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372Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6A3hqmK098
372Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTCYZetLXgO
絕大多數的時候，我偏好一個人做園藝工作。372Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡx8lhs5unOn
372Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBRpYqM2Ow4
我喜歡一個人待在花園，邊做邊寧靜地沉浸於大自然之中。當然，我做園藝的時候也會思考些事情，這段寧靜的片刻我來說是一種享受。372Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUqFEHrZWgz
372Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDRzz1Ji872
我本身喜歡上園藝的原因，是來自姆姆告訴過我們的一個比喻，我很喜歡那個比喻：如果要成為修道之人，或者當我們要開始靈修生活時，至尊陛下最多能做的只有除去一塊荒地上的雜亂野草，播下好種子。剩下的工作得由我們自己進行。我們必須盡心盡力當個好園丁，用心澆水，照顧好這些植物，使之成長並盛開，愉悅我們的上主。這樣一來，祂便會時常來到賞心悅目的花園中，而我們也因此從中得到喜悅。372Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUHRaaLFRxQ
372Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡml8S85BRIL
一想到這，我便更加努力照料身旁的花園和菜園，豐富四周環境的同時也豐富自己的心靈，如此還能夠接近上主，這不是一舉數得嗎？372Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡl0jtaxj7b2
372Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOSDJksLIOI
只不過，現在的我卻像是以翻整花園為目的，來逃避一個天大的煩惱。372Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlc9Fq4R4cT
372Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAuuTDMyTXS
「自己想要的東西......是嗎？」372Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0QMcdlSRfi
372Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzP3BztNhgH
以前生活在修道院的時候，我好像從未這麼煩惱過。372Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiDZ5w4KbOZ
372Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡN8X9QMlm0q
每位修女都視之為己任，打苦鞭、守嚴齋、祈禱、抄寫經文等等，持續地向至尊陛下祈求。就這樣每天過著心靈充實的日子。372Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQWM445vUCG
372Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6mDHGfblVF
如今我每日不僅得和各種各樣誘惑對抗，還有個純真的小王子詢問我究竟想要什麼。我又不希望殘忍拒絕殿下的好意，真叫人苦惱吶。372Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfUilqNd4dO
372Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡamJn9iCQ5O
「唉......」372Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFU1Kg776eF
372Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKsWLJkqweI
我沉浸於雜亂的思緒中，漸漸停下手邊的翻土作業，感覺到汗水從額頭沿著臉頰滑落下來。我用手背抹去了汗水，然後輕嘆了一口氣。372Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡG0rGGErYiU
372Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeuoC1NrHQO
明明只要當場拒絕獅族王子殿下的好意，並表示自己全心全意為至尊陛下奉獻就好；為什麼當時我卻沒有這麼做呢？372Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqGo6LRt5KW
372Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2KzpLeeIC8
是由於殿下的語氣充滿真摯的純潔與無邪嗎？372Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZrdVlisu4E
372Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFwPQgMOt1q
是由於殿下對待他人的時候總是膽大心細嗎？372Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1rCEDhShWw
372Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjO4FdBqjpI
「唉......」372Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3fWbOtDc0l
372Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrmQc70abwH
「海倫娜，妳怎麼在唉聲嘆氣的？」372Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbvnVlU03Ct
372Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHbLylCSDuU
就在此時，熟悉的桑音自我身後響起。372Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm1GAHZsF1Y
372Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡH2jbUU7mkV
「奧絲雅，妳好呀。騎士團的鍛鍊結束了嗎？」372Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiPmemUmzmO
372Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOTYGcct5Kr
我轉過頭的時候勉強勾起嘴角露出微笑，但不是很成功。372Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxtfF8MafTF
372Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAfvpBJxY1r
「妳在煩惱些什麼嗎？」372Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡumFUEuPlK9
372Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaP6oEIBRRw
奧絲雅馬上便察覺到我只是在強顏歡笑。372Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEXPKpmAHiO
372Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡodsNcMAwb6
「不愧是奧絲雅，一下就被看出來了。」我苦笑。372Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡi64umpgCpk
372Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwrUjVNPbRo
「該不會那隻毛茸茸的大貓咪強迫妳做討厭的事情了？還是他趁著暖床的時候對妳毛手毛腳？我去教訓他！」372Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQqFaYB6yMW
372Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡj0KIw5cW5I
「不用擔心。殿下是一位很紳士的人，他沒有對我做出失禮的事情。」372Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ34mNc6h8Oo
372Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbNFVzBKjPq
經奧絲雅這麼提醒，我回想起來半夜時分我們倆常常會和殿下緊貼在一起(有幾次殿下還差點因奧絲雅奇差無比的睡姿抱得太緊而窒息！)。372Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBgetHOa4iy
372Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPHwGEI1O5l
半夢半醒之中，我感覺到殿下胯下的部位好像有點熱熱硬硬的凸起物…...算了，那應該是我的錯覺吧？372Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡt5xNRkIFrx
372Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdUIlKoGqCr
畢竟那個部位又沒有任何東西。372Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡN5or2pRqis
372Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4HcRTscnk7
「真的沒發生什麼事。」372Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMKH52c47Et
372Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtrAF81EKf0
所以我決定暫時撇下這個疑惑。372Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjpOXSZ9dic
372Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡV9U0ktwDyW
「只是......殿下確實給我出了個難題。」372Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwNJ4q8L9JI
372Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡftTDzsJuKY
我對奧絲雅講述前幾天發生的事，其中也包括我找不到真心希望得到的事物。372Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSo8LkmRyAt
372Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡII0auDmd6x
「畢竟妳總是那麼善良。」奧絲雅說：「像妳這麼忠貞的修女怎麼可能會有私慾呢？那隻小笨貓到底在問啥呀。」372Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcAJJdSOF59
372Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5SlQKh0VIy
「呵呵，奧絲雅，我可沒如此高尚。像我這樣的小女子，軟弱又沒什麼剛毅可言。天主賜予恩寵引領我，如祂現在所做的，我認為已是對我莫大的恩典。」我補充道說：「再者，殿下也是一番好意嘛。」372Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzPX2PSso1f
372Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4WrGnVzYPT
「可是妳再繼續煩惱下去也不是辦法，妳體內會累積壞的體液喔，到時候生病的話可得不償失。」372Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMZMgt1Gjq0
372Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4X5CR87lJg
「的確，假使積累太多黑膽汁(Black bile)的話，真會讓人感到抑鬱寡歡呢。」372Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZH2LYO3RQn
372Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsVW4k1W7OF
「我看妳最近一直忙著整理花園，要不偶爾也去做點其他事情，如何呢？」372Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrOs4m5rPHv
372Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOfzdAzeGXK
「其他事情？」372Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoMjWW8YJOM
372Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUY6Fw8rwl4
「對呀，看是要出外走走散心或大口吃肉忘掉煩惱......啊，不好意思，妳身為赤足修院的修女要守齋戒。」372Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡn4GBBfznUZ
372Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNiq7jvakNW
「散散心嗎......嗯，也許我真的不該為一個問題而過度鑽牛角尖，或許換個方法，換個角度來思考，才可以想的到解決之道呢」372Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvLqYTAUtPL
372Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6cJxJiUjMw
「那麼要不要陪我去城外晃晃嘞？」奧絲雅很開心地問我。372Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyz5Ig5F0Hq
372Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8uxAsGB5VW
「下次吧。」我說：「我想要久違的讓自己清醒一下呢。也許是太久沒有做那件事，腦袋都有些不靈光了呢。」372Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡa3bbfbIc2S
372Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡV85ML42rp3
「哪件事？」372Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsLVSJfUcgx
372Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTaw3dQhBet
「當然是足以叫人靈魂為之振奮，讓整個人都感覺通體舒暢、徹底清醒的一帖良方囉。它對於動腦袋思考可是很有幫助的唷，奧絲雅你也一起來試試吧！」372Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ99yUipkl9Q
372Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuoWZ0gL2BY
「妳難道是指——」372Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXXl33CceFq
372Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6yEtIpeNwl
我邊說邊雙手一拍，發出啪的清脆聲響。372Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYLXGucQ85B
372Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡC1ThfsFqgD
「打.苦.鞭。」372Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrAfsij556z
372Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoNDfwXhPnu
＊＊＊372Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyFOM5l6JxK
372Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvA02lWvFdx
咻——劈啪！372Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8hELrToZl1
372Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡym9xHUtTcP
每當我單手往後一揮，空氣便會發出一聲呼嘯作響，隨即傳來的則是清脆的聲響。372Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGXtClZoK3o
372Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡN65gY9ypd2
咻——劈啪！372Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBnSuEdvDZr
372Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpIM0ubsKkE
每當綁了節的粗繩鞭抽打在我的後背上，我便感受到如同火燒且入骨的痛楚。372Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLViFhsPoTD
372Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdUtwsmK4Vt
咻——劈啪！372Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEGUbGLNhTN
372Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPo0LzMK4Ms
此時此刻，我正獨自跪坐在〈白城〉城堡內的小聖堂內，一邊手持苦鞭鞭打自己，一邊靜默地禱告著。372Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRWfcbfLD1F
372Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVGK3E1Hq8u
我每一次都使勁全力揮舞苦鞭，都以極大力道鞭笞我的背部，盡可能為我的肉體帶來極大的痛楚感，並在這過程中驅逐一切貪念、困惑、慾望，以及最重要的——以自身受苦受難來救贖人類在世間的苦難，並且更接近至尊陛下。372Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡF25G2zJwdA
372Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOmKg3FgVgF
咻——劈啪！372Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡem8K6WSK77
372Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGetGNtFOmw
「哼嗯......」372Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuu8ucBBgw5
372Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCVKrXzmRVC
糟糕，我居然在打苦鞭時發出悶哼聲，難道是內心的專注力變得渙散嗎？372Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEKtEobHA3C
372Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡT6y0r7Up1I
自從離開修道院後，我的人生便發生劇烈的改變。許許多多無法理解的事情一波接著一波襲來，讓我都快應付不來了——而這還是我自己造成的！372Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXAZR0zKEjr
372Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvTmgh0lwYg
姆姆曾說過，為了使我們這些羔羊的靈魂靠向自由和卓越的全德，需要非常刻苦的努力。但是，卻不能在短時間內修成。所以我和姊妹們以剛毅的心祈求苦難，或者，更精確地說，我們的至尊陛下賜予我們剛毅，願意為祂受苦，因為這是我們的渴望。372Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡu17J0ytijR
372Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡapWXXkb0y6
可是一離開修道院後，我才發現世俗世界的苦難比想像中還要多，而這些都是姆姆過去極力避免我們所接觸的。我不怪她，因為這之中不只有苦難，還有各種各樣慾念在我周遭作崇並嘗試引誘我。372Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfJ6n6ynPzb
372Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq3o0QET5Q2
我深信這是至尊陛下給予我的一個巨大的考驗，比起待在封閉的修道院裡頭更能測試我對祂的忠誠......我難不成做了錯誤的決定嗎？372Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMczjKOVjsn
372Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjOuofSYxfX
不行不行，我得專心於打苦鞭才行，沉浸於疼痛的喜悅才是。372Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkhVnzjByfp
372Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbjECHvWPv7
咻——劈啪！372Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡe2g4U8yvVu
372Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8Zl2YgXBrr
只要鞭打得更用力......372Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5essgW9tNL
372Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8JSdqRhCAH
咻——劈啪！372Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkybBqVv6jN
372Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCkkqUNkRtW
讓身體更痛......372Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1R5EHFyVzk
372Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSAFZ8ILqJr
咻——劈啪！372Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkkGCn8qXqT
372Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVmm8H3xzRI
就能夠忘卻一切......372Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3fckUBbFvH
372Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaUe6l2ys0P
咻——372Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjBSiTvAdJp
372Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJX7VTpvjWM
突然間，苦鞭劃破空氣的聲音，為我的腦袋內帶來靈光一閃。372Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjw1GcwS4wu
372Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡa9FTmhcSdv
假使換個方式思考，眼前這個難題不就和離開修道院這件一模一樣嗎？當初居住於修道院內過著封閉的生活，確實是一種精進內心靈性的方式。但那只不過是閉上眼不去觀看外界的苦難罷了。372Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEXCbVMtMh8
372Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLooQeXdxHe
如果我試圖迴避殿下的這個問題，豈不是在封閉住心靈而不去正視問題嗎？如此一來它將纏著我不放，成為我內在與外在的苦痛與擾亂。372Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9F6N2iPOfh
372Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1KdMzRrcXF
咻——劈啪！372Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRFwSflWxZq
372Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ255r4HDkBc
再一次，苦鞭飛舞的聲響提醒我某個事物。372Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdL8KBV6UIM
372Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡO5kk7y7HTT
沒有錯，只要找到真心想要的事物並告訴殿下，就能夠永遠解決問題！這並非滿足私慾，而是開拓更寬廣順暢的修道之路啊！372Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡadvHyf46AF
372Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmsi5HppWLi
咻——劈啪！372Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDTrEkXbbKC
372Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOAstH2NVp3
而那事物原本模糊的形象，彷彿在一次又一次的鞭笞更加清晰可見！372Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwkSv0MAxm8
372Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMK5p97G2nx
更多！更多！更多的苦鞭！
