我……想死。
喔等等等，不知道我用這麼一個……以正常社會眼光來說有點聳動的標題，是不是會讓你有著「這個人發生了什麼？」、「要不要關心他一下？」、「來看個熱鬧吧！ 」等等的想法？429Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0lsSFuDJnh
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為此我得解釋一下……嗯，我真的想死，死透的死。429Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ95AlonMoJO
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等等等，放下你手邊任何，不管是電話還是什麼可以通知那些好比生命專線的東西，如果你真的做了我在想你可能做的那件事，也許我會真的去死。429Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeBOxNmEuKH
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這樣的話結果就不同……不，從最根本的本質來說就不再美好。會變成我不是自殺，是他殺，是做出這件事的某人，可能是你是他是她，這樣的話對任何人的心理都不好。429Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡswdHEQPDyp
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所以別做傻事，OK？429Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKbErcShCXP
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好，好，冷靜一點了吧，那現在開始我想問一些問題，希望你可以幫我想想。429Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQAqfLAn1yl
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寶貝，為什麼"死亡"這麼另人感到恐懼呢？429Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUZ7ZI695dk
這樣問好了，對於死，你怕的是什麼？429Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6LSZGQx7LR
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是怕死的時候會痛？是害怕失去現在擁有的？還是怕……我想不到了，到底怕什麼？429Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcEkcAyFOOj
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我得說，我怕痛，而且是非常怕，不得不說這是我在我的自殺小計劃本本中最大的"不該死"理由。這也許是全世界唯一個可以讓怕痛成為優點、讓"該死"可以成為正面詞語的事情。429Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡO1OzWhqtAk
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好，這一點我同意了。429Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ455qyoUUj0
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那失去呢？說實話我曾經拿起我的筆，在書桌前非常認真的在想我擁有什麼。那是在七歲的時候吧，剛被媽媽罵完很生氣的坐在那想。429Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSQIhr1a9PY
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最後我寫下了火焰獸，我最愛的玩具。429Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8GyQGewkm3
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但現在想想，我如果不是坐在這兒想些五四三，我好像快十年沒把它拿起來玩了。就好像我在十八歲時為了和女友分手哭的死去活來，現在還不他媽活的好好的，只有偶爾會想起那段回憶揪心。429Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDDvw4I6Jly
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所以人果然是……用我來概括全人類可能太自視甚高。所以我，我果然是善變的，對於人事物，那我死後就不善變嗎？429Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLXYInI36lR
不知道，畢竟我沒死過，但我覺得沒意外的話我死後個十來年，沒人會記得我，我也不會想任何人。429Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKzHC2LjzK4
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失去不成立。所以……好像我們只是在怕一個"未知"。429Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvLmk2JtHD0
不知道我往這邊走會到哪邊、做這件事會怎麼樣，就好像突然叫我去日本，我會不知所措因為不會日文，但真的要我活下去好像又不是件難事。429Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡk6JGd6DfV4
小時候也會對很多地方充滿恐懼，長大的現在只會覺得，小朋友真奇怪。429Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7BwY52tlkd
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或許死了就會想，人呀，真的很奇怪。429Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWeua7CCkTR
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不過拿這例子來想就有點頭緒了，因為人的想像力實在強大，明明就不會怎麼樣，但就是覺得會怎麼樣，搞到最後都不知道是怎麼樣了……，事後覺得，嗯，真不怎樣。429Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1LwWKoD7Em
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所以講了這麼多，可不可以對我抱持"想死"這件事稍微覺得不是那麼怎樣了呢？429Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfXpAzPIONf
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如果是，我還有問題想問。429Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡF8aNVOYZex
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什麼樣的人會想死呢？429Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaQ4aK6Qmjd
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悲傷的時候？生氣的時候？還是絕望的時候？429Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5MKBvrb0v9
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都會吧我想，但我覺得嘛……應該是任何時候吧。429Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡY5xYuwfPVD
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就像我現在，我很開心，因為我參與了一場很棒的秀，那個感動，哇，難以用言語形容。429Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEiuQlNwJYD
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所以我想死呀，因為如果現在掛了，我就是為人生的最後，畫上了完美的句點。雖然過程可能不盡人意……？429Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm2SvXepNkD
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「剛吃飽覺得滿足了，所以覺得就算現在來一顆隕石我把砸爆，食物還沒消化就從我受到擠壓的肚子中傾瀉而出，美呀！」的情景也是有過的。429Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJjJJDIx4D4
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很多人會問，為什麼要去死？對此我想反過來問，為何不去死？429Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiixjkdyA1A
有什麼理由讓人苟延殘喘下去呢？429Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5vMmzU41AZ
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有，而且很重要，可能…很重要吧。429Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqpCgouu16f
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就是冰箱裡還有一塊小蛋糕，巧克力的，我明天還想把他吃完。429Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZ89qfXFULb
昨天看了一部動畫，下星期結局，再活一個星期好了。429Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZqdRd5EwKy
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運氣不錯，每天都有想做的事，所以……明天還有事，後天再死好了？
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