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Die-hard fan
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🔸Yes I am extremely tired and sore from working all day but I feel at ease the moment I see your smile🔸
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Crystal Valerie Beck
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I sighed loudly as my account balance appeared on my phone screen. Why is it always crying? Well, at least it's not negative. My financial situation is a perpetual rollercoaster. I scrape by until the end of the month when I get paid for tutoring some overly spoiled kids. But by the seventh day of the month, it all vanishes into thin air.
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As much as I'd love to ask my mom for money, it's not one of those 'extremely important' things she'd willingly part with her cash for. Besides, she's an overly brainy woman who can't be easily fooled.
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The money from the cafe? That's strictly for my school funds. No touching.
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I pressed the home button, launching Candy Crush. Why is this bus taking forever?
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"Everything is going to be alright," the frail-looking woman beside me said, her eyes filled with reassurance. Why did she say that? I never mentioned any problems.
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Sure, I have problems, but I didn't spill my life story to her.
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I was confused but managed a smile. "Do you need money?" she asked, her kind eyes searching mine.495Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKNQUMOe2KV
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Will she give me money if I said I needed it? Maybe she is my rich Samaritan. Delusions of grandeur, I know.
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Is this how my prayers will be answered? God, finally!
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I nodded at her, still smiling. "One would have known with the way you sighed," she said, and I realized I'd sighed loudly. Oops.
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"It was for another..." I began, but the bus arrived, cutting me off. "The bus is here," she said, rushing toward it. Great timing, bus. You could've been two minutes earlier and spared me the awkwardness of admitting I needed money to a complete stranger, with a freak smile plastered on my face.
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Should I take this bus or wait for the next one? Waiting will take forever.
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Even if this encounter meant nothing, it was utterly embarrassing. I'm the kind of person who overthinks and misjudges practically every situation. Facing her again? Not on my wish list-even if she turned out to be my rich Samaritan.
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Do I imagine my rich Samaritan taking the same bus as me? Yes.
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Am I dumb?
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Also yes.
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But let's keep that between us, shall we?
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Truth is, I needed money. But what for? It's not something I'd proudly announce to the world. There are certain group of people-kindred spirits-who'd get it. People who thinks like me.
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Nevertheless, I boarded the bus. The woman waved at me, making hand gestures for me to come to her
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She must think I'm her long-lost friend. I smiled and took the seat beside her. Sure, there were plenty of empty spots by the window, but she was too nice to ignore. Plus, I've got this weird inability to ignore people. It's like my social filter is constantly malfunctioning.
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Now, here's the thing: I hope she doesn't pull a classic mom move. You know the drill-ask a stranger if they needed money, pray, look pitiful, and maybe even invite them over for a home-cooked meal.
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Been there, done that.
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But this lady? She's an enigma. No probing questions, no judgment. Just a serene expression and a nap.
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Maybe she's different. Maybe she isn't my mum's long lost twin
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I just hope my mum won't bring home a weirdo or a serial killer some day
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I think this nice woman here is just a kind soul who believes in silent acts of kindness. Or maybe I'm reading too much into this. Either way, I decided not to bid her farewell when my stop arrived.
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Finally away from people
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My house is a bit of a trek from here
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🔸🔸🔸🔸
My breathing is labored, as if I've just sprinted a marathon. And in a way, I have - I made it home in record time, arriving at my doorstep a mere fifteen minutes later.
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I knocked repeatedly, but there was no answer. Unusual, yet somehow expected. I tend to worry about everything, it's just my nature.
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Sighing, I retrieved the spare key from under the flower pot, half-expecting to catch someone lurking with a camera behind the blooms.
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Of course that is very much possible, I am a star you see or It's probably just my overactive imagination - I'm a bit of a daydreamer, always striving for that confident, main character energy.
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A delulu in simple English
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"Why are you home so early?" I questioned my brother, annoyed that I had to let myself in.
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"You don't like when I'm here," he retorted. I decided to ignore him, saving my energy for more important matters.
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Bounding upstairs, I made sure to lock my door, determined not to be disturbed during this critical moment. I set up my laptop and snacks, ready to fully immerse myself in Alex's live stream. If he finishes up quickly, I might even catch Tae Mu's broadcast too - though they really should coordinate their schedules, there are so many of us who follow them both.
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"Oh, babe!" I squealed as Alex appears on screen. That man is just impossibly attractive, it hardly seemed fair.
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Lying on my bed, I fixed my eyes on the laptop, ready to soak up every second of Alex's live session. This is my little oasis, my slice of happiness in the chaos.
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"안녕하세요 여러분, 잘 지내세요? {hi everyone, how are you}" my heart melted immediately I heard Alex's voice, I mean literally melted
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There is this satisfaction that comes with listening to him talk or sing
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I watched comments float on the screen, I was glad people appreciated him as much as I did, but no matter how many people like you there are some mother fuckers who just hate you for no reason
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You should die
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The comment said and I immediately replied
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You can take his place
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I sent the comment with so much enthusiasm
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Truth be told, I wasn't always so invested in watching Alex's live streams. It started one day when I tuned in and saw a flood of comments that were just plain stupid and inhumane. It was as if they were all directed at me, and it pissed me off and really hurt. Imagine how the person it was aimed at must have felt.
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Since then, I've made it my mission to reply to anyone making insensitive comments about Alex or the other Idols I follow. There's just no point in needlessly hurting others' feelings. If you don't find comfort or pleasure in what someone is doing, the kind thing is to simply not pay attention, not lash out.
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You sing trash
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I may be a bit of a daydreamer, but I've learned that real confidence comes from treating people with empathy and respect - something I wished more of Alex's viewers would learn. Now, when I tune in, I'm not just there to soak up every second. I'm also on the lookout, ready to defend my idols from cruel, thoughtless remarks. Everyone deserves to feel safe and supported in their creative pursuits.
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Your life is trash
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I commented immediately making sure to @ the commenter
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The routine continues, a mix of supportive and cruel comments
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I was getting a little thirsty, so I reached for one of the many water bottles I keep by my bedside. But they're all empty, clinking together as I move them. I groan in annoyance at myself for not refilling them earlier. I always made sure to have two or three bottles within reach since I drink so much water.
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Of course, I don't just stick to water, don't think I'm some health freak or something
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I balance it out with some Pepsi too. It's my secret formula for staying hydrated and caffeinated at the same time. A delicate dance, really.
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Quickly, I rushed downstairs, trying not to trip in the dark. Our house had this unspoken rule that everyone follows - whenever you leave a room, you leave the lights off. It was kind of scary at first, but now I do it without even thinking. The living room is always pitch black unless someone's in there.
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I grabbed three fresh water bottles and hurried back to my room. I'm already a few minutes late getting back. Eagerly, I jumped back onto my bed, ready to immerse myself in Alex's live stream once more.
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"So you guys should just write your name and your age on the coupon and try your luck out to win." Wait, what? I furrowed my brow, frustrated that I missed the important part while I was downstairs. Why did he have to get to the good stuff only after I stepped away?
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Settling in, I refocus my attention on the screen, determined not to miss anything else.
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I went to get water for like what? Five minutes and you already got to the good part, come on....
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I typed frantically, hoping he'll see it or something. He has never replied to my comments before, no matter how much I type or how fast I am. I was the first person to be on his live one time, and he didn't even notice me.
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If I didn't know Alex was generally a sweet and kind person, I'd be tempted to think he ignored me on purpose. But the truth is, I'm sure he doesn't even know I exist. I just haven't gotten lucky enough to be replied to by any of the idols I follow.
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Still, I continued listening intently to Alex's live stream, even though I didn't fully understand what he was talking about anymore. The chat scrolled by rapidly, and I felt lost in the sea of usernames.
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"I am just discussing a coupon that could lead to a lucky winner receiving a surprise gift. We're all eagerly waiting to see what it might be, I have no idea what it would be, or do I?" Alex says, raising his eyebrow mischievously. "So, you simply need to write your name, username, and age, and then wait for the announcement on Wednesday." Do he actually reply to me or was it just one of my imaginations again
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I quickly typed out a thank you for his response, to which he replies, "천만에요 {you're welcome}," with a kind smile. I can't believe he actually acknowledged me!
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Not once but twice in one day?
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I'm still a bit in awe, but I continue listening intently, no longer feeling lost.
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Although he was smiling at the screen, it felt like his gaze was directed at me. I can't believe it; he has responded to me twice in one day. Maybe things are finally looking up for me.
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"Would you guys like me to do a mukbang video?" Alex asked after scanning through the comments. 'OMG yes,' I typed eagerly, thrilled at the possibility. "I'm going to ask Min ho hyung about it, 우리는 함께 할 수 있었다 {we could do it together}," he replies, giving a thumbs up.
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He is so incredibly charming; it is enough to make my heart flutter. I can't help but feel like his words and gestures are meant just for me, even though I know logically that he's addressing his entire audience.
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"Thanks for all your support, guys. I love you all so much. Until next time, 안녕 얘들아 {bye, guys}," he waves at the screen, and I instinctively wave back, as if he could see me.
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I tried to catch Tae Mu's live streams too, but I only caught the tail end. He also mentioned the coupon. My routine was always the same with every idol I follow; I respond to the haters, defending my beloved creators.
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I only follow two groups with this much enthusiasm, but it is enough to make it all worthwhile. The joy I feel when they are happy, even in the smallest way, is indescribable. It's like they've reached through the screen and touched my heart directly.
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I know I'm just one fan among millions, but in those fleeting moments, it feels like they see me. And that's all I need to keep coming back, to keep supporting them with everything I have.
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🔸🔸🔸🔸
Sometimes, I wake up in the dead of night and find myself lost in thought. I mentioned it to my doctor, and he attributed it to my anxiety.
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Most nights, I lie awake, staring at the drawings on my wall until sleep finally overtakes me. But tonight feels different; I am restless, tossing and turning until I find a comfortable position on my side. I gaze at a picture of my father, holding me close while my brother sits on his shoulders. This is the father I adored, the one who cared for us.
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But then everything changed. He becomes a different person, turning to alcohol and abusing Mum and Timothy.
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We hoped it will stop, especially when he sobers up and shows signs of remorse. He never really apologized, but he buys things for the house, his way of making amends. I only had a reliable father figure until I was six; after that, it all went downhill.
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Music became my solace, a means of escaping reality. I started with Western tunes but eventually found refuge in the world of K-pop.
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I watch dramas, shedding tears during the sad scenes, convincing myself that it is the storyline affecting me, not the similar turmoil in my own life.
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