辦公室的甜蜜邂逅 - 第五十章

（講分手前30分鐘）（便利店）

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Amy…

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雖然係逼不得已，但而家諗返起點都係有啲覺得對唔住琳琳…

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人在江湖，身不由己啊

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好似誇咗。

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過咗去嘅事就唔好理喇，唯有而家買返幾罐啤酒同琳琳刷餐勁嘅！

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「一共$80。」

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「碌卡唔該。」

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嗶一一付款失敗。

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「先生，你呢張卡餘額不足喎，有冇第二張？」

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咦點解會冇錢？冇理由喎...算喇唯有攞住張後備卡俾咗先。

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「試吓呢張唔該。」

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嗶一一付款失敗。

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「先生，你哩張嘅餘額都不足喎，不如我幫後面嗰位客人俾咗先？」

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「…好，唔該」

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佢又用哂啲錢...

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連我防身保命用嘅都用埋。

...

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…

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…

喺返屋企嘅路上，我喺度諗…會唔會係琳琳有急事囉左啲錢出嚟？

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會唔會我過數過左去第二個戶口？

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直至我check到我張卡嘅消費記錄係今晚琳琳同佢「哥哥」食野果間餐廳之前，我都寧願相信喺俾人hack左偷哂我入邊啲錢。

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乜原來我做嘅野由唔知幾時開始對琳琳嚟講已經無意義。

…

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…

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…

我打開屋企道大門，竟然覺得有啲吃力。

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乜原來屋企道門咁沉重㗎?

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「Hi~皓晨，你今日飲左好多酒啊？」琳琳訓咗係牀上面。

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如果係平時嘅我一定飛撲過去。

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但我今日冇心情。

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「我冇訓專登等你返嚟呀!我有野想同你講~」琳琳聽落好開心咁講，但我咩都唔想理。

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「喂，你有冇聽我講野？」琳琳顯得有啲唔耐煩。

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「有，你繼續講我有聽。」

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「做咩喎...你咁既語氣我就唔講架啦~」

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「你中意。」

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「你咩語氣啊而家？」

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啊。

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我好努力唔發火㗎啦。

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但係點忍？

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應承過我幾多次唔會咁大洗？

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有邊次做到？

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「你幾時洗曬我後備卡啲錢？」

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「咩後備卡啊…？唔知道，唔記得，究竟咩事？」琳琳自故自除底佢面上面塊mask。

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我望住佢毫不在乎嘅樣，我懸著嘅心終於放低左。

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我好嬲，嬲自己到呢一刻都唔知自己喺琳琳心目中算咩。

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真係仲有愛咩？

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「我張卡最後嘅消費記錄係啱啱喺酒吧碌咗萬五蚊…你用我嘅錢同嗰個男嘅玩得開唔開心啊？」

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我同琳琳係埋一齊咁耐，自然會鬧過無數次交。但我諗今次…係我鬧得最強勢嘅一次。

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「你講咩呀？你依家係串我呀？你上次飲完酒咪又揹你女上司返屋企」琳琳唔執輸咁反駁。

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「一單還一單，況且上次單嘢唔係完咗喇咩？點解又翻舊帳？」

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「咁係因為你對我同佢見面嘅事有意見喎。」

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「李穎琳，而家個問題唔係你同佢見面，而係你飲一次酒就洗我萬五蚊。我又唔係咩有錢人，負擔唔起你咁大洗㗎。」

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「唔洗囉！以後都唔洗啦！咁得啦？唔好再講啦。」琳琳企起身大聲鬧返轉頭。

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家家有本難念的經，而明顯我哋兩個喺看待錢上面係完全兩個世界嘅人。

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一個應慳就慳，一個想洗就洗。

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呢種金錢上嘅問題係我哋兩個之間已經存在咗好耐，亦都爭執過好多次。

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唔係達成唔到共識。

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而係達成咗共識之後琳琳仍然會大洗，我仍然會努力慳錢。

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咁叫價值觀唔同，又邊有分邊個啱邊個錯？

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既然係咁，總要搵個辦法傾掂佢，如果唔係個問題只會越積越大。

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「我由以前就已經講過好多次話要慳啲洗，而為咗我哋嘅將來你都有應承我。但每一次應承咗之後，你有冇實際行動過？甚至乎有冇將我講過嘅嘢擺喺心？」

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愛，從來都係兩個人嘅事。如果剩係得一個人去為頭家着想去付出，咁實在係太攰了。

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琳琳有冇為頭家付出？有，一定有。

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但我想要嘅，唔係得把口，得個諗字嘅付出。

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「夠啦，唔好再講。你係咪就係想嗌交嗌贏我？」琳琳一遇既往咁大鬧想結束呢場爭執。

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如果係之前嘅話，我一定唔再同佢嘈。

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但今次我想堅決啲，我想搵到我哋之間嘅答案。

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「如果我話係呢？」

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「咁我哋就分手。」

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分手…

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乜原來呢兩個字係咁易講出口…

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曾經講過嘅海枯石爛，曾經發誓過嘅山盟海誓，原來到頭來換嚟嘅只係兩個字。

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分手。

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我仲記得我同琳琳第一次喺大學見面，一齊上堂，一齊嘻嘻哈哈，到大家遇到挫折，互相安慰，互相傾訴而發展嘅戀情曾經充滿住希望同夢想如同燦爛嘅煙火。

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究竟係由幾時開始，呢段感情逐漸變得暗淡無光…

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係因為琳琳嘅冷漠喺我哋之間形成咗一道牆將我哋之間嘅愛隔絕？

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係因為琳琳總係希望過住奢華嘅生活方式同我價值觀唔同？

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係因為琳琳對我唔上心，寧願用錢去同其他人享受？

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我唔知。

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畢竟曾經嘅我寧願選擇默默承受，迫自己去搵錢希望俾琳琳一個安定嘅生活，都唔敢切實踏出第一步去解決我哋兩個之間嘅問題。

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我又有咩資格話佢？

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老實講我聽到琳琳話分手，我第一下反應係呆咗，但心中卻沒有一絲憤怒，反而從未試過咁平靜。或者我一早已經感覺到琳琳嘅心已經唔係我身邊，咁樣嘅結果係咪一早就已經係我預料之中呢？「好啊，我哋分手啦。」我輕聲回答，心中空洞無一，彷彿呢段感情好早已經死去。

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我好清楚我到而家呢一刻都仲鍾意緊琳琳，但一次又一次對我嘅忽視，一次又一次嘅毫不在意，就好似一支又一支無形嘅箭射喺我身上。我都係人，我好攰，唔想再為咗呢一切獨自承受。

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錯嘅未必係佢，亦未必係我，愛情從來係冇分對錯。

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但既然佢唔自在，我又無法承受，咁或者呢個都係個解決方法。

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琳琳一愣，顯然冇諗過我會咁答：「你、你點可以咁講㗎？你點可以咁輕易就話分手！？」

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「乜唔係你提出嚟嘅咩？我攰喇，我唔想再挽留你。」

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「…你係咪出面有第二個女人？沈詩怡？定係仲有其他人…」

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「對唔住，琳琳。係我俾唔到你想要嘅生活。呢排我會去阿謙屋企住住先，你執齊啲嘢就走喇。再見，保重。」我頭也不回向住門口方向進發。

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「對唔住，我錯啦…」琳琳想要急切咁挽回我，跑過嚟喺後面攬實我道：「你唔好嬲啦，好冇？我以後都唔會亂洗錢㗎啦…我改，我試吓改」

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我靜靜咁望住佢，心中卻沒有一絲波瀾。因為我知道琳琳又喺度扮反省，逃避現實…佢唔係第一次㗎啦，太明顯喇…跟住佢就會撒嬌，然後開始摸我…

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「我愛你，皓晨。我會改㗎，好冇…？」琳琳隻手開始唔安份咁撫摸小皓晨，但今次我唔可以再信佢，我下定決心要為我自己活着，為自己爭取一次，就算結果會好差。

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「停手啦。」我狠心撥開佢雙手大聲怒吼道：「唔好再呃自己！去努力追求我俾唔到你嘅生活喇。」

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琳琳嘅眼中閃過驚訝同焦急，慌張中帶有一點絕望：「我想要嘅生活係你呀！俾我哋試多一次啊？」

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「我早就試過。」我心中默念，但唔再講出口。

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「咁、咁我出去吖？你聽日仲要返工，快啲去瞓覺！」琳琳急忙講完就喺門口跑咗出去。

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望住琳琳嘅身影消失喺我視野之中，我感覺到嘅係一種前所未有嘅輕鬆。

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或者咁就係結束嘅最好方式。

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我肯定會唔捨得，但唔踏出第一步係唔會有改變。

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愛火熄滅，留底嘅只有冷冷嘅餘燼。

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（待續）

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第五十章

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