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366Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdSpWnXPCjD
366Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxyDWV4hrTm
絕大多數的時候，我偏好一個人做園藝工作。366Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡM71JAPW4rW
366Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMkxiN8emGO
我喜歡一個人待在花園，邊做邊寧靜地沉浸於大自然之中。當然，我做園藝的時候也會思考些事情，這段寧靜的片刻我來說是一種享受。366Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡclaqA39O9h
366Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEnQrvP2W09
我本身喜歡上園藝的原因，是來自姆姆告訴過我們的一個比喻，我很喜歡那個比喻：如果要成為修道之人，或者當我們要開始靈修生活時，至尊陛下最多能做的只有除去一塊荒地上的雜亂野草，播下好種子。剩下的工作得由我們自己進行。我們必須盡心盡力當個好園丁，用心澆水，照顧好這些植物，使之成長並盛開，愉悅我們的上主。這樣一來，祂便會時常來到賞心悅目的花園中，而我們也因此從中得到喜悅。366Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡT6BnehhsdE
366Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡseDu7Fuvvf
一想到這，我便更加努力照料身旁的花園和菜園，豐富四周環境的同時也豐富自己的心靈，如此還能夠接近上主，這不是一舉數得嗎？366Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgWgDillo60
366Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2YvmVl5g8x
只不過，現在的我卻像是以翻整花園為目的，來逃避一個天大的煩惱。366Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdlHaDmCGXt
366Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2ZHYnt89uL
「自己想要的東西......是嗎？」366Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYEpnoBi9XT
366Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS3XdXKEcfS
以前生活在修道院的時候，我好像從未這麼煩惱過。366Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡivY93wMfsw
366Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIY1RMEbbMU
每位修女都視之為己任，打苦鞭、守嚴齋、祈禱、抄寫經文等等，持續地向至尊陛下祈求。就這樣每天過著心靈充實的日子。366Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmp91BcaZ8K
366Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnBWZ10tI4W
如今我每日不僅得和各種各樣誘惑對抗，還有個純真的小王子詢問我究竟想要什麼。我又不希望殘忍拒絕殿下的好意，真叫人苦惱吶。366Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡysQtz5DSez
366Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaVGnL8LdDq
「唉......」366Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUBmRENVzDQ
366Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUns6uqa0QI
我沉浸於雜亂的思緒中，漸漸停下手邊的翻土作業，感覺到汗水從額頭沿著臉頰滑落下來。我用手背抹去了汗水，然後輕嘆了一口氣。366Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDC1O5bEr0y
366Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHg8G9Zs4lI
明明只要當場拒絕獅族王子殿下的好意，並表示自己全心全意為至尊陛下奉獻就好；為什麼當時我卻沒有這麼做呢？366Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhHTaYQ65EE
366Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8AEsLV9puJ
是由於殿下的語氣充滿真摯的純潔與無邪嗎？366Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡr2uW8zsewQ
366Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5FlnXDJ5NZ
是由於殿下對待他人的時候總是膽大心細嗎？366Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwtVDi3sy7W
366Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHIHd3YQtZy
「唉......」366Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ30yKcWjS9u
366Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqsZBK0sLjf
「海倫娜，妳怎麼在唉聲嘆氣的？」366Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuUdKFvRHGV
366Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjHkB3psEwC
就在此時，熟悉的桑音自我身後響起。366Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0jN48irtgJ
366Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9uSD5KY6bb
「奧絲雅，妳好呀。騎士團的鍛鍊結束了嗎？」366Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡa6q5bLNKkd
366Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxCIdKhVWX4
我轉過頭的時候勉強勾起嘴角露出微笑，但不是很成功。366Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEbPBIC1PHT
366Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGkfIYKLXTL
「妳在煩惱些什麼嗎？」366Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡc3jyBlG4zd
366Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfuFplpjr3v
奧絲雅馬上便察覺到我只是在強顏歡笑。366Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeBxGog3NOs
366Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkd6L4zVfyY
「不愧是奧絲雅，一下就被看出來了。」我苦笑。366Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡP6cbeiplSb
366Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwgCsq0UWWd
「該不會那隻毛茸茸的大貓咪強迫妳做討厭的事情了？還是他趁著暖床的時候對妳毛手毛腳？我去教訓他！」366Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ51FKyEY8ea
366Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGiK36sSnGo
「不用擔心。殿下是一位很紳士的人，他沒有對我做出失禮的事情。」366Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTlLtArp282
366Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCOj2V8PXKB
經奧絲雅這麼提醒，我回想起來半夜時分我們倆常常會和殿下緊貼在一起(有幾次殿下還差點因奧絲雅奇差無比的睡姿抱得太緊而窒息！)。366Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYwzrFbA3Cz
366Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAu73AsdXiv
半夢半醒之中，我感覺到殿下胯下的部位好像有點熱熱硬硬的凸起物…...算了，那應該是我的錯覺吧？366Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡc0vlVS9WZa
366Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrIjgxcbxkJ
畢竟那個部位又沒有任何東西。366Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4tuzVG01U3
366Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpXLTbjUkFv
「真的沒發生什麼事。」366Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnRB7FZ0lau
366Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZJ3ogzN1VI
所以我決定暫時撇下這個疑惑。366Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYpbAfrgy8r
366Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡt70wZxYe4l
「只是......殿下確實給我出了個難題。」366Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZQPQxUjUdm
366Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLv9TBaaQXk
我對奧絲雅講述前幾天發生的事，其中也包括我找不到真心希望得到的事物。366Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡc3qdH1HhN9
366Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiPl1K4lQv2
「畢竟妳總是那麼善良。」奧絲雅說：「像妳這麼忠貞的修女怎麼可能會有私慾呢？那隻小笨貓到底在問啥呀。」366Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9m2z5TE3zN
366Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZwbbTVfBMJ
「呵呵，奧絲雅，我可沒如此高尚。像我這樣的小女子，軟弱又沒什麼剛毅可言。天主賜予恩寵引領我，如祂現在所做的，我認為已是對我莫大的恩典。」我補充道說：「再者，殿下也是一番好意嘛。」366Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEeKpkYlU2h
366Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4OVV3t5zi2
「可是妳再繼續煩惱下去也不是辦法，妳體內會累積壞的體液喔，到時候生病的話可得不償失。」366Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡc2OnftrgMG
366Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqR623dQK57
「的確，假使積累太多黑膽汁(Black bile)的話，真會讓人感到抑鬱寡歡呢。」366Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyBlyfPr0fn
366Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3xypH0bqfC
「我看妳最近一直忙著整理花園，要不偶爾也去做點其他事情，如何呢？」366Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYv1GJMQCkw
366Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡD40ZXkNgHq
「其他事情？」366Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkaVvROnDMt
366Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡa6OSXz7SgR
「對呀，看是要出外走走散心或大口吃肉忘掉煩惱......啊，不好意思，妳身為赤足修院的修女要守齋戒。」366Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQHaMv2sme2
366Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYo6gPfSeHY
「散散心嗎......嗯，也許我真的不該為一個問題而過度鑽牛角尖，或許換個方法，換個角度來思考，才可以想的到解決之道呢」366Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTcMAjbq61k
366Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8ZahL8HeVr
「那麼要不要陪我去城外晃晃嘞？」奧絲雅很開心地問我。366Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAF6sgf6m5V
366Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLUMlwRrVhg
「下次吧。」我說：「我想要久違的讓自己清醒一下呢。也許是太久沒有做那件事，腦袋都有些不靈光了呢。」366Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡF6Y3YC9wFK
366Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSk3POQg2QH
「哪件事？」366Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvgKRRcCeT1
366Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡa4pT1ZQE2q
「當然是足以叫人靈魂為之振奮，讓整個人都感覺通體舒暢、徹底清醒的一帖良方囉。它對於動腦袋思考可是很有幫助的唷，奧絲雅你也一起來試試吧！」366Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9dINQ07LI8
366Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlf23jeo1mL
「妳難道是指——」366Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxoTYpOzySR
366Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGwbAbtidjQ
我邊說邊雙手一拍，發出啪的清脆聲響。366Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWbSUyCQDwz
366Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqYgtGleqj6
「打.苦.鞭。」366Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8rCysJd5qA
366Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡM3HH19dTSu
＊＊＊366Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUq3OuDxgzh
366Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCsrX5w3ARM
咻——劈啪！366Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxQTBgIrFMO
366Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡru9Us0J72o
每當我單手往後一揮，空氣便會發出一聲呼嘯作響，隨即傳來的則是清脆的聲響。366Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBmHcDg83JJ
366Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6KuGSmGkpc
咻——劈啪！366Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ39N0YGD1rF
366Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvoru7BqPEq
每當綁了節的粗繩鞭抽打在我的後背上，我便感受到如同火燒且入骨的痛楚。366Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ662VS1hon4
366Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxdeKa1n8tR
咻——劈啪！366Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEU0NwS5ftK
366Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJwsyFG4g5F
此時此刻，我正獨自跪坐在〈白城〉城堡內的小聖堂內，一邊手持苦鞭鞭打自己，一邊靜默地禱告著。366Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkNoHrjLJKI
366Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBYh3xu67L3
我每一次都使勁全力揮舞苦鞭，都以極大力道鞭笞我的背部，盡可能為我的肉體帶來極大的痛楚感，並在這過程中驅逐一切貪念、困惑、慾望，以及最重要的——以自身受苦受難來救贖人類在世間的苦難，並且更接近至尊陛下。366Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQzkAI1VoV6
366Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVrRjSZzwT3
咻——劈啪！366Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡx1urjFrl42
366Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAN4klupxFc
「哼嗯......」366Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCkitNIawDU
366Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOBlpLgjtJ1
糟糕，我居然在打苦鞭時發出悶哼聲，難道是內心的專注力變得渙散嗎？366Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5psLjHIFBx
366Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡB82aETyL3k
自從離開修道院後，我的人生便發生劇烈的改變。許許多多無法理解的事情一波接著一波襲來，讓我都快應付不來了——而這還是我自己造成的！366Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡs1TPG16lPE
366Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNFbQTN0Jzj
姆姆曾說過，為了使我們這些羔羊的靈魂靠向自由和卓越的全德，需要非常刻苦的努力。但是，卻不能在短時間內修成。所以我和姊妹們以剛毅的心祈求苦難，或者，更精確地說，我們的至尊陛下賜予我們剛毅，願意為祂受苦，因為這是我們的渴望。366Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡADYyK1eJnx
366Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIuzJfe00RQ
可是一離開修道院後，我才發現世俗世界的苦難比想像中還要多，而這些都是姆姆過去極力避免我們所接觸的。我不怪她，因為這之中不只有苦難，還有各種各樣慾念在我周遭作崇並嘗試引誘我。366Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeQjuQFqr26
366Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLTdDAlizNo
我深信這是至尊陛下給予我的一個巨大的考驗，比起待在封閉的修道院裡頭更能測試我對祂的忠誠......我難不成做了錯誤的決定嗎？366Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqVbYzOWe69
366Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSzVmaGsNKU
不行不行，我得專心於打苦鞭才行，沉浸於疼痛的喜悅才是。366Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ85L4vqA4vB
366Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqqfliIS273
咻——劈啪！366Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEaoVHuY7Uy
366Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyY4zZrA4a6
只要鞭打得更用力......366Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡohmHYA2iFt
366Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQNCorQMzRc
咻——劈啪！366Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyILJLmt82s
366Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFQ4mICzQ8v
讓身體更痛......366Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg8Reja1tsz
366Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5kvKJmOztv
咻——劈啪！366Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXwuLMVEUNE
366Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ18q4PADBi0
就能夠忘卻一切......366Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVxfh7hQiBu
366Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7XiE4JWg4k
咻——366Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGKwHm0HpDM
366Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3icyFl47IY
突然間，苦鞭劃破空氣的聲音，為我的腦袋內帶來靈光一閃。366Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxVWyv4Ji1G
366Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1XYGMILZOn
假使換個方式思考，眼前這個難題不就和離開修道院這件一模一樣嗎？當初居住於修道院內過著封閉的生活，確實是一種精進內心靈性的方式。但那只不過是閉上眼不去觀看外界的苦難罷了。366Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUwFyGnHfop
366Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdIOZCSZtgE
如果我試圖迴避殿下的這個問題，豈不是在封閉住心靈而不去正視問題嗎？如此一來它將纏著我不放，成為我內在與外在的苦痛與擾亂。366Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWhkHPGAeN5
366Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE6p9SqgtBA
咻——劈啪！366Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5pZqDjXuCC
366Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3gWmCsDpWB
再一次，苦鞭飛舞的聲響提醒我某個事物。366Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5Rc2oK0Lz6
366Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQiJPAxyuGR
沒有錯，只要找到真心想要的事物並告訴殿下，就能夠永遠解決問題！這並非滿足私慾，而是開拓更寬廣順暢的修道之路啊！366Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbwWTBjLJXr
366Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡABrGWlAL6G
咻——劈啪！366Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkLzgsQj1uU
366Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡucPkRE1O2a
而那事物原本模糊的形象，彷彿在一次又一次的鞭笞更加清晰可見！366Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKyCdokNsR1
366Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVfXWIQNHXy
更多！更多！更多的苦鞭！
