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370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMsduatN1Of
370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCnZ44SzigI
絕大多數的時候，我偏好一個人做園藝工作。370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQrUKLhCgVv
370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrYwvA5eJoT
我喜歡一個人待在花園，邊做邊寧靜地沉浸於大自然之中。當然，我做園藝的時候也會思考些事情，這段寧靜的片刻我來說是一種享受。370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDDuuxp7sQP
370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlx7mWEe8VD
我本身喜歡上園藝的原因，是來自姆姆告訴過我們的一個比喻，我很喜歡那個比喻：如果要成為修道之人，或者當我們要開始靈修生活時，至尊陛下最多能做的只有除去一塊荒地上的雜亂野草，播下好種子。剩下的工作得由我們自己進行。我們必須盡心盡力當個好園丁，用心澆水，照顧好這些植物，使之成長並盛開，愉悅我們的上主。這樣一來，祂便會時常來到賞心悅目的花園中，而我們也因此從中得到喜悅。370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbntKsbPR7j
370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrRUlE6UvBA
一想到這，我便更加努力照料身旁的花園和菜園，豐富四周環境的同時也豐富自己的心靈，如此還能夠接近上主，這不是一舉數得嗎？370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwt3KmdAeYJ
370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4dUDkh2zfo
只不過，現在的我卻像是以翻整花園為目的，來逃避一個天大的煩惱。370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyYniZKHQmW
370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLHjCT1Crqc
「自己想要的東西......是嗎？」370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAiWJ6onmo6
370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcSShPJ0aWg
以前生活在修道院的時候，我好像從未這麼煩惱過。370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4SRjezVk9e
370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡktkuhIRnHq
每位修女都視之為己任，打苦鞭、守嚴齋、祈禱、抄寫經文等等，持續地向至尊陛下祈求。就這樣每天過著心靈充實的日子。370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkNCRmdEjzG
370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGrBfU6UR29
如今我每日不僅得和各種各樣誘惑對抗，還有個純真的小王子詢問我究竟想要什麼。我又不希望殘忍拒絕殿下的好意，真叫人苦惱吶。370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbMgGlM5XfG
370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡH9MR3Jqfqt
「唉......」370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVIWwhQhyiH
370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2CXRZjEUHp
我沉浸於雜亂的思緒中，漸漸停下手邊的翻土作業，感覺到汗水從額頭沿著臉頰滑落下來。我用手背抹去了汗水，然後輕嘆了一口氣。370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTWWcKwbPog
370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgusVDjirfm
明明只要當場拒絕獅族王子殿下的好意，並表示自己全心全意為至尊陛下奉獻就好；為什麼當時我卻沒有這麼做呢？370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnY6dkdPypS
370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyqqGjuU5Sb
是由於殿下的語氣充滿真摯的純潔與無邪嗎？370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbsQqLM5Jxo
370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5u65vmq9fJ
是由於殿下對待他人的時候總是膽大心細嗎？370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡL0vLUpoyey
370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZNzQQR5FIR
「唉......」370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkktQHLPwUW
370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLgcJZaGwmL
「海倫娜，妳怎麼在唉聲嘆氣的？」370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwnxY7WPxwD
370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkLV40w55sk
就在此時，熟悉的桑音自我身後響起。370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHMR4hPgKB3
370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRQnuU9Wn0B
「奧絲雅，妳好呀。騎士團的鍛鍊結束了嗎？」370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsU3AnN6Ftz
370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqfgyGJvKJo
我轉過頭的時候勉強勾起嘴角露出微笑，但不是很成功。370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbTl5qwlw2c
370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡArATkxhheM
「妳在煩惱些什麼嗎？」370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCgOatZkrKo
370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiPldBLKJ2p
奧絲雅馬上便察覺到我只是在強顏歡笑。370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡU9FYkAtWDq
370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡx8wRC2HwEU
「不愧是奧絲雅，一下就被看出來了。」我苦笑。370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjSPrBOU5Td
370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKxszYDBuwz
「該不會那隻毛茸茸的大貓咪強迫妳做討厭的事情了？還是他趁著暖床的時候對妳毛手毛腳？我去教訓他！」370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡr8VY7NjvZS
370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6Hrb4rcJ6f
「不用擔心。殿下是一位很紳士的人，他沒有對我做出失禮的事情。」370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVxqhtWsMRd
370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡC6HRah2Yve
經奧絲雅這麼提醒，我回想起來半夜時分我們倆常常會和殿下緊貼在一起(有幾次殿下還差點因奧絲雅奇差無比的睡姿抱得太緊而窒息！)。370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQJs7vfGs9Q
370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtvBtHJ429h
半夢半醒之中，我感覺到殿下胯下的部位好像有點熱熱硬硬的凸起物…...算了，那應該是我的錯覺吧？370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9DwHM2xxhj
370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUqj0b3H2BU
畢竟那個部位又沒有任何東西。370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡR9pzvS3tFL
370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhCo9qRei4d
「真的沒發生什麼事。」370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLhGk4ETzD5
370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDVF03cMsD3
所以我決定暫時撇下這個疑惑。370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSEO58BDl1V
370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5Ia1CWm27j
「只是......殿下確實給我出了個難題。」370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOWLKothGGl
370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgz0u2YCRrc
我對奧絲雅講述前幾天發生的事，其中也包括我找不到真心希望得到的事物。370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUunCtW3P8y
370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLfS2hxm40h
「畢竟妳總是那麼善良。」奧絲雅說：「像妳這麼忠貞的修女怎麼可能會有私慾呢？那隻小笨貓到底在問啥呀。」370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoUUZgyrXH9
370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRgvBVGj5rG
「呵呵，奧絲雅，我可沒如此高尚。像我這樣的小女子，軟弱又沒什麼剛毅可言。天主賜予恩寵引領我，如祂現在所做的，我認為已是對我莫大的恩典。」我補充道說：「再者，殿下也是一番好意嘛。」370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMgpeKKJJ8t
370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgP0W3LktcV
「可是妳再繼續煩惱下去也不是辦法，妳體內會累積壞的體液喔，到時候生病的話可得不償失。」370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6q8wXjKz3X
370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡL1TcFvvzCW
「的確，假使積累太多黑膽汁(Black bile)的話，真會讓人感到抑鬱寡歡呢。」370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡesRJQ1bPB6
370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcMCNE0Qp8d
「我看妳最近一直忙著整理花園，要不偶爾也去做點其他事情，如何呢？」370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxT2HCm5gz6
370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgf2zzSXr4h
「其他事情？」370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUccZZRpI9f
370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqhzgEnGXeQ
「對呀，看是要出外走走散心或大口吃肉忘掉煩惱......啊，不好意思，妳身為赤足修院的修女要守齋戒。」370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg4bXcf7I3Z
370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcHsp17339e
「散散心嗎......嗯，也許我真的不該為一個問題而過度鑽牛角尖，或許換個方法，換個角度來思考，才可以想的到解決之道呢」370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWp6Z7Ybu5I
370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTrVZR7VMuS
「那麼要不要陪我去城外晃晃嘞？」奧絲雅很開心地問我。370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡI6JJ41oMWP
370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTcWkd7m4my
「下次吧。」我說：「我想要久違的讓自己清醒一下呢。也許是太久沒有做那件事，腦袋都有些不靈光了呢。」370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyT9RFaKsSx
370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJKnAOZcyce
「哪件事？」370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0anRqx64ZK
370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS1b9ir4VOF
「當然是足以叫人靈魂為之振奮，讓整個人都感覺通體舒暢、徹底清醒的一帖良方囉。它對於動腦袋思考可是很有幫助的唷，奧絲雅你也一起來試試吧！」370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhpG2fCf3Dd
370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrxFrjE3sH4
「妳難道是指——」370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEwdK6hHX7M
370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQMcxXFKmf1
我邊說邊雙手一拍，發出啪的清脆聲響。370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVTmcUdSvVw
370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7jat7jVUK8
「打.苦.鞭。」370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFuCBa4wQZx
370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNsxQKGQm5e
＊＊＊370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4RVnE37UKS
370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfSOSqJw6DF
咻——劈啪！370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0LzzUXtlfH
370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWmOgcUrXAl
每當我單手往後一揮，空氣便會發出一聲呼嘯作響，隨即傳來的則是清脆的聲響。370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLLVOZ8jaoQ
370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCE6MYOKpLq
咻——劈啪！370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4glAK2yXzI
370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡK6wOVzJpqs
每當綁了節的粗繩鞭抽打在我的後背上，我便感受到如同火燒且入骨的痛楚。370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCkxVdvEFHD
370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmuusPl0iqS
咻——劈啪！370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡF6R3lJEzgU
370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUm58sgT7kq
此時此刻，我正獨自跪坐在〈白城〉城堡內的小聖堂內，一邊手持苦鞭鞭打自己，一邊靜默地禱告著。370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE7DR12Do7f
370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4Surav9iWT
我每一次都使勁全力揮舞苦鞭，都以極大力道鞭笞我的背部，盡可能為我的肉體帶來極大的痛楚感，並在這過程中驅逐一切貪念、困惑、慾望，以及最重要的——以自身受苦受難來救贖人類在世間的苦難，並且更接近至尊陛下。370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcCqbFXFsD1
370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGZmsQfpJc4
咻——劈啪！370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKfnc4CinJy
370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbxUJ86Kxmt
「哼嗯......」370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡocn2t7wCNy
370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZ6zwj2rzIZ
糟糕，我居然在打苦鞭時發出悶哼聲，難道是內心的專注力變得渙散嗎？370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmF3lK3hU1k
370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGL1gK6B00a
自從離開修道院後，我的人生便發生劇烈的改變。許許多多無法理解的事情一波接著一波襲來，讓我都快應付不來了——而這還是我自己造成的！370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmixVHctoKG
370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ97sQvHKSFv
姆姆曾說過，為了使我們這些羔羊的靈魂靠向自由和卓越的全德，需要非常刻苦的努力。但是，卻不能在短時間內修成。所以我和姊妹們以剛毅的心祈求苦難，或者，更精確地說，我們的至尊陛下賜予我們剛毅，願意為祂受苦，因為這是我們的渴望。370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2PWoKDB7SA
370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRpZU7gbUtF
可是一離開修道院後，我才發現世俗世界的苦難比想像中還要多，而這些都是姆姆過去極力避免我們所接觸的。我不怪她，因為這之中不只有苦難，還有各種各樣慾念在我周遭作崇並嘗試引誘我。370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡr44ur6j6gu
370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡi1NcRabdg4
我深信這是至尊陛下給予我的一個巨大的考驗，比起待在封閉的修道院裡頭更能測試我對祂的忠誠......我難不成做了錯誤的決定嗎？370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSEPk19jOnI
370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeBr66Sf9oC
不行不行，我得專心於打苦鞭才行，沉浸於疼痛的喜悅才是。370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZqOudo2Xq3
370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡenkuUCTKCC
咻——劈啪！370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdHERi9Al20
370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsIZRqQ63Ca
只要鞭打得更用力......370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1Qj2wH6ztP
370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrnaCYw4khC
咻——劈啪！370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6M0Luy00D5
370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3DCWiasCjB
讓身體更痛......370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡx6np5VeN8Q
370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxiwN0liGPw
咻——劈啪！370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJd9plQ88og
370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlH0ys4pMJZ
就能夠忘卻一切......370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9QhEgfhG1J
370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡV5MST5HYk2
咻——370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡN6FKVtsqCj
370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMIC7gEb3WR
突然間，苦鞭劃破空氣的聲音，為我的腦袋內帶來靈光一閃。370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhGSYlack4H
370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbXmCltbbRK
假使換個方式思考，眼前這個難題不就和離開修道院這件一模一樣嗎？當初居住於修道院內過著封閉的生活，確實是一種精進內心靈性的方式。但那只不過是閉上眼不去觀看外界的苦難罷了。370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcRM83tuGNM
370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSwnC8gUibV
如果我試圖迴避殿下的這個問題，豈不是在封閉住心靈而不去正視問題嗎？如此一來它將纏著我不放，成為我內在與外在的苦痛與擾亂。370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5adhrqQL84
370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiAcsPIDrmB
咻——劈啪！370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1K8ZhP17fX
370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbclfy6fRhy
再一次，苦鞭飛舞的聲響提醒我某個事物。370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjcgabphyt8
370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpGEg6zGEeQ
沒有錯，只要找到真心想要的事物並告訴殿下，就能夠永遠解決問題！這並非滿足私慾，而是開拓更寬廣順暢的修道之路啊！370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTVx6dXz8wK
370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFp8ijn6uf5
咻——劈啪！370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLJOcCKYoZz
370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuZXYLSnu0J
而那事物原本模糊的形象，彷彿在一次又一次的鞭笞更加清晰可見！370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVctfhcCZ3a
370Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwweJkWn1CU
更多！更多！更多的苦鞭！
