我是季妍，出版界筆耕多年的小小插畫家一枚。550Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1V63A3EtyR
550Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUrTEQIBoB6
我熱愛我的工作，作畫迅速從不拖稿的我，筆耕之餘還在家裡開了繪畫教室騙騙小朋友，幾年下來，事業小成的我有了幾個足以讓我膨脹的稱號---出版界稱我“季快手”，學生叫我季老師…550Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVJ70rMJSI5
550Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbVkMLGko74
但，這些，都不及我另一個稱號來得“響亮”。550Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEHJnMY6cWW
550Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9vCbjUmGUB
這個稱號是婆婆取的，她叫我~~“無~蛋~雞”~~~550Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcY3E5MFsBA
550Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDW5VWhVCGH
是的，你沒聽錯，因為在她眼中，我就是隻生不出蛋的老母雞。550Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTeeXFpJpc4
550Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnSTRxLLIEh
也許是怕我日子太無聊了吧，老天爺給了我一個全世界最棒的老公，卻又買一送一的附贈了個機車婆婆，結婚三年來，生不出半顆蛋的我早已被她嫌到十八層地獄，偏偏她老人家想盡辦法就是無法把我從“楊昕然老婆”的位置踢下來，因為她兒子超疼老婆…550Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjKzGtzm2By
550Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWMMbRxFV93
呵~~~你看她煩不煩哪！550Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAkAPmeXqoO
550Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9lGuv2UyHZ
媳婦的肚子沒動靜，兒子又越來越“老”（明明才32歲），眼看楊家就要斷子絕孫了，婆婆的焦慮越來越嚴重，於是她開始檢討我敷不出蛋的可能原因……550Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrFPWhJYybl
550Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHtNbPGmsdR
吃冰、吹冷氣……好，我改。550Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0Uvz1ApeYB
熬夜……對，我的錯。550Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSPAgcGBk8q
使用便宜水彩顏料……便宜？一盒幾千550Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBTOIZlwjM8
的“林布蘭特”？550Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWYwE7UiURY
呼吸的空氣有毒……好吧，我可以不呼550Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡY06LcBNMuc
吸了……550Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIMnuVQwNsC
550Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwzYfZyUsIf
總而言之，親愛的婆婆把所有生不出孩子的原因都歸到我身上，偏偏怪東怪西就是不怪她兒子…有一次她親愛的兒子終於看不下去了…550Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡk2UpdDvnnA
550Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdag4qgZIKD
「搞不好是我的精子有問題啊」，楊昕然先生說。550Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMBXczjcLiL
550Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡia3PfLLYrf
「胡說，我們楊家的精子怎麼會有問題」，婆婆嚴厲否認。550Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyBRoVwxgk4
550Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQWoQfvIrp0
噢，對了，說到精子，我老公是窩在手機堆裡寫APP程式的程式設計師。550Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡL43vxVzDEs
550Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqBPiVR7JTg
所以他的精子“絕對”沒問題。550Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7StxnKWLOB
550Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡi5s9qKbH53
唉~寶貝兒子沒有錯，生不出蛋的媳婦趕不走，婆婆的日子簡直沒法過了。550Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXoaAFQI7rE
550Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡChlcMFlm0B
怎麼辦？550Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQqO0UPQmVL
550Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkv9WbuM1gY
能怎麼辦？…只好叫媳婦多多“努力”囉！550Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡk6OcyyqFid
550Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaPVju5aIod
於是，親愛的婆婆天天督促我，天天督促我，電台賣的成藥我當飯吃、全臺灣的乩童都成了婆婆的FB好友，對婆婆來說，乩童的話就是聖旨，乩童叫我做什麼我都得照做……為此我吞了香灰、喝了符水、嚐遍了你想像不到的噁心東西…550Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5ZgwPpsxy6
550Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8IoxZOsCdQ
但，這麼“乖巧”的我，那天還是爆發了…550Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuXaRVZKocr
550Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFdkqJBB0Rb
因為婆婆叫我去跪“她娘家”的祖先！550Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRQtiDretjM
550Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfOF2rNbE4S
「為什麼我得去跪妳媽的（ps:這不是髒話）祖先」？…我心頭一驚。550Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ49ctuNU0kB
550Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbBcWvdsN1c
「大師說妳祖先得罪我娘家祖先，所以祖先不要妳的種」，婆婆舒適的窩在客廳沙發上削著我剛買回來的西洋梨，「除非你向我娘家祖先下跪道歉，不然」…550Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTfOL6MMFPO
550Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡY3sypnz61N
「下跪道歉」？550Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjVVCMohiZp
550Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVbczJWCNJX
「沒錯」，婆婆繼續削梨子，「所以明天妳跟我回」…550Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBtHaGJ5Q3n
550Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡn1MiLDwLgk
「~！…、☆○＞□＾」…550Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHOJc9NkQwY
550Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnhwhu1io8a
不知是不是方才喝的水果啤酒太上頭了，明明早已對婆婆的刻薄言語“免疫”的我，竟然被區區幾句話惹火了，於是，當婆婆終於消滅了難纏的梨子皮，準備享受她的勞動成果…的前一秒，我突然伸手搶走她的梨子…550Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgZxZHviwzv
550Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwwzzO0t5K2
「接下來還有什麼」？我紅著眼問。550Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgluSQZBPFr
550Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMzcCddEdDQ
「蛤」？這是我嫁入楊家以來第一次對婆婆發飆，可能是不習慣這樣的我吧，婆婆完全愣住了。550Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxppVwANldB
　　550Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQ7x4cSeafg
「我說…接下來妳還要怎麼“玩”我」？550Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVjaPpQzSm7
550Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1oSBeIFjcf
「什麼“玩”妳」？婆婆盯著被我搶走的梨子，一臉的莫名，「我還不是為妳好」…550Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡt5yzsKGyGo
550Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDXJ8k4sMu7
「為我好」？我氣笑了，「原來逼我喝符水吃香灰吃到拉肚子是為我好」…我咬牙切齒的用梨子指著婆婆…的鼻子，「摸摸良心吧！如果今天安然生不出來妳會這樣對她嗎」？550Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ55ReuLcMt6
550Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGPIbJKADGM
PS:楊安然---昕然的妹妹，某私立大學夜間部學生，楊家的寶貝，也是婆婆絕不能踩的大地雷…550Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZEgdK0idCV
550Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4ad6ZX6n34
但此刻氣瘋的我竟然踩下去了！550Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡma33eLrnBt
550Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkVU11TDGcl
「妳…妳這隻無蛋雞」！婆婆果不其然的…炸了，她憤然站起，把我手中的梨子搶去狠砸在地，「妳敢詛咒我女兒跟妳一樣沒蛋！妳…妳給我滾出去」！550Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxHzviecWM4
　　550Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRVd2a9inNE
「為什麼我要滾」？我叉腰繼續做死，「這裡是我家耶」！550Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTkpfQyjyF6
550Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQBwicPHAb6
是的，這間位於碧潭河畔三房一廳的小屋是我和老公浪漫的家，我的婆家“遠”在五十公尺外，但我忘了婆婆是老公最親愛的老媽，更忘了婆婆是個多麼愛演的老太太。550Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhNUtYdVxx8
550Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDh5cMy8Kq9
「妳…」…罵著罵著，婆婆竟然一屁股坐在地上嚎啕大哭起來~「嗚嗚~~我是造了什麼孽啊！年輕的時候為楊家做牛做馬，好不容易當了婆婆，還要被媳婦糟蹋」…550Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMvzeZjOP2L
550Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxmhOOOqU2Z
「媽」…唉…又來了…550Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLOyf6lPWzj
　　550Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8NOLNYX2oN
我無奈的揉揉眉心，一邊讚嘆婆婆的“演技”，只是……這裡只有我和婆婆，她能演給誰看？550Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXD6zlfVrdW
550Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7lnhqzp9Wm
咦…不對……550Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡR0bJRnMoW7
　　550Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvCInmEdBtH
我看了看電視上方的大圓鐘…550Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjYcitI2F7J
　　550Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7wC4g2UAPJ
呵…果然…老公接安然放學快到家了。550Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxUA5txtJKE
550Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoBoz27Dcct
「我的命怎麼這麼苦啊…嗚嗚嗚」…550Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTmXg5BE6Ug
550Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXQ6gVIm5h1
我無奈的看著眼前演得興起的婆婆，孝順的兒女快回來了，而苦命的母親還坐在地板上哭天搶地，可想而知，幾分鐘後這個家會有多“熱鬧”。550Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdz5eLgiBoC
550Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡO7ZUHUR3QL
「唉」…我忍不住歎氣…唉…又是這樣…550Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWGz6YlXgaB
　　550Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡB6CoyDmxzu
我很清楚如何避免即將到來的衝突…550Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVnsPAD4I1B
　　550Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfmJ7tOuVcQ
不就是答應去跟“她媽的”祖先下跪道歉嗎？550Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡy8yrQnJkuM
　　550Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkAglFEUkFg
下跪，簡單，但接下來呢？550Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUJ6c9pVqch
　　550Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6GvWNNW58A
只要我變不出孩子，婆婆永遠有新的花招等著我…550Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcZ5DFieQPt
　　550Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHe6pznskHI
我已經陪婆婆玩兩年了，這樣的日子我還得熬多久？550Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCmhiuwgzFv
550Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFxJX5IP8bO
　　　　我 受 夠 了！！！550Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPFWUIZB7Yq
550Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡODuD9qu4tu
「妳慢慢哭吧」，婆婆的哭聲幾乎穿透了天際，但我已經不在乎了…在一片空白的思緒中，我恍惚的握住了大門門把…「我~~不幹了」！550Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZG2GeHvzxq
550Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmkk0BOkEGH
“ 砰”！！~~的一聲…婆婆的哭嚎聲被留在了門後。550Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWh0Q0lomve
550Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡU6yx79sVMo
我走出門外，迎接我的是愁煞人的秋雨，十月的碧潭剛迎來入秋第一道寒流，冰冷的雨絲一根根扎入我毫無防護的雙臂，我知道我該回頭，但我無路可退。550Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeRE6CBEnXa
550Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYbZVyGF9b2
退不得，那就跑吧！550Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmIGo487opp
550Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPmwEKPr6He
於是我開始拼命奔跑、拼命奔跑……550Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJUKjToNuxQ
550Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlJIEF4rAFe
萬萬想不到，這一跑，竟跑出了我的第一個孩子，還有那短暫卻一生難忘的姐妹情誼……550Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIPWnSsAtGD
550Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3vfiWFYoLK
這是一個很短、很短的故事，如果您允許的話，請容我用旁觀者的角度，向您娓娓道來吧。