VEGAS
I sat staring at the pencil in my hand, twirling it out of habit. I paid no attention to the noise made by the people sitting around the meeting table, my mind temporarily focused on something else.
'What is he doing?'
'What kind of facial expression is he making?'
'Has he eaten?'
'Is he happy with today's meal?'
'When he wakes up and doesn't see me, I wonder how relaxed he must be?'
Who would have thought that the eldest cousin's head bodyguard would be so fun. When he goes mad, he looks exactly like my cousin. The difference is that Pete has more self restraint, a more understanding heart and was not weak at all.
Being interested in someone that I never thought I would be interested in makes me lose my mind a little. I never thought that a person like Pete would ever exist in this world.
Whenever he is beside me, I feel cozy. Even without any conversation, any body contact, or even when he is just aimlessly walking around. It has reached a point where I cannot even explain it, because this is the first time in my life I have felt so comfortable.
Ever since I was a kid, I had always been so stressed out. I feel very unpleasant when I am with my father, constantly filled with a desire to run away. With everyone else, I could sense the societal expectations placed on me. Knowing that everyone has some sort of job, position or performance expected from me, I feel like I have no self-identity. Until this day, I still do not know who I really am.
"Mr Castin, if you have any problem, you can ask my son. My son is really thoughtful and trustworthy. Right, son? Vegas, Vegas?!" My dad used both his feet to kick me under the table and glared at me harshly, forcing me to pay attention.
"..."
I stared at my father in a daze. Following his intention, I turned to face the important client sitting next to me, Khun Castin.
"I gave my son a lot of work recently, which is why he seems a bit tired. How about another cup of coffee? I'll order it for you." I did not say much, because I did not want to glance at my father right now. Even though his words are sweet to mislead other people, I knew his eyes would always show how he is still the same person who hates and blames me.
I am a disgusting person. Because I am gay and because I am not as good as the First Family's son.
He pretends to love me for the sake of the business, making me his puppet so that the power in his hands never wavers, because he knows that I have no choice but to continue the Second Family's business.
"You should bring Khun Castin out to dinner. You were rude to him earlier today. Don't make me see you like this anymore!" As my father was walking out of the meeting room, he said to me in a deep and stern voice behind my back, his tone layered with unhappiness.
"I am busy tonight." I answered without even looking at my father.
"Cancel all appointments! Just do as I say!" He said and walked past me. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath to calm myself down. Then, I quickly walked back to my personal office.
"Ah fuck!"
Once the door closed, I banged on the wall to let out my anger, sadness and everything that I had repressed during the meeting. No, not just that, I wanted to vent out all of the stress that I felt from my father. Not once am I able to do what I want! I hated myself to the core! This hatred not only stems from my father, because he is the one that made me doubt myself, but also because I sometimes have done terrible things, and because I have had mad and murderous thoughts. Even though I try not to think about this most of the time, I must release all the emotional stress that I am experiencing right now. I do not fully understand myself. I can no longer tell who I have become.
But I like it this way, because sometimes this gives me comfort. When my father wants me to win the First Family, all I have to think about is how I will use my own method to help my father win. I want the people that my father always compares myself with, such as Kinn, to also understand this kind of suffering. One look at Kinn and I already know where the weakness of such a tough person lies. He uses emotion to lead his life, so of course love is his weak point, which was why I made a plan to drug his loved one. Those who cannot tell how much he cares about his new bodyguard are idiots. Even though unfortunately, the plan was not successful, because luck saved them, but I still came up with other ideas to become close with Porsche. It makes me extremely satisfied, knowing how Kinn is a romantic person, and knowing how he, like Tawan, will lose their mind over their loved one. Perhaps then my dad will stop comparing myself with Kinn.
But I begin to wonder, when I was so focused on winning, how did I end up being so disgusted with myself? And how did Pete's face float into my mind? I stopped hitting the wall that had split open, the wall which has a gap widening everyday.
"He's just a crazy bodyguard from the First Family... What is so good about him anyways?" But my brain kept replaying his face over and over again, and when I accidentally saw his smile, my angry heart suddenly calmed down.
His smile and the little things he does made me recall what it feels like to be beside him. It really is so weird. The other day, I just cooked him instant noodles and his eyes sparkled, as if he had just received a precious gift. Not just that, but every time I mentioned food, his tone and mood would immediately become happy. Pete, I have done so many things to you. Aren't you in pain? In the face of so much suffering, how do you still stay so bright? I really do not understand.
"Khun Vegas, Khun Castin is waiting for you downstairs." One of my underlings walked in and said. His head was bowed down, which was not a surprise. I always had this habit of venting out my emotions whenever I was angry.
"Got it." I sighed and tidied up my attire. I have no choice but to do what my father is asking me to do again. Fuck!
I had this thought in my head. I really want to destroy everyone who did this to me, anyone who makes me feel terrible. I do not want to suffer any longer, but I am helpless. At this moment, I can only find a place to let all my negative energy out.
Khun Castin and I rode a car out together, just the two of us, without any bodyguards. I knew Khun Castin's motive. I could tell everything from his eyes and his facial expressions, ever since we were inside the meeting room.
My father really wanted this client, right? My father wants us to be business partners, right? If I manage to please this client, my father will be happy, right? Then I will do it. I will do everything my father wants!
'Khun Vegas, do you like this?" I gazed at the small figure of the person in front of me, as we sat in the backseat of my luxury car. I held both of his hands above his head and tied them tight with a leather belt.
"Still okay." I positioned myself in between the legs of this man, someone who I had only spent 3-4 hours knowing before this. He was mixed-raced, his face clean, his skin fair. Castin can be categorized as someone who looks very cute, not bad at all. Although he is not my type, it wasn't difficult to get me in the mood.
"Ugh... Not too rough..." These words made me a little annoyed, but I did not care. I buried my face in the crook of his neck, using my teeth to suck, making him jump.
'Ow.... It hurts... It hurts!" Castin shook his head in fear and pain, but I paid no attention. My lips slide down his chest, sucking his nipple. At the same time, I pushed his legs apart to make myself more comfortable. My lips and tongue tried to give as much comfort as possible.
One of the rules I have is that I will never kiss someone I do not have feelings for, because I believe that kissing is a way to give the partner that I really like a good atmosphere. However, I only took the person in front of me as an outlet for my emotions. I just want to get away from all the uncomfortable things in life, such as anger, regret and expectations. Everything happening now is only temporary.
I took off my pants and underwear, revealing my hard manhood. I grabbed a condom from the back seat pocket. This isn't the first time I am doing something like this. I am used to doing this as a form of release, with various customers of the same taste.
I pinched his ass and immediately pulled his pants and underwear down. Not long later, with both of his feet over my shoulder, I squeezed some lube and smeared it into his rear. I moved to position myself and started to push the head into his ass. I began thrusting hard. "Ughhh.... Ah..."
"It hurts... Aren't you going to let me widen first? Ah, it hurts! It hurts a lot!"
I closed my eyes and bit my lips. The word 'hurt' along with the vigorous thrusting made me think of something else. I had no idea how, but the face in front of me turned to Pete.
"Vegas! It hurts!" Pete's voice entered my brain. His gaze always made me confused. Because Pete always said it hurts, but his eyes always seemed so weird. Castin, who said the same thing, does not enjoy my pain. But Pete gave the impression that he did not hate it, and instead always just gazed at me in a daze.
"Vegas! You beast! I'm going to kill you!" Pete's mouth always scolded me with zero skills. Since I am his first, I know he is hurt, both physically and mentally. But his face, it always seems like he is more satisfied than sad.
"It hurts so much. I cannot take it anymore." I pushed myself further in, until I inserted my full length. Just thinking about Pete makes my heart feel like it is going to explode. I could barely control my heartbeat. Blood pumped through every part of my body and I was sweating non-stop.
Pete was so weird. Everytime I hit or hurt him, he always stared back at me challengingly, as if saying 'You can try doing it again!'. I know he is the type that says whatever is the truth. What I see and what I perceive is proof.
In the beginning, I had some violent tendencies where I forced him to do things he did not want to. He seemed to be in extreme pain, but after a while, his body started to change. It is almost as if what I did satisfied him, and yet he does not realize just how sexy, desirable and invigorating face-to-face sex was. After I finished, he always appeared like he did not have much feelings towards what we just did. He did not have tears flowing all over his face, almost as if he did not face any trouble. I don't even know how I should feel about that.
"Ah! It hurts! I cannot take it anymore." Castin moaned in the car. This bastard! I wasn't even paying any attention to him. No matter how hard I moved my hips, in my head, all I could see was Pete.
Castin looked like he was about to suffocate to death, but Pete always used his hands and feet to fight back. For someone as violent like me, I really should be with someone like Pete who can keep up with my high sex drive. I would expect someone in Pete's position to be scared of me, worried to the point of insanity, constantly on their knees, moving every second, protesting and not eating. But Pete, Pete is always happy and seems to be constantly thinking about food.
"Let me go, Vegas, you bastard!!" Pete's constant vulgar words seem to always make the both of us mad. He has a lot of self doubt and he never fully releases his emotions. I understand how awkward it must be, but I am sure he does not dislike what we do, he is just confused.
One thing I always observe is that Pete likes pain. No matter words or actions, every time I was violent towards him, I could always recognize his eyes expressing a sense of satisfaction.
"Ah! Pete, please say my name!" I accidentally called out Pete's name, but I was certain Castin did not hear it, because he was in so much pain that he paid no attention.
Pete! Even from the first day that I captured him, my palm has already marked his face. But every time after I slapped him, he always turned back quickly, his eyes staring back at me challengingly, begging for death. This was very unusual, and at first I thought perhaps it was because he had very high self-respect, but then I realized that that was only a part of the truth. I have said this before, even if he tried to hide it, I could still discern the presence of something else. Something hidden deep in his eyes. No matter how hard he tries to hide it, I could still feel it.
"Ahhhhh...." Why does Pete's challenging expression make me so excited? I really like how when I am so violent to him, he always fights back. Fuck! It's crazy! I love hurting him and he never looked troubled because of that. Instead, he appeared so normal.
Fuck! Why am I missing Pete so much! I cannot take it anymore.
I came inside Castin. In my brain, I never even thought of the face of the person in front of me.
I ruined Pete. Other than feeling safe beside him, I don't think I can ever find someone who has chemistry in bed with me like him. This makes me even more scared. Scared of losing him.
I started the car to send Castin to the hotel. On the way there, Castin kept complaining about the pain, but I knew this would not affect our work, because I had my way of handling it. Before I let him step into the hotel, I apologized to him and tried to comfort him.
"I'm sorry. If you are not okay, please let me know." I pulled him in for a hug, softly patting his hair.
"It hurts a lot." Castin said, burying his face in my chest. I really did not like people who always made themselves appear weak. They are such an eyesore. If someone wanted to beg for something, I preferred those that did it unintentionally. This is the reason why I kept changing sexual partners! How do all of you do such disgusting things?
"I'll be more gentle next time. You are so cute, which was why I was a little rough." I used a sweet voice to reply. Castin smiled and raised his head to stare at me.
"So, next time please appreciate me." Castin said and roughly kissed my cheek.
"Yes, I will." I pulled away from the hug and waved him farewell.
I sped away from the hotel lobby and sighed tiredly. I hated this kind of man who keeps craving affection and protection. This used to be Kinn's type. Ugh! It's so boring!!! Every one of them that I seduced, I successfully hooked and brought home. I really wanted to get rid of their shy faces!!!
But Pete, and what are you doing now?
I stepped on the accelerator, wanting to reach home as soon as possible. If I had to guess, he is probably wandering around, searching for things that can unlock the chains on his wrist. Don't think that I don't know he is always doing weird stuff in the room. Just thinking about it makes me laugh! I cannot believe that a bodyguard from the First Family is so– God damn it, so cute. This bastard! Why do you look so cute in my eyes!
I open the glass door and see Pete squatting under the bed. No doubt he is doing something crazy right now.
"Pete! What are you doing?" He shook his head in shock, then put his hand on his chest and sighed.
"Can you not make such a sudden sound when you come back? I am going to have a heart attack and die." Pete said while pretending to walk to the bookshelf, not answering my question.
"Have you eaten?" I unbuttoned my shirt, preparing to take a shower to relax myself. I do not know why, but the moment I smell his familiar scent and see his face, a wave of comfort and relief washes over me, giving me a feeling of consolation that I had never felt before.
"Yup. Eaten."
"Southern dish?" I unzipped my pants and asked. Even with my eyes staring at him, he comfortably read a book with his feet resting on the sofa table.
"Yup."
I stared at Pete. What kind of crazy thoughts are you thinking now. A few days ago, I said I would hurt him because he asked my friends for help, but now just a few days later, he seemed fine, as if nothing had happened. He looked like he had no distractions, no worries and nothing annoying him. Even though everything appears okay from the outside, I know Pete is actually a scary person deep down. He is decisive, strong, does not give up easily and is extremely adaptive to all kinds of situations. He also does not think too much of the world. If one day I do love him, and he has to leave me, I know he will make his decision very quickly, perhaps without even caring about me. And so, I pray that he will stay like this, with me, for a very long time.
Until now, I am still puzzled whether I loved him or not, but I am too afraid to open my heart, because I truly despise goodbyes. But it is so difficult not to make him my everything. It is really hard.
Because I cannot control my emotions any longer.
Pete's smile is like a light in my life, making me feel alive again.
He has no desire. He has never looked at me with oppression in his eyes. He has never set me a target, hoping that I would become someone he hoped I would be. It was as if I was just Vegas, with him completely understanding my emotions, and knowing exactly how to handle them.
I cannot believe there really was someone like this in the world. Someone who understood me.
"Pete! Let's take a shower together." I took off my pants, until I was left in only my underwear.
"Are you crazy?" Pete said, trying not to peek at me.
"Come help me scrub my back." I laughed, seeing how he pretended to gaze elsewhere.
"You are already as old as a bull, but still cannot take your own shower?" Pete mumbled. He had no intention of getting up from his seat.
"Pete, I am going to countdown. One..." I tried my best to hold my laughter and started counting. Pete immediately started to worry.
"Two..." He suddenly jumped up, wore his sandals and walked towards me.
"Go wait in the bathroom." I said as I smiled.
This Pete is really everything that I wanted. What happens after the count reaches three? I do not know, but I like seeing him anxious. It is a method to stress someone out, to make them do as I say. I love control and Pete likes being a follower. Pete always follows the countdown, indicating that he likes this challenge and it makes him excited. If it was someone who did not enjoy this kind of thing, they would not care at all about the stress I was giving out. He made me realize that I had an effect on him too.
"Just rubbing the back." Pete mumbled as he walked past me.
He doesn't know that as the days get longer, his feelings cannot be hidden behind his eyes anymore.
You like being a follower, but you need a leader that makes you excited and satisfied. Just like right now, you are already addicted to the pain, Pete.
[You can see to this chapter that Pete likes pain. Pete is a masochist*]22541Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNj1MUoALL9
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*a person who derives sexual gratification from their own pain or humiliation.22541Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHDrDXrWq4T
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*a person who enjoys an activity that appears to be painful or tedious.22541Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFmBEZbbUdQ
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Translation by: nightowls922541Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJ5cSrXy92n
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