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〈心火〉8964 copyright protection233PENANAJUSksmUbqy 維尼
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8964 copyright protection233PENANAdtfvyxlEoW 維尼
放上茶壺,妳彎腰8964 copyright protection233PENANABelkSQ587i 維尼
轉動瓦斯爐的8964 copyright protection233PENANAT0IhdzGg6O 維尼
旋鈕,藍色火焰照例8964 copyright protection233PENANAnXCJR2VTuO 維尼
開出一朵花8964 copyright protection233PENANAMaGCUYR4Mt 維尼
燻暖了妳的臉8964 copyright protection233PENANAM8J5WeKi7B 維尼
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8964 copyright protection233PENANAtge0JON0Xj 維尼
但,心是冷的8964 copyright protection233PENANAoqMTl7NKTI 維尼
比多年前他等在校門口8964 copyright protection233PENANAW816DEtSNs 維尼
抵受的寒風8964 copyright protection233PENANAJrgoAgsy7O 維尼
還要凜冽8964 copyright protection233PENANA6xGgz4pSbu 維尼
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8964 copyright protection233PENANAU0DskjtBjH 維尼
曾經是學校人人8964 copyright protection233PENANAPwoQo7Kzz6 維尼
稱羨的女文青8964 copyright protection233PENANAVOagHeWG9A 維尼
未來的大作家8964 copyright protection233PENANAWYa0mwNw9T 維尼
獎牌和光環掛在8964 copyright protection233PENANAuJoAyi6iUI 維尼
妳纖頸,繫在妳髮際8964 copyright protection233PENANAPYMey9u5Lt 維尼
閃亮難以逼視8964 copyright protection233PENANAWpr012me1c 維尼
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如今是全家個個8964 copyright protection233PENANAuhOR3RWqOB 維尼
呼叱的黃臉婆8964 copyright protection233PENANAOiTDiEuFub 維尼
照料男人和他的8964 copyright protection233PENANApEtNKGO8Vq 維尼
前世情人,甜甜蜜蜜8964 copyright protection233PENANAzzDn0dtJdN 維尼
妳冷眼看著一切8964 copyright protection233PENANAbHEgw0Y57x 維尼
視線如炬8964 copyright protection233PENANAYYZDwTwjhr 維尼
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都說同性相斥8964 copyright protection233PENANAhXK8lxYlYV 維尼
妳恨沒生個兒子8964 copyright protection233PENANAA9hF99gxI9 維尼
奇數難以均分,妳8964 copyright protection233PENANAAa4U5GdUgv 維尼
總是落單的這位8964 copyright protection233PENANA8vANmZUAeb 維尼
永遠插不進8964 copyright protection233PENANA665laUNDI7 維尼
卿卿我我的那對8964 copyright protection233PENANAOBCDSOQ43D 維尼
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她複製妳的輪廓8964 copyright protection233PENANABVqVLxj1U7 維尼
卻更加精美8964 copyright protection233PENANAjvINriy151 維尼
時間尚未發功8964 copyright protection233PENANACza3eqoug4 維尼
纖巧身材,讓人憐愛8964 copyright protection233PENANAr7oLY8ru7t 維尼
還有瞇瞇笑的桃花眼8964 copyright protection233PENANArFdSZUCQMm 維尼
天真無邪的8964 copyright protection233PENANAzSvamKlaB2 維尼
舌頭和乳頭8964 copyright protection233PENANAFguklbdzwr 維尼
自以為可愛的演示8964 copyright protection233PENANAR3UWbMsfWn 維尼
淫蕩的動作8964 copyright protection233PENANAOsl0vPYSiq 維尼
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開水在燒8964 copyright protection233PENANALHVWbsuGzh 維尼
爐火在烤8964 copyright protection233PENANApTbEIuqhKY 維尼
妳湊近火前8964 copyright protection233PENANAgGPjxDR3XV 維尼
低頭看著自己8964 copyright protection233PENANAvSM91r3rf0 維尼
臃腫是產下她的8964 copyright protection233PENANAF5R17fkGFm 維尼
代價,皺紋是8964 copyright protection233PENANAT3rMRsMTp8 維尼
管教她的反作用力8964 copyright protection233PENANAxTokZXox8b 維尼
燥烈焦燎8964 copyright protection233PENANATUq3L3k9ej 維尼
標籤著妳的後半生8964 copyright protection233PENANANHyyi0Stl4 維尼
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昨晚尤劇,他和她8964 copyright protection233PENANAR09zSQquH0 維尼
討論什麼生涯規劃8964 copyright protection233PENANArxCA3Vd6vz 維尼
「我要當作家!!」8964 copyright protection233PENANA1iUFqQ2EBK 維尼
她大嚷,拿著全校什麼什麼獎8964 copyright protection233PENANAc4fybT9uCd 維尼
的獎狀,在妳面前晃8964 copyright protection233PENANA5kKcZhVe3C 維尼
妳移開視線,分不清8964 copyright protection233PENANAsWCya1OS0Y 維尼
是羨慕,還是嫉妒8964 copyright protection233PENANAbf4YsFHANy 維尼
所有感覺凝成火種8964 copyright protection233PENANAaHoXN4elqQ 維尼
在心裡跳盪8964 copyright protection233PENANAw5njLiASPO 維尼
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妳忘了後面怎樣,只記得8964 copyright protection233PENANAhHNVModwY9 維尼
撕成片片的紙張——8964 copyright protection233PENANAvisfRvoIGR 維尼
那些曾經是獎狀嗎?8964 copyright protection233PENANAY2W9iUR967 維尼
罵聲轟隆8964 copyright protection233PENANAiipQmdrrDs 維尼
哭聲嘹亮8964 copyright protection233PENANA0vaEUNCl5N 維尼
還有尖銳汽笛聲響8964 copyright protection233PENANAecSEEux5eb 維尼
是誰按下通往不歸路列車的8964 copyright protection233PENANAB56Pa8Hknr 維尼
喇叭???8964 copyright protection233PENANAmU0gce0JhX 維尼
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⋯⋯⋯⋯⋯⋯⋯⋯8964 copyright protection233PENANAot5TQ4w3Ql 維尼
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直到一切全然熄定8964 copyright protection233PENANA9utgU6tOE8 維尼
妳發現自己不在8964 copyright protection233PENANAE9w3r7AoTV 維尼
那個名為「家」的領域8964 copyright protection233PENANAliFsRB2DBa 維尼
而是四面白牆的囹圄8964 copyright protection233PENANADXBEj31rLs 維尼
鋪棉牆壁看似溫煦8964 copyright protection233PENANA6FP8CKyLYa 維尼
卻有認證妳「不正常」的8964 copyright protection233PENANAFuNud7HCbr 維尼
用意8964 copyright protection233PENANAEkXLtIJ86D 維尼
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發生什麼事?8964 copyright protection233PENANAd2D1Sz5dqt 維尼
斷片許久的妳8964 copyright protection233PENANAQygrZqhNpN 維尼
開始一點一滴8964 copyright protection233PENANAtz4qvUDw2X 維尼
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她捧著碎紙哭泣8964 copyright protection233PENANA0M9Bsk03LA 維尼
他對著妳發脾氣8964 copyright protection233PENANAngzMnfedbb 維尼
妳雙膝著地,不停8964 copyright protection233PENANAyq9lTqTKgD 維尼
對他們倆尖聲說著8964 copyright protection233PENANAEjVd5Otz8G 維尼
對不起對不起對不起8964 copyright protection233PENANAltjPtRtx3i 維尼
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炎焱似乎已經平息8964 copyright protection233PENANAcMM2iayxGD 維尼
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第二天,那對男女8964 copyright protection233PENANA1y28QjhMkj 維尼
裝作沒事,一道外出8964 copyright protection233PENANA66uWHFPM2i 維尼
用餐,還幫妳外帶8964 copyright protection233PENANAyNTsdtxUWz 維尼
回家後,三人聊天8964 copyright protection233PENANAwr9PocT1ZP 維尼
愉快啜飲妳開小火8964 copyright protection233PENANANELywRwdvb 維尼
煮的水泡的茶8964 copyright protection233PENANAjMtJvhQvZ0 維尼
然後⋯⋯8964 copyright protection233PENANAFruXdASY02 維尼
然候⋯⋯8964 copyright protection233PENANAAZIJGmpWas 維尼
然後⋯⋯8964 copyright protection233PENANARK0k7KROQm 維尼
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再也沒有然後了8964 copyright protection233PENANA8dRKhQTFxm 維尼
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妳在四堵白牆裡,默默看著8964 copyright protection233PENANATsYLFrAjbC 維尼
在小火面前的自己8964 copyright protection233PENANAZRyG6oBxF3 維尼
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摸出一瓶OOO的妳8964 copyright protection233PENANA7cmSoVPK55 維尼
將茶壺蓋打開8964 copyright protection233PENANAb6yUlGX9oY 維尼
倒入安靜的液體8964 copyright protection233PENANAspg25iKz1J 維尼
同時,側耳傾聽8964 copyright protection233PENANAk0P0ybfpv2 維尼
等待,門鈴8964 copyright protection233PENANA7V0hYKOSzN 維尼
即將響起。8964 copyright protection233PENANAlGxXn4xlYM 維尼
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這首〈心火〉的寫作時間,正好在我想要轉變/增加詩風之際,所以腦洞和手法都跟我之前寫的新詩不大一樣,為此我還把《W. H. 新詩集》的分級,從 G 改成 PG-13。237Please respect copyright.PENANAkKgmBfI2Zi
237Please respect copyright.PENANAyh2qV7pvCu
這首詩,也可以改寫/擴寫成小說,但字數就不會這麼少,而且我個人認為,此詩悲哀的感覺會降低——小說其實不乏這種題材,但新詩好像還不多見,這也是我想嘗試這種題材的原因之一。237Please respect copyright.PENANA9LwCJimynS
237Please respect copyright.PENANARnwWxzzRiq
〈心火〉大概半個月前寫成 (我查 Google 文件版本紀錄,09/30 初稿,目前是第五版),我覺得還有修改的空間,描述還是太直白了,可以更「詩」一點,但也可能將敘述弄得更複雜,修不修訂,就再說吧。8964 copyright protection233PENANARcyHiPTNOB 維尼
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~~~~我是分隔線~~~~8964 copyright protection233PENANA6LrxdVzcXX 維尼
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〈心火〉是我舉辦的創挑「來寫OO詩 ⑦:故事詩」的示範作,上架之後,有讀者給了我一些反饋,我覺得很受用,也對其回應 (註):8964 copyright protection233PENANAoq1TVk6SzE 維尼
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8964 copyright protection233PENANAn93edWF6eS 維尼
(註):上開文字也是我對另一位讀者的回應,有經過修改。8964 copyright protection233PENANAGtwlU9gCcX 維尼
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「你的腦洞比我大啊~237Please respect copyright.PENANAe9JWcpEGsm
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沒有到不倫,只是小小的齟齬,小小的摩擦,天天發生,會讓心裡的火苗越來越大,終至焚燬。237Please respect copyright.PENANAc2Ryqc2GCk
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我詩末留有想像空間 (丈夫和女兒的後續,我沒寫出來,或許沒死~),但『妳』意圖毒殺丈夫和女兒,這件事是確定的。237Please respect copyright.PENANAsxbQYvMjHd
237Please respect copyright.PENANAzwEDGBdJCx
詩的跳躍性,包括時間軸 (毒殺在先,進精神病院在後,但這首詩先出現的是進精神病院,再用回憶帶出毒殺之事~也可以呼應『妳』的精神狀態已經錯亂),讓作者可以處理比較特殊的題材。237Please respect copyright.PENANA43AEjJWw06
237Please respect copyright.PENANA9UDT3rQBOg
對了,不曉得你有沒有看過《爆漫王。》?如果根據主角之一秋犯的說法,這首詩算是『邪道』——我結語會提到,有興趣再來看看吧。」8964 copyright protection233PENANAX7iTprsrGV 維尼
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〖出處〗(請見留言區)8964 copyright protection233PENANALZpzBOu44L 維尼
https://www.penana.com/article/15318948964 copyright protection233PENANAlDN4gZY1fv 維尼
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附圖原畫作者是 Akseli Gallen-Kallela (1865-1931)。作者去世70年以上,其著作財產權已經消滅,原畫圖檔屬於公有領域 (public domain),任何人均可使用。8964 copyright protection233PENANA5RUzrYpPQy 維尼
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