[Darkness.]
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[Brightness. White hospital light. A generic student accommodation. ROXIE sits at the generic table in the corner of a generic kitchen. She is listless.]273Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJX51tnLQbk
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ROXIE:273Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0Nbm9j83Y9
I am new here. Hallo. My name is Roxie. I only came out a few months ago so maybe I should also say that my name before was Rian. My dad is a counsellor and he says that I should tell people what my old name was so that they can know me better.
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But I bet that's bullshit. Anyway. Here I am. Here is me. There are three stools in this kitchen for the three of us who will live in this apartment here. 273Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7CZBawxqNx
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But none others have yet arrived so, yeah, just, me. But that's okay. I can be my own best entertainer. The girlie I met in the train told me that if my family don't support me, then I must leave them and the friends I make here will become my new family. 273Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ76PEXtWvke
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That's true enough I suppose. 273Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6OEXRUcFRt
[ROXIE stands up from the table and walks over to the kitchen window and stares out of it to the other blank, generic accommodations across the road. She is, again, listless to the most extreme.]
ROXIE:
This isn't who I thought I would turn out to be...
Pause. 273Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpdaW6tWj3W
But who do I talk to? Why speak aloud?273Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡH66ByzO3w1
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But of course I know why. I do. I do. I do. The longer that the echo between speech lasts the more I am forced to sit and listen. So I must get it all out. Every bit of it, however ugly. 273Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiDdu1WFw1N
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But it's still hard, you know? Just because my dad's a psychotherapist and I understand what I am to do, it doesn't make it any easier. 273Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpdbUnbA0o3
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But I will try. Because, frankly, what else is there to do?273Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXuujIP93TJ
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I started watching porn videos when I was twelve years old. Was it then or when I don't know that I became an addict. When did it switch from a once to a constant. It was an echo-chamber of madness and dark intentions. 273Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYob1K9uQVP
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Sometimes I wonder if my own mental state now is a result of that. I wonder if I'm all wrong. I wonder if this is normal, to be doubting your own existence. I wonder if this is all just an after effect of my own upbringing. I wonder a lot of things.
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Because, perhaps, yeah, perhaps I am real. And I am me. And perhaps I can trust my head and perhaps I can safely say, Yes. I am me. 273Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqVbu8M0o4j
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But I can't just make all of those other thoughts go away at once. How could I? I'm not a superhero...273Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNnSgbya0p6
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Or would it be a super-heroine? 273Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAwMDUO46sl
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I'm kind of comfortable with all the really awful feminine stereotypes. Dumb blondes, bimbos, damsels and dames. It doesn't really bother me. If anything, it makes me feel better that I might not over act. 273Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSdZ1t3aRED
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"Act" It isn't acting as a woman. I am a woman and I am me and I know I must be. What I meant was when I am in public and trying to pass as cis. 273Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd1MbgbS3PB
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[During this pause, ROXIE turns away from the window and makes her way over to the fridge. It is dull and generic. She goes to open it, stops herself, and then opens it.]273Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3Ilz3hzTec
ROXIE:
But the night will soon be over, thank God. And I will soon lose consciousness. I will soon lose all ability to think and overthink about all my shortcomings and long stretches alone. I look forward to sleep. I look forward to when everything is set in stone, when it's all black and white, when I'm no longer an addict, when I don't get hungover and have a license and can stay within my waist goals and everything is perfect. But until then. I must sleep.
Pause. 273Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUkEh37lYDy
[During the pause, ROXIE gradually sinks down onto floor and curls into a ball.]273Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡu5rvAGYuh6
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[Darkness.]273Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQ6gqslOGYz
