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I was only nine.
Just nine.
I remember, Ma and Pa said that going with the Donnor's was best.
That it would be quicker.
Safer.
But I didn't know any better, I thought they knew best!
I wish I yelled at them
I wish I screamed at them that we needed to go the other route.
But I didn't, because they knew best.
And then the winter came.
Oh lord...it was awful.
Can that even describe it?
I'd never seen anything like that, we were all starving.
I thought I was gonna die...I was so hungry.
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Ma--Ma died first, when the starvation hit.
The baby needed nursing...and every food she had eiether went to us or that baby.
Lord, she looked like a skeleton when she died.
I remember crying, "Ma, don't stay asleep. You have to wake up for supper."
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The next night Pa said he'd found...a...nice...Ox for us....
But Pa was an awful liar, and I could see him cry: He couldn't eat it.
I thought I wouldn't be able to eiether, I mean, how could I? But I was:
S o h u n g r y
I thought it would be awful. I thought I would have to choke it down, or throw up.
But it...was...
D e l i c i o u s .
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I wanted more.
No, I needed more.
Whatever it took, I had to have more.
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Pa went out next, with a few others in the expedition.
To try and find saftey, or help, or anything.
Pa didn't come back, but he gave me his locket that had all of us in it.
He died...alone....
But at least niether of them had to know what I did.
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And then the baby...Lord...why did I do it? It had been four days since I had eaten, and--and the baby would have died, anyway!
We all knew that, it was sick and starving!
And alI could think about was eating.
All I could think about was having that delicious...meat--I could taste it in my mouth!
I shouldn't have done it.
I shouldn't have given into my hunger.
I shouldn't have hurt him.
Why did I do it...? I c a m e t o h i m , w i t h a n i c e b i g r o c k .
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I-I lied to everyone that my little brother had been attacked by a wild animal...that I had already dug a grave.
I said they shouldn't look at it, because he was half-eaten. Well that part was true. Oh heavens...I really am a monster, aren't I? And after that...there was no going back.
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No way to stop.
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I woke up screaming that night from pain, it felt like my body was getting stretched...and I could feel my teeth getting bigger, sharper.
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And somehow, the winter just got worse.
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So many died.
My brother died.
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My sister died.
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Strangers died.
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A n d I a t e t h e m a l l
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The more I ate, the more it consumed me.
I couldn't think of anything else, or care about anything else, other then the precious Meat.
The hunger was all of me.
I got rescued, and I even almost looked like myself, other then being just a little too tall, my teeth a little too sharp.
But the thing that got rescued wasn't Arthur Miller.
Not anymore.
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I wish I had died with them.
Well...in some ways I did265Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ98Mqd1wc6O
