文」，「沒什麼，你看這裡……」795Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvdhANLVgm0
795Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ731whVHzn6
「 嗯。」高個子應完，就順手攬住矮個子的腰，看起來像將對方抱在懷裡。795Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEVdgRg1Peu
795Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBq7vYrKTDH
我也投以茫然目光，感覺哪裡怪怪的。795Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPqVmJ8bb1w
795Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxTkQZcvu4z
但身為一個高端的鬼，必須不能使用重複伎倆，於是我飄到高個子身邊，俯身在他耳邊輕笑低語，「嘻嘻嘻，要不要陪我玩？」795Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoQpbRzWtFa
795Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5tPjnYyGrJ
然而高個子不為所動！795Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNr9qb4AVK9
795Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0c27tplyK3
我不死心，再說：「我的腳……你把我的腳藏到哪了？」795Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeKspKkV7e4
795Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9g34nipQF5
高個子依然面不改色！795Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUSTutITnZb
795Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgJs0JpSruq
我大怒，直接用吼的，「你死定了！我要殺了你！殺殺殺！」795Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvvBxA3OGyN
795Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzo17AP4wXV
這次高個子終於有動作了。他皺眉掏了掏耳朵，取出一個小巧的儀器擦一擦再戴回去。795Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6vcc9UmKnk
795Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXkU53AMTjC
這一刻，我吐血，如果鬼還有血的話。795Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdtAFhSGTHt
795Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡksZ7vB3TMe
矮個子比手畫腳地問：「怎麼了？」795Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE1Lf6YP5wd
795Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJb0EcNFZdd
高個子搖搖頭，「助聽器有點雜音，大概之前下雨淋到了。」795Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbKELQMMqWO
795Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgnZeLNySYD
馬的！原來這傢伙是個聾子！795Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJzqodTRsPm
795Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhOwex9RFRU
受到打擊的我窩回角落自閉，直到那兩人蓋上四方形儀器，起身從行李掏出衣物，一前一後地進了浴室，我才精神一振。795Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjeouak8HIB
795Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡT8KAEy7tiK
方才一定是因為「鎮鬼經文」的關係，才讓我出師不利，現在就應該趁他們不在，先把那可疑的四方形儀器毀掉。於是我磨拳擦掌地飄到桌前，準備用最狠厲殘暴的手段摧毀敵人時，就赫然驚見四方形儀器上頭壓著一袋綠色包裝物，那包裝物上頭還印著一個露出兩顆門牙的小傢伙笑容燦爛，這殺傷力不大，但污辱性極強！795Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUwcrhahRGp
795Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpW5WILSkmx
這時，浴室傳來我聽不懂的對話。795Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡA1G5cnl3j6
795Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2jR31AFJwa
「為什麼要擺那包零食？」795Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRi3wWJHYWK
795Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYJ1dbuEJJi
「那是我們台灣的電腦保護神，只要有綠乖乖，所有電子設備都一定會乖乖運作。」795Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡH7ie1oOPLI
795Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQn0vY2wHAu
「所以不能吃嗎？」795Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUeYh9T095Z
795Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3csXrQ0fpH
「不能，吃了就沒用了。」795Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgkNMryrzni
795Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡB4GEBkkwFf
「但我餓了。」795Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgYrXiepFvE
795Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVO3TSWSuRe
「……」795Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgeE89AXVCM
795Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡySX6A3wo6P
此時此刻的我已被怒火佔據理智，絲毫沒意識到哪裡不對勁，只一心想給這兩個該死的人類好看，便動用所有力量顯現身影，以最猙獰駭人的面貌衝進浴室，並開始期待人類被嚇得屁滾尿流的畫面。795Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTf0KUf6e8C
795Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpQfhVsIJWm
哇哈哈哈，驚嚇吧！恐懼吧！人……795Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡA8mfoS1hyA
795Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzpqlV0kkNx
「啊……夏熠輝……那裡不、不行……」795Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJJJqbxaVle
795Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZJvUKJ5WGW
「小語……小語……」795Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8hwYgr9mEK
795Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9aLu3F1V5a
Gya——795Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDDVmyLrjz0
795Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEujjazGPM5
我發出了比曾被我嚇暈的人類還要驚恐的慘叫。795Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuGAKzE0CRQ
795Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlIJQEEhlsA
They are fucking gay!795Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJkxunh5TGc
795Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡO8pegGiB6o
這如同撒旦一般邪惡的存在，徹底嚇破我的小心靈，讓我一秒縮回十字架，還很自覺地將耶穌的頸子接回來。795Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡk9ZAhBKhzq
795Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEQMJ2ipf5p
Oh no！No！No！No！No！Hell no！795Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeaZ2OdHdhs
795Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLpGNcJ3AC3
五十年過去，沒想到人間已經變成撒旦的天下，上帝你這不爭氣的傢伙啊！我看我還是繼續沉眠吧。795Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgTb7Ecswpx
795Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPeiSs3wd1c
浴室裡，秋推了下將自己壓在牆邊的人，沒戴眼鏡的雙眼一片朦朧，「等、等一下，你剛有沒有聽見什麼？」795Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuy9iZRaGrA
795Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYfixNEuCFd
「嗯？什麼？」夏抱緊懷裡的腰持續衝刺，臉上的神情既迷離又色情，顯然是又聽不見。795Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWoKAcNUPLM
795Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRHrwtYDOY0
秋瞇了瞇眼，心想算了，就夾緊雙腿，繼續在夏的律動下扯著喉嚨嗯嗯啊啊。795Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPBKKUWYQET
795Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5J7HtS3dWL
Treat or trick，不給糖，就「搗」蛋！795Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3SKUYKRJv3
795Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOFCVKe3ZlL
（P.S. 被關五十年的美國鬼，觀念保守，用詞不政確，請見諒（艸）795Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvExTSMxUc3
後記：
此為噗浪幾位文友自辦的【原創文手交換寫同人】活動，這次我抽到的交換對象是歐巴龍，恰逢萬聖節，就來應個景啦XD
難得參加活動，真的是非常有趣的體驗，為此我還重看了一遍《美宅男夢工場》又作了很多筆記，結果最後都沒用上🤣
本來也想隱藏風格，來寫個憂鬱正經風，讓文友猜不到我是誰，但我想來想去，實在想不到切入點，就索性放飛啦XDDD
另外，抽到我的文友是君羊，寫的是《因罪溫存》的顧懷唷，喜歡顧醫師的歡迎點以下網址來看！
#猜猜我是誰 #原創文手交換寫同人 #喵芭閉關坑司機中: #因罪溫存 #賭博
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