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315Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ76ggyn0XfO
315Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyGvQxnjyI9
絕大多數的時候，我偏好一個人做園藝工作。315Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1TrnLegeIg
315Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHiJagE37yy
我喜歡一個人待在花園，邊做邊寧靜地沉浸於大自然之中。當然，我做園藝的時候也會思考些事情，這段寧靜的片刻我來說是一種享受。315Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlgW0jUvBGm
315Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqtdgVGhSEb
我本身喜歡上園藝的原因，是來自姆姆告訴過我們的一個比喻，我很喜歡那個比喻：如果要成為修道之人，或者當我們要開始靈修生活時，至尊陛下最多能做的只有除去一塊荒地上的雜亂野草，播下好種子。剩下的工作得由我們自己進行。我們必須盡心盡力當個好園丁，用心澆水，照顧好這些植物，使之成長並盛開，愉悅我們的上主。這樣一來，祂便會時常來到賞心悅目的花園中，而我們也因此從中得到喜悅。315Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFAaNowzYMC
315Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4wJiXwwwjX
一想到這，我便更加努力照料身旁的花園和菜園，豐富四周環境的同時也豐富自己的心靈，如此還能夠接近上主，這不是一舉數得嗎？315Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiLJO4SixPH
315Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHJf4d3bxtz
只不過，現在的我卻像是以翻整花園為目的，來逃避一個天大的煩惱。315Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpCSdIelojp
315Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuTvCBMkP05
「自己想要的東西......是嗎？」315Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGeyYGybhhO
315Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjkjc5zgFp2
以前生活在修道院的時候，我好像從未這麼煩惱過。315Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFvGvqAgzGO
315Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaXP0b3Od2M
每位修女都視之為己任，打苦鞭、守嚴齋、祈禱、抄寫經文等等，持續地向至尊陛下祈求。就這樣每天過著心靈充實的日子。315Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlzxMNoufCB
315Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsld6hxKKcY
如今我每日不僅得和各種各樣誘惑對抗，還有個純真的小王子詢問我究竟想要什麼。我又不希望殘忍拒絕殿下的好意，真叫人苦惱吶。315Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡshWNsyAN9Q
315Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡH2qjTAOJJj
「唉......」315Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡssajSzqtlq
315Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiJMiZo1W0u
我沉浸於雜亂的思緒中，漸漸停下手邊的翻土作業，感覺到汗水從額頭沿著臉頰滑落下來。我用手背抹去了汗水，然後輕嘆了一口氣。315Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgHUmaVXHsq
315Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡa271nyl5xa
明明只要當場拒絕獅族王子殿下的好意，並表示自己全心全意為至尊陛下奉獻就好；為什麼當時我卻沒有這麼做呢？315Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoMhjiJ1cFs
315Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWotL3z1uCc
是由於殿下的語氣充滿真摯的純潔與無邪嗎？315Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVBZeVClV5G
315Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4zOyX5UgdB
是由於殿下對待他人的時候總是膽大心細嗎？315Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbbhM6ZzMCH
315Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAYIZp088mX
「唉......」315Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXRJoXSJbaX
315Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡN4SkQnT8Ah
「海倫娜，妳怎麼在唉聲嘆氣的？」315Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ94oNDxRfYo
315Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIt6vG4mfcR
就在此時，熟悉的桑音自我身後響起。315Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoKNOkmW5Zx
315Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWub6qm1c8v
「奧絲雅，妳好呀。騎士團的鍛鍊結束了嗎？」315Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaUDeCg2ANT
315Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMDlHPazbjs
我轉過頭的時候勉強勾起嘴角露出微笑，但不是很成功。315Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsrfdXz8iSl
315Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡugINGxY9H3
「妳在煩惱些什麼嗎？」315Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVByhpZT2tY
315Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiWT6bNHE2Z
奧絲雅馬上便察覺到我只是在強顏歡笑。315Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVGGe66JbCc
315Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrOTs9oUmJR
「不愧是奧絲雅，一下就被看出來了。」我苦笑。315Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡooc15319gJ
315Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1fZA1JhGEO
「該不會那隻毛茸茸的大貓咪強迫妳做討厭的事情了？還是他趁著暖床的時候對妳毛手毛腳？我去教訓他！」315Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWxBIm4zhVZ
315Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDPPrchNKfL
「不用擔心。殿下是一位很紳士的人，他沒有對我做出失禮的事情。」315Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6Ud6gT3gur
315Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1jqb1xu10T
經奧絲雅這麼提醒，我回想起來半夜時分我們倆常常會和殿下緊貼在一起(有幾次殿下還差點因奧絲雅奇差無比的睡姿抱得太緊而窒息！)。315Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjWyPvdg88K
315Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNwxrGq43Yi
半夢半醒之中，我感覺到殿下胯下的部位好像有點熱熱硬硬的凸起物…...算了，那應該是我的錯覺吧？315Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2TgEv6Gfwa
315Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvRHMYt6gE3
畢竟那個部位又沒有任何東西。315Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNSvpKcAoEa
315Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡngAATvUknn
「真的沒發生什麼事。」315Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwiJClsKGxc
315Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRK1OXDK7x8
所以我決定暫時撇下這個疑惑。315Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBgKlblt4Ha
315Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡV53hE05ohF
「只是......殿下確實給我出了個難題。」315Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhKmPF3nI6E
315Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBAwjtErrw0
我對奧絲雅講述前幾天發生的事，其中也包括我找不到真心希望得到的事物。315Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZT0pXQGc32
315Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3uttNacTLC
「畢竟妳總是那麼善良。」奧絲雅說：「像妳這麼忠貞的修女怎麼可能會有私慾呢？那隻小笨貓到底在問啥呀。」315Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡC3sVL9lLQv
315Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7hch4zJiXQ
「呵呵，奧絲雅，我可沒如此高尚。像我這樣的小女子，軟弱又沒什麼剛毅可言。天主賜予恩寵引領我，如祂現在所做的，我認為已是對我莫大的恩典。」我補充道說：「再者，殿下也是一番好意嘛。」315Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡR0GFBDNaqy
315Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBjcnuLF2rJ
「可是妳再繼續煩惱下去也不是辦法，妳體內會累積壞的體液喔，到時候生病的話可得不償失。」315Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIjeyf6FfXd
315Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBHawrAybbt
「的確，假使積累太多黑膽汁(Black bile)的話，真會讓人感到抑鬱寡歡呢。」315Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAfEcBA55YZ
315Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiNxDyXgXIt
「我看妳最近一直忙著整理花園，要不偶爾也去做點其他事情，如何呢？」315Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡe9GrWkhpka
315Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡERqG9iM5yp
「其他事情？」315Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyYaIakyhNC
315Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMLHomiArid
「對呀，看是要出外走走散心或大口吃肉忘掉煩惱......啊，不好意思，妳身為赤足修院的修女要守齋戒。」315Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOK49AEAdre
315Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbA3Telo1eT
「散散心嗎......嗯，也許我真的不該為一個問題而過度鑽牛角尖，或許換個方法，換個角度來思考，才可以想的到解決之道呢」315Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoaTgv8cyLt
315Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ611RHLoQsp
「那麼要不要陪我去城外晃晃嘞？」奧絲雅很開心地問我。315Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAxrWqT2Ouw
315Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡstJHNOxgtY
「下次吧。」我說：「我想要久違的讓自己清醒一下呢。也許是太久沒有做那件事，腦袋都有些不靈光了呢。」315Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm78qZL36KE
315Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE9rP4BtSJx
「哪件事？」315Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJjXHhejKRU
315Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIGbRYdYTB3
「當然是足以叫人靈魂為之振奮，讓整個人都感覺通體舒暢、徹底清醒的一帖良方囉。它對於動腦袋思考可是很有幫助的唷，奧絲雅你也一起來試試吧！」315Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjfPxkcUjh1
315Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2PvUQvRXek
「妳難道是指——」315Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYxD478SIXr
315Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxJhbf9EpWX
我邊說邊雙手一拍，發出啪的清脆聲響。315Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkkASbW8ACZ
315Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtiGGl6iWb4
「打.苦.鞭。」315Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡA02ItEMCVv
315Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSilGvIdoa0
＊＊＊315Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ89ir6OF8My
315Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaYLlIv3wxR
咻——劈啪！315Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQaSXI4Bz4K
315Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3Yyi5JgxGS
每當我單手往後一揮，空氣便會發出一聲呼嘯作響，隨即傳來的則是清脆的聲響。315Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQ4hnj9xCLL
315Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjfomEc99Vk
咻——劈啪！315Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNgvWfDrwFQ
315Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZJ6kAWQ1DP
每當綁了節的粗繩鞭抽打在我的後背上，我便感受到如同火燒且入骨的痛楚。315Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyX1RBrDcgQ
315Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡN6vEwBKRwq
咻——劈啪！315Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPZJh1KlW6S
315Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrbxqaeOPgE
此時此刻，我正獨自跪坐在〈白城〉城堡內的小聖堂內，一邊手持苦鞭鞭打自己，一邊靜默地禱告著。315Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyRyOtEuilc
315Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWB4vLd6dcc
我每一次都使勁全力揮舞苦鞭，都以極大力道鞭笞我的背部，盡可能為我的肉體帶來極大的痛楚感，並在這過程中驅逐一切貪念、困惑、慾望，以及最重要的——以自身受苦受難來救贖人類在世間的苦難，並且更接近至尊陛下。315Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTd17K9Gw41
315Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrkWJC24HNV
咻——劈啪！315Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnZZS9RIvVh
315Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW0aYU6l2Gv
「哼嗯......」315Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnzw9ma8eTd
315Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMkexomLGh3
糟糕，我居然在打苦鞭時發出悶哼聲，難道是內心的專注力變得渙散嗎？315Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYpRpInXeXx
315Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUvsqSjVJtR
自從離開修道院後，我的人生便發生劇烈的改變。許許多多無法理解的事情一波接著一波襲來，讓我都快應付不來了——而這還是我自己造成的！315Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡso9ygrMrF2
315Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ29n37SPEbr
姆姆曾說過，為了使我們這些羔羊的靈魂靠向自由和卓越的全德，需要非常刻苦的努力。但是，卻不能在短時間內修成。所以我和姊妹們以剛毅的心祈求苦難，或者，更精確地說，我們的至尊陛下賜予我們剛毅，願意為祂受苦，因為這是我們的渴望。315Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzQlBeqyjn1
315Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5S4WZ31MOd
可是一離開修道院後，我才發現世俗世界的苦難比想像中還要多，而這些都是姆姆過去極力避免我們所接觸的。我不怪她，因為這之中不只有苦難，還有各種各樣慾念在我周遭作崇並嘗試引誘我。315Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡF7gdyApi5c
315Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgJaGOLeaPX
我深信這是至尊陛下給予我的一個巨大的考驗，比起待在封閉的修道院裡頭更能測試我對祂的忠誠......我難不成做了錯誤的決定嗎？315Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡweQSKMWdgA
315Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡETnLhyFdtS
不行不行，我得專心於打苦鞭才行，沉浸於疼痛的喜悅才是。315Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpWDqhv7Ro3
315Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE7KJ3Psdyv
咻——劈啪！315Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ90L1e2XXIe
315Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡF7pqwZOOWs
只要鞭打得更用力......315Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMrtyftfPZn
315Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBIpQgcmJYr
咻——劈啪！315Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2483MsMvB9
315Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMxRyWhn5dw
讓身體更痛......315Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjjoGPDdn5N
315Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9e7Tnz1evm
咻——劈啪！315Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMej9gV77Ej
315Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1wqYS9TZyG
就能夠忘卻一切......315Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq61OyVCWJ4
315Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkRHbAn4mpN
咻——315Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡN3GMEGxGfo
315Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWN0rtcY1cr
突然間，苦鞭劃破空氣的聲音，為我的腦袋內帶來靈光一閃。315Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCa4s4ISg0V
315Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkXuHwj6XrF
假使換個方式思考，眼前這個難題不就和離開修道院這件一模一樣嗎？當初居住於修道院內過著封閉的生活，確實是一種精進內心靈性的方式。但那只不過是閉上眼不去觀看外界的苦難罷了。315Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9GAwcCIKwa
315Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfeuwbAmp0y
如果我試圖迴避殿下的這個問題，豈不是在封閉住心靈而不去正視問題嗎？如此一來它將纏著我不放，成為我內在與外在的苦痛與擾亂。315Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ34m6ISXuhS
315Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcMFnf8U9Of
咻——劈啪！315Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡu7KXo4vNNg
315Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMGmqc8XtVK
再一次，苦鞭飛舞的聲響提醒我某個事物。315Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBipvXbj3xf
315Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3SbpulhGLS
沒有錯，只要找到真心想要的事物並告訴殿下，就能夠永遠解決問題！這並非滿足私慾，而是開拓更寬廣順暢的修道之路啊！315Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOVRqghtnWO
315Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3lTyiHNYGf
咻——劈啪！315Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNEbA8U7tEX
315Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQOJ3CzDfFn
而那事物原本模糊的形象，彷彿在一次又一次的鞭笞更加清晰可見！315Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRzpKGx1ybv
315Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpGSY7QakVC
更多！更多！更多的苦鞭！
