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381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJNfwSptRVf
381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYOWmKzN2tt
絕大多數的時候，我偏好一個人做園藝工作。381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOjWSSiDx3U
381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAWubm3OgsD
我喜歡一個人待在花園，邊做邊寧靜地沉浸於大自然之中。當然，我做園藝的時候也會思考些事情，這段寧靜的片刻我來說是一種享受。381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAImEJfI7Hs
381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMeM0wAgJSP
我本身喜歡上園藝的原因，是來自姆姆告訴過我們的一個比喻，我很喜歡那個比喻：如果要成為修道之人，或者當我們要開始靈修生活時，至尊陛下最多能做的只有除去一塊荒地上的雜亂野草，播下好種子。剩下的工作得由我們自己進行。我們必須盡心盡力當個好園丁，用心澆水，照顧好這些植物，使之成長並盛開，愉悅我們的上主。這樣一來，祂便會時常來到賞心悅目的花園中，而我們也因此從中得到喜悅。381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2li9brDGXZ
381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2JjzJc4uzz
一想到這，我便更加努力照料身旁的花園和菜園，豐富四周環境的同時也豐富自己的心靈，如此還能夠接近上主，這不是一舉數得嗎？381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQpWQtAaW8t
381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcfZL3NWfIT
只不過，現在的我卻像是以翻整花園為目的，來逃避一個天大的煩惱。381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡniCAtHnBCk
381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡn2ksacCrMU
「自己想要的東西......是嗎？」381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHjGWqx1K1u
381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3AKv9dqsvt
以前生活在修道院的時候，我好像從未這麼煩惱過。381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9MH9qxJ991
381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYCqJs8N093
每位修女都視之為己任，打苦鞭、守嚴齋、祈禱、抄寫經文等等，持續地向至尊陛下祈求。就這樣每天過著心靈充實的日子。381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVxJxPGAmbv
381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGyVSL0MHqG
如今我每日不僅得和各種各樣誘惑對抗，還有個純真的小王子詢問我究竟想要什麼。我又不希望殘忍拒絕殿下的好意，真叫人苦惱吶。381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVFr3Fklb5P
381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡk2ohHfTH1U
「唉......」381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡr0L5upge6a
381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnrIQvVF0TA
我沉浸於雜亂的思緒中，漸漸停下手邊的翻土作業，感覺到汗水從額頭沿著臉頰滑落下來。我用手背抹去了汗水，然後輕嘆了一口氣。381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpTknPqTTJk
381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjXNKHcj28c
明明只要當場拒絕獅族王子殿下的好意，並表示自己全心全意為至尊陛下奉獻就好；為什麼當時我卻沒有這麼做呢？381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ46uCUWi7gO
381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡG1mWPsGZ9C
是由於殿下的語氣充滿真摯的純潔與無邪嗎？381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4xOL7QEE7X
381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgCzmNrLPPZ
是由於殿下對待他人的時候總是膽大心細嗎？381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡodJYHe0P2M
381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfvqQrCetZZ
「唉......」381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPS8ZSiAEHY
381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhlGqQSb4mc
「海倫娜，妳怎麼在唉聲嘆氣的？」381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlcLaoB267X
381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxhJIVLgNuZ
就在此時，熟悉的桑音自我身後響起。381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZPbDzJItEX
381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKLnpwSZW2q
「奧絲雅，妳好呀。騎士團的鍛鍊結束了嗎？」381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ842YMLwzei
381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOm7qHzCp4e
我轉過頭的時候勉強勾起嘴角露出微笑，但不是很成功。381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡn6VvvQx6Fv
381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1GQK4hmaSX
「妳在煩惱些什麼嗎？」381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡf6nRJxoGAa
381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqfpi6irjgy
奧絲雅馬上便察覺到我只是在強顏歡笑。381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgVh0yF1dTf
381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTuieb3ZmYm
「不愧是奧絲雅，一下就被看出來了。」我苦笑。381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFLBeZ5PIrq
381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWiXo2xwBxf
「該不會那隻毛茸茸的大貓咪強迫妳做討厭的事情了？還是他趁著暖床的時候對妳毛手毛腳？我去教訓他！」381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCVqupLxSkJ
381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡG7lwLHSZVx
「不用擔心。殿下是一位很紳士的人，他沒有對我做出失禮的事情。」381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsgJJkhd6nD
381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbPnqj9QyQI
經奧絲雅這麼提醒，我回想起來半夜時分我們倆常常會和殿下緊貼在一起(有幾次殿下還差點因奧絲雅奇差無比的睡姿抱得太緊而窒息！)。381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡh5q8DGGsVg
381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXfw4OMoXtj
半夢半醒之中，我感覺到殿下胯下的部位好像有點熱熱硬硬的凸起物…...算了，那應該是我的錯覺吧？381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuyNEW0thjU
381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡraS9AMiODm
畢竟那個部位又沒有任何東西。381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡb2Pkfnhw0k
381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJDujqzdxEL
「真的沒發生什麼事。」381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxV92XhNC2m
381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1CVqOFxFtx
所以我決定暫時撇下這個疑惑。381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMtO555BGm1
381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoRY7qpuKkv
「只是......殿下確實給我出了個難題。」381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡe0F3wCjae4
381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTIFKRyJw0u
我對奧絲雅講述前幾天發生的事，其中也包括我找不到真心希望得到的事物。381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFKCvh5umzR
381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡolNwrZNSA9
「畢竟妳總是那麼善良。」奧絲雅說：「像妳這麼忠貞的修女怎麼可能會有私慾呢？那隻小笨貓到底在問啥呀。」381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡweb1KKTlUo
381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgJW8alx2cj
「呵呵，奧絲雅，我可沒如此高尚。像我這樣的小女子，軟弱又沒什麼剛毅可言。天主賜予恩寵引領我，如祂現在所做的，我認為已是對我莫大的恩典。」我補充道說：「再者，殿下也是一番好意嘛。」381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbrzNVPywy3
381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwoiFMJLSwi
「可是妳再繼續煩惱下去也不是辦法，妳體內會累積壞的體液喔，到時候生病的話可得不償失。」381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡT3n1zfpA90
381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvqnGgSn4TW
「的確，假使積累太多黑膽汁(Black bile)的話，真會讓人感到抑鬱寡歡呢。」381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbdcM3gEg60
381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOn68SkIhGQ
「我看妳最近一直忙著整理花園，要不偶爾也去做點其他事情，如何呢？」381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡey3C1JHKpQ
381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxqavuhnhMF
「其他事情？」381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4ADpSjZZRZ
381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8ebtAcJSbx
「對呀，看是要出外走走散心或大口吃肉忘掉煩惱......啊，不好意思，妳身為赤足修院的修女要守齋戒。」381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAsxbC91ADM
381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtPC5pQCCSy
「散散心嗎......嗯，也許我真的不該為一個問題而過度鑽牛角尖，或許換個方法，換個角度來思考，才可以想的到解決之道呢」381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡz0N1dbnzke
381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4ywJA8V6tZ
「那麼要不要陪我去城外晃晃嘞？」奧絲雅很開心地問我。381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1DEsHaCkXz
381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRq525gxwzJ
「下次吧。」我說：「我想要久違的讓自己清醒一下呢。也許是太久沒有做那件事，腦袋都有些不靈光了呢。」381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5CNSiSWo3y
381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVsd2sgaFDo
「哪件事？」381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWlHdBYyUnY
381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmw4XLm97Z3
「當然是足以叫人靈魂為之振奮，讓整個人都感覺通體舒暢、徹底清醒的一帖良方囉。它對於動腦袋思考可是很有幫助的唷，奧絲雅你也一起來試試吧！」381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡT6GVuZxQeC
381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjDiISEI69d
「妳難道是指——」381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCOHhDu0Hax
381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmIPvtBSO60
我邊說邊雙手一拍，發出啪的清脆聲響。381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡevpOjK1EHY
381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsAN4nUZqQg
「打.苦.鞭。」381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKuoRlaCz7N
381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡglRrAypqml
＊＊＊381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEoaIvubrv4
381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6DQ4fXrdFm
咻——劈啪！381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW2LMMSeuw9
381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxRddFTb3g2
每當我單手往後一揮，空氣便會發出一聲呼嘯作響，隨即傳來的則是清脆的聲響。381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaaXlElgV2c
381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡu97mEpynB5
咻——劈啪！381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡp34UQEebeS
381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡt7B1ykB7Gn
每當綁了節的粗繩鞭抽打在我的後背上，我便感受到如同火燒且入骨的痛楚。381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlZQD9EgMR3
381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpTgn7B7mz7
咻——劈啪！381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWXZv15O7p8
381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4Zox1fvqTJ
此時此刻，我正獨自跪坐在〈白城〉城堡內的小聖堂內，一邊手持苦鞭鞭打自己，一邊靜默地禱告著。381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZHY7Z4rSBm
381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHPBBLnwoJE
我每一次都使勁全力揮舞苦鞭，都以極大力道鞭笞我的背部，盡可能為我的肉體帶來極大的痛楚感，並在這過程中驅逐一切貪念、困惑、慾望，以及最重要的——以自身受苦受難來救贖人類在世間的苦難，並且更接近至尊陛下。381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6eJFf8Z9Is
381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlED98sVJvI
咻——劈啪！381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1u1Lspvx0Q
381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ52SRhL5TOO
「哼嗯......」381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjgslihhxok
381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd99ULpgj9z
糟糕，我居然在打苦鞭時發出悶哼聲，難道是內心的專注力變得渙散嗎？381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeNb3KbTlb0
381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmxmTujoqml
自從離開修道院後，我的人生便發生劇烈的改變。許許多多無法理解的事情一波接著一波襲來，讓我都快應付不來了——而這還是我自己造成的！381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaN7yZdsN3W
381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFUJNp5Qh8f
姆姆曾說過，為了使我們這些羔羊的靈魂靠向自由和卓越的全德，需要非常刻苦的努力。但是，卻不能在短時間內修成。所以我和姊妹們以剛毅的心祈求苦難，或者，更精確地說，我們的至尊陛下賜予我們剛毅，願意為祂受苦，因為這是我們的渴望。381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5VIDcEb76R
381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ295GpHyJXe
可是一離開修道院後，我才發現世俗世界的苦難比想像中還要多，而這些都是姆姆過去極力避免我們所接觸的。我不怪她，因為這之中不只有苦難，還有各種各樣慾念在我周遭作崇並嘗試引誘我。381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjnASQXRfgt
381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVZF036STeW
我深信這是至尊陛下給予我的一個巨大的考驗，比起待在封閉的修道院裡頭更能測試我對祂的忠誠......我難不成做了錯誤的決定嗎？381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3PXQYsKsRv
381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2g3oz0hhX7
不行不行，我得專心於打苦鞭才行，沉浸於疼痛的喜悅才是。381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0wsTT7tGt3
381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡO3S6mmldpQ
咻——劈啪！381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNDD6NbDS1h
381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfCGqfnMItW
只要鞭打得更用力......381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡo0s3mcJtzb
381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡl6Gsd1UaPz
咻——劈啪！381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡacIScuUKSN
381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKoxjqYASNr
讓身體更痛......381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrW5sNs8zU3
381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiaS78zSxSh
咻——劈啪！381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbi8CoL6p9s
381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzUHL3m1vKT
就能夠忘卻一切......381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡz7gULFAAqu
381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwrkHhPgsEe
咻——381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJWnqMZ62gF
381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJHNYdID8mM
突然間，苦鞭劃破空氣的聲音，為我的腦袋內帶來靈光一閃。381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8l95HXIqpB
381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbJp2Y7SRmv
假使換個方式思考，眼前這個難題不就和離開修道院這件一模一樣嗎？當初居住於修道院內過著封閉的生活，確實是一種精進內心靈性的方式。但那只不過是閉上眼不去觀看外界的苦難罷了。381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS1DRZeUXYq
381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdiNWTpq4vx
如果我試圖迴避殿下的這個問題，豈不是在封閉住心靈而不去正視問題嗎？如此一來它將纏著我不放，成為我內在與外在的苦痛與擾亂。381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvkYEWqHvza
381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKTNURh7Agf
咻——劈啪！381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCSg6FkDSuy
381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfpH60zLoqr
再一次，苦鞭飛舞的聲響提醒我某個事物。381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFfqJZupp6C
381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoxE68EHHQP
沒有錯，只要找到真心想要的事物並告訴殿下，就能夠永遠解決問題！這並非滿足私慾，而是開拓更寬廣順暢的修道之路啊！381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq5V4DlsvhY
381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMRkd1uARY2
咻——劈啪！381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡw2UaPGeFWj
381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuYl8zNIQCs
而那事物原本模糊的形象，彷彿在一次又一次的鞭笞更加清晰可見！381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJMmutmTCIs
381Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ728rDtvUH8
更多！更多！更多的苦鞭！
