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INT. TATE MODERN, ST IVES - AFTERNOON
Stable shopkeeper DR GREGORY BUTTERSCOTCH is arguing with sweet housekeeper MASTER HARRY CHAN. GREGORY tries to hug HARRY but he shakes him off.
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GREGORY209Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8Q7UClY6Jw
Please Harry, don't leave me.
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HARRY209Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡghRYUVBer9
I'm sorry Gregory, but I'm looking for somebody a bit more brave. Somebody who faces his fears head on, instead of running away.
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GREGORY209Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtbKCNAvMGk
I am such a person!
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HARRY frowns.
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HARRY209Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWmyggpJRmC
I'm sorry, Gregory. I just don't feel excited by this relationship anymore.
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HARRY leaves.
GREGORY sits down, looking defeated.
Moments later, hopeful doctor MRS CHANTAL MALKOVICH barges in looking flustered.
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GREGORY209Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8oQe18rzeR
Goodness, Chantal! Is everything okay?
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CHANTAL209Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYYN7bS9Ocg
I'm afraid not.
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GREGORY209Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡB3WPId9Vtf
What is it? Don't keep me in suspense...
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CHANTAL209Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ40dLHQ9dzR
It's ... an alien ... I saw an evil alien exterminate a bunch of swimmers!
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GREGORY209Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIvNEoBUfTe
Defenseless swimmers?
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CHANTAL209Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtyRjQlthod
Yes, defenseless swimmers!
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GREGORY209Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡv1XhdVqefT
Bloomin' heck, Chantal! We've got to do something.
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CHANTAL209Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1gDqDElPPZ
I agree, but I wouldn't know where to start.
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GREGORY209Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgMqkMMBfAg
You can start by telling me where this happened.
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CHANTAL209Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNRladTmNb0
I was...
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CHANTAL fans herself and begins to wheeze.
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GREGORY209Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNyUcibqYzD
Focus Chantal, focus! Where did it happen?
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CHANTAL209Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCvUV7krHCK
National History Museum, London! That's right - National History Museum, London!
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GREGORY springs up and begins to run.
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EXT. A ROAD - CONTINUOUS
GREGORY rushes along the street, followed by CHANTAL. They take a short cut through some back gardens, jumping fences along the way.
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INT. NATIONAL HISTORY MUSEUM, LONDON - SHORTLY AFTER
SHARON PIGEON a spiteful alien terrorises two swimmers.
GREGORY, closely followed by CHANTAL, rushes towards SHARON, but suddenly stops in his tracks.
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CHANTAL209Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmVu6N105ys
What is is? What's the matter?
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GREGORY209Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFzaSWQ2SCb
That's not just any old alien, that's Sharon Pigeon!
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CHANTAL209Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡA2HCeicxAf
Who's Sharon Pigeon?
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GREGORY209Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrRaUrVGzOm
Who's Sharon Pigeon? Who's Sharon Pigeon? Only the most spiteful alien in the universe!
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CHANTAL209Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡePthcmL4dT
Blinkin' knickers, Gregory! We're going to need some help if we're going to stop the most spiteful alien in the universe!
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GREGORY209Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYZ3ARyh4Lx
You can say that again.
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CHANTAL209Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAO4SmsPL5J
Blinkin' knickers, Gregory! We're going to need some help if we're going to stop the most spiteful alien in the universe!
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GREGORY209Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡftplCGRmTB
I'm going to need ropes, lots of ropes.
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Sharon turns and sees Gregory and Chantal. She grins an evil grin.
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SHARON209Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8wlBkJV1HO
Gregory Butterscotch, we meet again.
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CHANTAL209Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKqhjfDui5T
You've met?
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GREGORY209Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡk4mJ5SyY0k
Yes. It was a long, long time ago...
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EXT. A PARK - BACK IN TIME
A young GREGORY is sitting in a park listening to some drum and bass music, when suddenly a dark shadow casts over him.
He looks up and sees SHARON. He takes off his headphones.
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SHARON209Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡu80Qk4QXYL
Would you like some chocolate?
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GREGORY's eyes light up, but then he studies SHARON more closely, and looks uneasy.
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GREGORY209Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfmDg7hztQz
I don't know, you look kind of spiteful.
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SHARON209Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMj6t4iwXZd
Me? No. I'm not spiteful. I'm the least spiteful alien in the world.
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GREGORY209Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZTsjmqXAuX
Wait, you're a alien?
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GREGORY runs away, screaming.
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INT. NATIONAL HISTORY MUSEUM, LONDON - PRESENT DAY
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SHARON209Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBlaAZIW4Fc
You were a coward then, and you are a coward now.
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CHANTAL209Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd6AzzEK7Du
(To GREGORY) You ran away?
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GREGORY209Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡp2KTkRKcTp
(To CHANTAL) I was a young child. What was I supposed to do?
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GREGORY turns to SHARON.
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GREGORY209Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡu4EDzY9b1h
I may have run away from you then, but I won't run away this time!
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GREGORY runs away.
He turns back and shouts.
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GREGORY209Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHXKomHSOKn
I mean, I am running away, but I'll be back - with ropes.
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SHARON209Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡj3e5DJ8Qeo
I'm not scared of you.
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GREGORY209Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsLFncsLk3m
You should be.
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EXT. A LIBRARY - LATER THAT DAY
GREGORY and CHANTAL walk around searching for something.
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GREGORY209Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7HTMzM3hZo
I feel sure I left my ropes somewhere around here.
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CHANTAL209Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmYgvctTMBD
Are you sure? It does seem like an odd place to keep deadly ropes.
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GREGORY209Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ56dWVRdvNH
You know nothing Chantal Malkovich.
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CHANTAL209Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOCYkT5YcbA
We've been searching for ages. I really don't think they're here.
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Suddenly, SHARON appears, holding a pair of ropes.
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SHARON209Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7LPQp0EPWh
Looking for something?
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CHANTAL209Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJLP9PWThjj
Crikey, Gregory, she's got your ropes.
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GREGORY209Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEF0GJukP8z
Tell me something I don't already know!
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CHANTAL209Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyJLfFcFY5p
The earth's circumference at the equator is about 40,075 km.
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GREGORY209Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxS98K7V6Ik
I know that already!
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CHANTAL209Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8XjvZZl7NJ
I pick my nose and eat it.
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SHARON209Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNEq1Prcsxn
(appalled) Dude!
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While SHARON is looking at CHANTAL with disgust, GREGORY lunges forward and grabs his deadly ropes. He wields them, triumphantly.
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GREGORY209Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMwyUXkBqA0
Prepare to die, you spiteful cauliflower!
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SHARON209Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6ru14IhGiT
No please! All I did was exterminate a bunch of swimmers!
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HARRY enters, unseen by any of the others.
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GREGORY209Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVwkXlT8c5p
I cannot tolerate that kind of behaviour! Those swimmers were defenceless! Well now they have a defender - and that's me! Gregory Butterscotch defender of innocent swimmers.
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SHARON209Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHsogaL3OKL
Don't hurt me! Please!
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GREGORY209Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5OkE9amw2Z
Give me one good reason why I shouldn't use these ropes on you right away!
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SHARON209Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡD1cLacP9vU
Because Gregory, I am your mother.
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GREGORY looks stunned for a few moments, but then collects himself.
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GREGORY209Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtZi8arOK5w
No you're not!
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SHARON209Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyCgd1cCAlm
Ah well, it had to be worth a try.
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SHARON tries to grab the ropes but GREGORY dodges out of the way.
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GREGORY209Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhq5edl5ULB
Who's the mummy now? Huh? Huh?
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Unexpectedly, SHARON slumps to the ground.
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CHANTAL209Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡf7q7eP94fR
Did she just faint?
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GREGORY209Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2BRBqTjLBW
I think so. Well that's disappointing. I was rather hoping for a more dramatic conclusion, involving my deadly ropes.
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GREGORY crouches over SHARON's body.
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CHANTAL209Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJhkHTva4F0
Be careful, Gregory. It could be a trick.
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GREGORY209Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYRrOTKWBUH
No, it's not a trick. It appears that... It would seem... Sharon Pigeon is dead!
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GREGORY209Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeigpdL8boO
What?
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GREGORY209Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYZQOSS2VIy
Yes, it appears that I scared her to death.
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CHANTAL claps her hands.
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CHANTAL209Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnz7YjXZDFu
So your ropes did save the day, after all.
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HARRY steps forward.
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HARRY209Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRvstJ5umZX
Is it true? Did you kill the spiteful alien?
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GREGORY209Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4gYggISEDv
Harry how long have you been...?
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HARRY puts his arm around GREGORY.
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HARRY209Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡssu9A9S56i
Long enough.
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GREGORY209Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡR9QOW2b3ye
Then you saw it for yourself. I killed Sharon Pigeon.
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HARRY209Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUF3u1nYBXh
Then the swimmers are safe?
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GREGORY209Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMUvRZYlXKQ
It does seem that way!
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A crowd of vulnerable swimmers enter, looking relived.
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HARRY209Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCT26l4GXNm
You are their hero.
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The swimmers bow to GREGORY.
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GREGORY209Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQQvqSpIEmc
There is no need to bow to me. I seek no worship. The knowledge that Sharon Pigeon will never exterminate swimmers ever again, is enough for me.
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HARRY209Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdWqj2kMiKB
You are humble as well as brave!
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One of the swimmers passes GREGORY a magic ring
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HARRY209Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS2T6G58RF4
I think they want you to have it, as a symbol of their gratitude.
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GREGORY209Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6X971nxSq8
I couldn't possibly.
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Pause.
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GREGORY209Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡerwD1QyHt4
Well, if you insist.
209Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVCJWEGFQtw
GREGORY takes the ring.
209Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMV0sWsMVOr
GREGORY209Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnFkIHnf7Di
Thank you.
209Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxw9Ne9IOH8
The swimmers bow their heads once more, and leave.
GREGORY turns to HARRY.
209Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdOqfLzSUwV
GREGORY209Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsM7MWI64tt
Does this mean you want me back?
209Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMrZDQTyFUf
209Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXcEz6wIvm6
HARRY209Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtFHl2h0aLq
Oh, Gregory, of course I want you back!
209Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWI0hbk6fFN
GREGORY smiles for a few seconds, but then looks defiant.
209Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJG9Zivc8QN
GREGORY209Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUyV6pLWNOm
Well you can't have me.
209Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ30lH0kwbtw
209Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUpsuyKHwRK
HARRY209Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZpemGrBafp
WHAT?
209Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbx3iwjjCSa
209Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd4VeWtXWDw
GREGORY209Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrDXJc1Wdgm
You had no faith in me. You had to see my scare a alien to death before you would believe in me. I don't want a lover like that.
209Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRaOv5nZodD
209Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeIF1IruErC
HARRY209Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcdVMVAt0AY
But...
209Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrzPxQ5e6ce
209Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvScYFj4oJW
GREGORY209Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbvvYlFMM1C
Please leave. I want to spend time with the one person who stayed with me through thick and thin - my best friend, Chantal.
209Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVqHZm67uE2
CHANTAL grins.
209Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGsjcummywd
HARRY209Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrCQ0U6Hryg
But...
209Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3YUY8CXxQg
209Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdIv1GfumLD
CHANTAL209Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTH79tb2ejY
You heard the gentleman. Now be off with you. Skidaddle! Shoo!
209Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡva4wSU45jG
209Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTohg06npk0
HARRY209Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5jx7xKmui8
Gregory?
209Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvCFF6hjeMt
209Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSe5XVwm2bM
GREGORY209Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqvXyYYlSlU
I'm sorry Harry, but I think you should skidaddle.
209Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsDUfOueOv3
HARRY leaves.
CHANTAL turns to GREGORY.
209Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbg4HefWf8K
CHANTAL209Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmH79VRaVHF
Did you mean that? You know ... that I'm your best friend?
209Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXAOdNML0OM
209Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡteYEwLH7Ky
GREGORY209Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ65BEQiWzRf
Of course you are!
209Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxb8X9i9Gri
The two walk off arm in arm.
Suddenly CHANTAL stops.
209Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnYCaTKTSJ6
CHANTAL209Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeaVlEsBrbR
When I said I pick my nose and eat it, you know I was just trying to distract the alien don't you?
209Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUwP1UQx9Ap
209Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeJVY2egTbX
THE END
ns18.222.144.137da2
