60Please respect copyright.PENANA44H7OWUqxT
60Please respect copyright.PENANA8E1GSakwYF
60Please respect copyright.PENANAtJ1vRCX0Ne
60Please respect copyright.PENANAQy8VL5v21F
60Please respect copyright.PENANAxwVnMiYIl3
60Please respect copyright.PENANAGvtrnsYnUY
60Please respect copyright.PENANAN7UtMEZGEU
60Please respect copyright.PENANAhkzqxYQZ5J
To the boy who broke my heart.
60Please respect copyright.PENANAPpAJAOkcFB
Also to me, for getting through it.
60Please respect copyright.PENANAC3AI1Myjbn
60Please respect copyright.PENANATWbvrXoyce
60Please respect copyright.PENANAisb8yWrwuv
60Please respect copyright.PENANAkituPoCUSx
60Please respect copyright.PENANALnlAP1ghBi
60Please respect copyright.PENANAx8tLOfUuHq
60Please respect copyright.PENANAJoNLrB5lYO
60Please respect copyright.PENANAvlGBiWB2ex
60Please respect copyright.PENANAiUYyP7gEjN
60Please respect copyright.PENANAJnMveG9MdR
60Please respect copyright.PENANAEUlj9fXFCM
60Please respect copyright.PENANAKkhe4ldawG
60Please respect copyright.PENANAPm48Mupu7o
60Please respect copyright.PENANATNrkDZyvYE
60Please respect copyright.PENANAjMnRfUjGuX
60Please respect copyright.PENANAzrwKYVecdl
60Please respect copyright.PENANA6XYRFr3ted
60Please respect copyright.PENANAs4hQ9LBPXf
60Please respect copyright.PENANA0PgD476V9o
60Please respect copyright.PENANAZmZ39hXIOy
60Please respect copyright.PENANAgwL3Z4d5ZU
60Please respect copyright.PENANARGWwwjPnau
60Please respect copyright.PENANA5WcyFTPayF
60Please respect copyright.PENANAKPzpayKUlm
60Please respect copyright.PENANABFzbIlCpLC
60Please respect copyright.PENANAMDZydOoqf0
60Please respect copyright.PENANADrYpK8PwLS
60Please respect copyright.PENANAyCNPBiPiNE
60Please respect copyright.PENANACxIGECDm6b
60Please respect copyright.PENANAqQbiTof8Ii
60Please respect copyright.PENANAgn6wfWmf7V
60Please respect copyright.PENANAZ4tYfKsvpo
5/16/25
60Please respect copyright.PENANA3QveaNvEWk
R,
60Please respect copyright.PENANA6WITxG8Utq
This does feel a bit stupid, to write letters you’ll never read. But it also feels right.
60Please respect copyright.PENANAX134reX6I9
I’m the one who ended things.
I’m the one crying like it’s the end of the world.
60Please respect copyright.PENANAPN0sceoBln
I think it’s very interesting I broke up with you on the 14th –9 months to the day of when we first met. I feel like maybe there’s some sort of symbolism in that, but I’m not sure.
Our birthdays add up to 2024, and we met in 2024, so I’ve always thought of that as symbolic.
60Please respect copyright.PENANAbFeHHKADvJ
Anyway, I guess I want to tell you that I never wanted to hurt you. You tried so hard to love me. It was so special. For me to break up with you feels like prying something out of my heart and tossing it out my window while on the highway.
60Please respect copyright.PENANA4dSu7JpHjN
I think I had to end things though.
Like some things would make my stomach turn. Like how I’ll never know what happened in the car between you and Anna. Or the bird gift. You were so genuine sounding, and yet it was a blatant lie. Or the fact that I had to justify every single mistake you made. I don’t even do that for myself.
60Please respect copyright.PENANAXFCngG4W1F
These things don’t make you a bad person.
It just means you have some work to do on your own.
60Please respect copyright.PENANAXaAuAHzUwh
Last night, I wore your hoodie again to sleep. It was actually really nice. It still smells like you lol. I was worried that it would make me feel worse, but it made me feel better. I was honoring the love we shared, and I was still able to be true to myself. I guess it also felt like you were forgiving me for what I had to do.
60Please respect copyright.PENANA2FkaAEVWPr
The main reason I hurt today is because I don’t want to move on without you. Like I think of fall classes starting and the gaps in our classes that we coordinated just being empty. We were supposed to be together during our breaks. I guess now I’ll have time to work and stuff, but seeing those gaps between my classes hurt a bit more than I expected. And then imagining fall being over and spring happening.
Like then I’ll coordinate my schedule by myself. And that makes me sad too because when I was with you it felt like I had the world in my hands, and now I don’t even have your hand in mine.
60Please respect copyright.PENANAsn6mPv4UsM
And yet despite all of this, I know I made the right choice.
I think sometimes the “right thing” hurts more.
60Please respect copyright.PENANA6HzKKJxWYu
I really really really really hope you can find happiness. I pray to God that you’ll be okay—and be happy.
60Please respect copyright.PENANAGFvQQetSNU
Right now, I’m thinking about that date we had at Sprouts. Where it was raining and we couldn’t open that gelato, and you accidentally told me you loved me. And I drove home, and you called, and I sat in the driveway, watching the rain run down my windshield, and the wipers going crazy, and I accidentally told you I loved you too. And we both screamed (out of fun), and I ended the call shortly after.
60Please respect copyright.PENANAFYLWADRdxr
I remember stepping out of the car and getting soaking wet and the FleetWood Mac line came to me — “when the rain washes you clean, you’ll know”. I thought I knew then. I thought maybe we’d last forever.
It really felt like we would.
60Please respect copyright.PENANARJ6IxTYaMl
I think maybe, if you were the man I thought I fell for, it would’ve been forever.
60Please respect copyright.PENANA6Le0pOr7lm
It’s okay that you have work to do.
I’ve got work to do too.
60Please respect copyright.PENANAX2iNyVsYCk
I’ve decided to put all of my trust in God.
60Please respect copyright.PENANAoPE2sAo4aJ
And maybe that “I love you” was on purpose.
60Please respect copyright.PENANA7RrKcZkwhF
Thinking of you always,
60Please respect copyright.PENANAzHHWqfMu2d
V
60Please respect copyright.PENANA3JD2xHzGzK
60Please respect copyright.PENANAFof73frDGr
60Please respect copyright.PENANABXXkh6ERJU
60Please respect copyright.PENANARWenlP79Sb
60Please respect copyright.PENANAOes7rzkiFE
60Please respect copyright.PENANAEhrN1VD8tJ
60Please respect copyright.PENANAzBSwNKLpRg
60Please respect copyright.PENANAUQMPpHCFc7
60Please respect copyright.PENANALrwnjLgIMo
60Please respect copyright.PENANAQr5jBJhacd
60Please respect copyright.PENANAEEEhojdZxM
5/17/25
60Please respect copyright.PENANApmUAqN1Kpw
R,
60Please respect copyright.PENANAc6JADZhgT3
Well, we’ve officially decided not to contact the other for a bit. Even at the end it was sweet and loving and a little bit funny.
60Please respect copyright.PENANA13tS3ZrL4D
Neither of us wanted to leave the other on read. So, I came up with the idea of sending a dot, and you could leave that on read.
60Please respect copyright.PENANAzk8hxfLMAh
I sent the dot. It was at 11:11. You said “11:11 how wonderful” and I said “yeah, for real” and sent another dot. So like, we officially ended things at 11:11. Which is absolutely symbolic.
60Please respect copyright.PENANAwvQXOCgpTL
I thought I would feel better today, but now I’m crying all over again.
Whatever this was—it was as close to love as I’ve ever felt.
60Please respect copyright.PENANAxFENJ1mNtz
I know there were problems. I know exactly why I ended things. I don’t regret it. I hope we can find our way back to each other. Or maybe I can find love that feels like this (without the “stabby feelings” as you called it).
60Please respect copyright.PENANAQT3zkd1zDi
For now, I’ll keep writing you letters in the notes app of my phone. Maybe I’ll get to show them to you one day.
60Please respect copyright.PENANAXoj4mWIQ4T
For now, I’ll keep praying for you. I really hope you can choose to be the man I fell in love with.
60Please respect copyright.PENANABtRFQzxWGr
I told you I’d see you at the next Nexus event (that’s what you call crossover events lol). I really hope I get to see you again.
60Please respect copyright.PENANAw81kJg1wQR
I think we ended things with hope. And yeah, it hurts. But that’s the best way for things to end.
60Please respect copyright.PENANAhZJx2CsBaD
The root of why things had to end:
60Please respect copyright.PENANA1ZcMhlUSSu
We were perfect for each other on the surface. But as we started to get deeper into things (like senior design projects, and money, and investments, and the future), I realized that we wanted different things.
You wanted more of a pleasurable life. You wanted things to be easier than they actually were. (I fall into that trap, too. I’m not blaming you for it, and I have a lot of work to get myself out of it.)
I want a more fulfilling life. I want someone who will make that hard work more bearable. Not someone who I feel like I need to drag along.
60Please respect copyright.PENANAwER2SAaPGL
I think that’s where things went wrong.
60Please respect copyright.PENANAK8wDZCo4Zt
And it’s okay. You and I can become more secure with ourselves. Maybe we’ll be right for each other then.
Or maybe you’ll meet a girl who will knock you off your feet. And maybe she’ll like golf and Star Wars (because we both know I don’t).
60Please respect copyright.PENANAIxNzlKUop5
There are two ways that I can be happy with this.
60Please respect copyright.PENANAghFZJi6HpO
- You and I meet a year or so from now and we have changed for the better and live happily ever after
- I’m in an amazing relationship and I run into you and you’re in an amazing relationship and we can be proud of each other
60Please respect copyright.PENANAXpEQUtFhk4
I also wouldn’t mind running into you in the fall semester and we start over as friends.
60Please respect copyright.PENANAOmr6Wj9UTt
I’m very proud of us. I think we handled this part genuinely and wonderfully. I hope we can handle the next part just as genuinely and wonderfully.
60Please respect copyright.PENANAAUBCPNsrPL
Rooting for you always,
60Please respect copyright.PENANA34C5aA1e5e
V
60Please respect copyright.PENANAB6o6hZ9Xht
60Please respect copyright.PENANANmZ526gG6N
60Please respect copyright.PENANALzLC2pHAZj
60Please respect copyright.PENANA2XWTwKrcSa
60Please respect copyright.PENANAF1yx7ttl41
60Please respect copyright.PENANAXs0QvgYRoz
60Please respect copyright.PENANAVs9Jw74Id9
60Please respect copyright.PENANAqSQ5BC52tr
60Please respect copyright.PENANAQ5HVLGse4q
60Please respect copyright.PENANACh1Pq2kMtJ
60Please respect copyright.PENANAB9rlmnc6C6
60Please respect copyright.PENANAS3GzDDeTrC
60Please respect copyright.PENANA9dFA8dkcWG
60Please respect copyright.PENANA1BOi8fK6Am
60Please respect copyright.PENANAd4ePNAYRQf
60Please respect copyright.PENANAzDCdAonErC
5/18/24
60Please respect copyright.PENANAkvfyfl9Bn6
R,
60Please respect copyright.PENANAylMKb9lqtF
For the third night in a row, I slept in your hoodie. It’s less about me missing you and more about me feeling less lonely. I know you’re thinking about me too.
60Please respect copyright.PENANAwMhkP4q8RN
I haven’t brought myself to drink the tea you bought me or even make myself a matcha. Idk why but it’s just another reminder of how you tried to care for me.
I absolutely will not throw it away though. I’ll just wait until this feeling fades and maybe when I drink it it’ll feel honorable instead of like a betrayal.
60Please respect copyright.PENANAJaL8Gtp2Ov
My mind keeps going back to the last time I saw you. We were both crying. I was wearing sunglasses, and you told me to take them off. I did.
I said, “yeah, I’m crying too.”
I think I said it a little harsher than I meant.
I put the sunglasses back on after that.
60Please respect copyright.PENANAE0OlqRt768
It was brave of you to cry in front of me. Even when I was crying behind sunglasses.
60Please respect copyright.PENANA8TAjDQQFp3
I want you to know that my decision was mine 100% alone. I did not talk to a single person until after I did what I did. I didn’t even tell anyone about what I did until after that game night with my friends.
So, for almost two hours I got to feel this churning through my body.
60Please respect copyright.PENANANQlOEWCEUE
Writing all this out makes me feel a little bit guilty because I wish I treated you gentler. I wish I could’ve done whatever was right in that moment. I don’t think I did everything wrong, but it wasn’t perfect.
60Please respect copyright.PENANAcLAmVdywsN
I hope you know I’m thinking about you too. I hope if/when we do reconnect, we are better people. I hope the next woman you meet will be more wonderful than me. I hope she’s actually the one for you.
60Please respect copyright.PENANAntmCwHwl5I
I’m realizing that “emptiness” I’m feeling in my chest is actually peace. I’m no longer whispering into the dark “I should break up with him. I should not break up with him,” trying to see which one felt more “right” in my gut. I’m no longer picturing another situation where you might lie, or where you might act immature when you shouldn’t. I’m no longer imagining us getting married, and having kids, and having a routine, only to realize that if that happened, you’d have to change a lot.
60Please respect copyright.PENANAiaON2q87ca
I’d like to state this again: the joy you’ve given me is nothing compared to this pain.
60Please respect copyright.PENANARQHSEx4BBO
You did a wonderful job loving me. I had the time of my life. I’d do the last 9 months with you again and again and again. Even though it would have to end like this.
60Please respect copyright.PENANANcM6h2JdKK
If am I the one for you, I hope God will bring us back together when the time is right. If I am not the one for you, I hope God will open our hearts to the people who actually are.
60Please respect copyright.PENANANVoyVFETYF
Hoping for our betterment always,
60Please respect copyright.PENANA9v0mQGQ5tp
V
60Please respect copyright.PENANA8w3YGsy6BL
60Please respect copyright.PENANA2i0NvQLAKa
60Please respect copyright.PENANAOLpHH6TS9H
60Please respect copyright.PENANAWtSpaDxFbM
60Please respect copyright.PENANAxsur35EUsA
60Please respect copyright.PENANAwP2ED9FF5h
60Please respect copyright.PENANAqbmNgDCNc7
60Please respect copyright.PENANAMrI4ILbLZh
60Please respect copyright.PENANADqhO3BUx2f
60Please respect copyright.PENANAfQPGpFyEUY
60Please respect copyright.PENANA2pNpQQM6HA
60Please respect copyright.PENANAjmyPxtMfCk
60Please respect copyright.PENANAagPhb10Xsw
60Please respect copyright.PENANAOhXlUtwYWC
60Please respect copyright.PENANA4ZXSO3kuRf
60Please respect copyright.PENANAiZk6KL06nH
60Please respect copyright.PENANAwQUgKexJTX
60Please respect copyright.PENANA4d2Q3lh62H
60Please respect copyright.PENANAKkZwutqLJw
60Please respect copyright.PENANAWtpz8t0Grv
60Please respect copyright.PENANAnCwJervXLJ
60Please respect copyright.PENANAMXr20Ewm0p
60Please respect copyright.PENANAhpG7sHuruI
60Please respect copyright.PENANAi3OSaZ26x6
60Please respect copyright.PENANA4gZXL1jIQf
60Please respect copyright.PENANAhxyToOZfS0
60Please respect copyright.PENANAtHDvGpjvi4
60Please respect copyright.PENANA82BNGbwsDv
5/19/25
60Please respect copyright.PENANAuAIGJUpKYZ
R,
60Please respect copyright.PENANA7y8AytXBur
Today I learned that you were writing me letters too. Is that crazy or what?😭
60Please respect copyright.PENANANw2HNF1bRV
I’m glad we got to text today. I was a bit worried it would make me miss you and hurt all over again. But it was great. You told me about some of the cool things you’ve been up to, and I got to tell you a bit about mine. In a way, we gave each other permission to move on. It was refreshing. I didn’t feel like I was betraying something when I tried to take steps forward.
60Please respect copyright.PENANAYZtGFENCX8
It’s 6:06 right now, and I’ve not cried at all today. Which means this would be the first day I haven’t cried since I ended things with you.
60Please respect copyright.PENANA0fnEWZzpk2
In the Huberman Podcast, he mentions that there is a neuron for every single face that you can recognize. I’m honored to have a neuron dedicated to your face. I’m honored to have the hundreds (maybe more?) of neurons dedicated to our memories. It means I can completely move on and still have pieces of me belong to you.
60Please respect copyright.PENANAC9p2kKZGNj
I hope you can continue to grow. You’re taking some cool steps in the right direction, now I guess it’s about sticking to them. I’m not too worried about it because I’ve put my trust in God over this.
60Please respect copyright.PENANAljzC6L7oxA
Maybe we’ll meet again and fall in love again and the foundation will be steady. Or maybe not. As long as we’re both happy.
60Please respect copyright.PENANAqK4Kc3p2ZO
60Please respect copyright.PENANAObT9DtLT7x
Holding you in my mind always,
60Please respect copyright.PENANAdH0nC2aFgF
V
60Please respect copyright.PENANAQUlhub9kPW
60Please respect copyright.PENANASdgWb7xso7
60Please respect copyright.PENANAIsZ3QmaWw9
60Please respect copyright.PENANAr8S7qiVb7M
60Please respect copyright.PENANAI59MMTP0Nk
60Please respect copyright.PENANAjqjZHay0JE
60Please respect copyright.PENANAZR0t2Oa4em
60Please respect copyright.PENANA9akJDNlkAY
60Please respect copyright.PENANAr2vN3jedUb
5/20/25
60Please respect copyright.PENANAcHjG6VRGng
R,
60Please respect copyright.PENANAQJMYZIk0eM
All of the crazy emotions are past me now 😭
I don’t feel so sad about us anymore. I feel excited for the next few semesters. I hope you’re feeling the same way.
60Please respect copyright.PENANATMf21kPafU
I still wear your hoodie to sleep. I’m not sure why I still do this, but it is quite comfortable, and I have a feeling I’ll be doing this for a while.
60Please respect copyright.PENANAKvRMBxC10f
Soon, I’ll eat the gelato that we were supposed to share. I’ll share it with my family, and I’ll try to relish in the sweetness of it instead of the ending of it.
60Please respect copyright.PENANA1AP2qaMUgu
Soon, I’ll drink the tea you bought me. When I run out, I’ll buy more, because through you, I found something I like.
60Please respect copyright.PENANAhPqaGYxWru
I’ll write you letters still, even though they might not be every day.
60Please respect copyright.PENANA3entNLzDc4
I’m thinking about you right now, and chances are, you’re thinking about me.
I think that’s absolutely beautiful. I’ve got someone who wishes the best for me. You have someone who wishes the best for you.
60Please respect copyright.PENANA65x9tZ7gaj
I think that’s as good as it gets.
60Please respect copyright.PENANAelgACGQ5QA
Praying for you always,
60Please respect copyright.PENANAi6CxAmQ8FU
V
60Please respect copyright.PENANARTns1wYpHi
60Please respect copyright.PENANAg17sl5Dhoi
60Please respect copyright.PENANAwFrOOj7rCg
60Please respect copyright.PENANAFQ4L57lnUi
60Please respect copyright.PENANAiCXC2fiEGK
60Please respect copyright.PENANAkMbtqfcvXs
60Please respect copyright.PENANAscCe0xekfV
60Please respect copyright.PENANAc69LICCPXh
60Please respect copyright.PENANAHzzjhhpoqS
60Please respect copyright.PENANAyxPghC0mP5
60Please respect copyright.PENANAg4qRnrXyh7
60Please respect copyright.PENANAqjS17HSJGX
60Please respect copyright.PENANAeBFnRtaEi0
60Please respect copyright.PENANAiFHPJRPQcR
5/21/25
60Please respect copyright.PENANAGC36fORBnd
R,
60Please respect copyright.PENANAFez6lz2MHc
Today, I was desperately looking for an aux chord when, in the crack between my computer shelf, I found that dried flower.
60Please respect copyright.PENANAczA8Kn972Y
You know, the flower you saw on the way to the gym.
You picked it, and you gave it to my sister to give to me.
I remember I smiled like an idiot.
60Please respect copyright.PENANAtFALYJnY67
And now I’m staring at the flower, feeling something like depressed acceptance in my chest, my face, my hands.
60Please respect copyright.PENANAOrla9ENzTS
And now it’s in the box where I put everything else. The journal. The letters. The necklace. The tiny stuffed panda.
60Please respect copyright.PENANArnmuO5sOBy
You’re not the person I wanted you to be. You’re not the person you wanted yourself to be.
60Please respect copyright.PENANAZsowXawXQS
So, it must be like this.
60Please respect copyright.PENANAK4TnrCPXPt
60Please respect copyright.PENANAfUuJtJQEO8
Reminded of you always,
60Please respect copyright.PENANA8M0AcLl3Oy
V
60Please respect copyright.PENANAvy4y2YfI78
60Please respect copyright.PENANALlFaglg4HD
60Please respect copyright.PENANAyK2jTq4JxQ
60Please respect copyright.PENANALs0dJ2ASQP
60Please respect copyright.PENANA7sk0swJOWt
60Please respect copyright.PENANAajTxGHw0LJ
60Please respect copyright.PENANAao8JFRp36M
60Please respect copyright.PENANAiYv4bO4a1y
60Please respect copyright.PENANAAEd5MrIaWL
60Please respect copyright.PENANAGK9cWvYr3x
60Please respect copyright.PENANAKREzVkYn2j
60Please respect copyright.PENANAW8iopVqhhI
60Please respect copyright.PENANAUIyD9zKO4q
60Please respect copyright.PENANAlrZd0mPQBD
60Please respect copyright.PENANAi4kErjhUyb
60Please respect copyright.PENANAeYCvvV9KUt
5/25/25
60Please respect copyright.PENANAVXPTpMILwH
R,
60Please respect copyright.PENANAoJIzpcm2pa
It’s been a few days. I don’t wear your hoodie to sleep anymore. I don’t incessantly think about you anymore. It doesn’t bother me so much anymore.
60Please respect copyright.PENANAcfTXkBFK9D
Part of me wants to publish everything I wrote here. Don’t worry, I’ll change the names and stuff so we can all keep our privacy. I’ll still keep the reasons I had to end things, though. Maybe, if you ever see it, you’ll hate me for doing that.
60Please respect copyright.PENANAcUjHusaD7C
If you hate me, so be it. I think capitalizing off of my feelings is a good way to process them and reclaim them as my own.
60Please respect copyright.PENANAz9bT0VipBX
If you don’t hate me, then that’s kinda cool of you.
60Please respect copyright.PENANAktavE3O7D7
I guess we’ll see.
60Please respect copyright.PENANAbpHNavyOGp
I do hope you’re doing well. I hope you haven’t fallen back into your old habits. Not because I want you back, but because I want you to be better. There’s a difference.
60Please respect copyright.PENANAdb7Dce2fYW
60Please respect copyright.PENANALnY6AbeurA
Writing about you (but not always),
60Please respect copyright.PENANATxsMXGM7wi
V
60Please respect copyright.PENANAK4z2cUSL2z
60Please respect copyright.PENANAzVjAHs7GJx
60Please respect copyright.PENANAYlhx86zyRY
60Please respect copyright.PENANAOsysHaHYHO
60Please respect copyright.PENANAmR3MqTChuM
60Please respect copyright.PENANAQrL1CBAXfv
60Please respect copyright.PENANAnPtJHQh79K
60Please respect copyright.PENANAzQpJ0yQ3Fo
60Please respect copyright.PENANA7wBmEU8S8I
60Please respect copyright.PENANAVJyj6VT1vH
60Please respect copyright.PENANA7lWbQVDZIJ
60Please respect copyright.PENANAjIVL8EZBN9
60Please respect copyright.PENANAHUf1EruPJf
60Please respect copyright.PENANANX6E8k6Dhd
60Please respect copyright.PENANAkR6vpMQ6WR
60Please respect copyright.PENANAuLwlphMrc1
5/27/25
60Please respect copyright.PENANAAFMyZERmil
R,
60Please respect copyright.PENANA6QfvO9jDS9
Today on your YouTube Music account (yes I was stalking you—sue me) I saw your new playlist. The one called “slow burn”. The one that says “distraction = regression ≠ progression”.
60Please respect copyright.PENANAoCB6keazRh
It’s so you. Your nerdy, intense way of writing things out. I still remember all the plans you’d scribble in the back of your notebooks.
60Please respect copyright.PENANAM8xaVEqKWh
I miss that part of you.
I hope that part of you is as nerdy and as intense as ever :)
60Please respect copyright.PENANAdj0raYuObk
I hope the other parts—the ones that felt like they needed to hide, or pretend to be something else—I hope those parts are becoming more authentic.
60Please respect copyright.PENANAEhGOqdfphD
You deserve to be what you wish you were.
I deserve to look into the eyes of someone and know their soul is what they say it is.
60Please respect copyright.PENANAH6WuEGfNyg
I’m sorry I can’t be the person to see all your faults and love you still.
But really, I don’t think you loved yourself with all your faults. I think you tried to hide from them.
60Please respect copyright.PENANAKrNhVpuTis
Maybe, the absence of my love for you will allow you to discover your own love for yourself.
60Please respect copyright.PENANAiTihho5ca1
Wishing the best for you always,
60Please respect copyright.PENANA8rrLPo5WRv
V
60Please respect copyright.PENANAXBIeV93odC
60Please respect copyright.PENANAefxiv4QsFe
60Please respect copyright.PENANAwZ7WdtF3W6
60Please respect copyright.PENANAdADMEc09DR
60Please respect copyright.PENANAau0Ju8SCdn
60Please respect copyright.PENANASrJfuJOIsN
60Please respect copyright.PENANAB8DqyjgOna
60Please respect copyright.PENANAR4EWbO6zeD
60Please respect copyright.PENANALg6ox5hKtw
60Please respect copyright.PENANAOdRyhwoKI4
60Please respect copyright.PENANA1x31V8U3Ai
5/29/25
60Please respect copyright.PENANAsYK5ZJbUab
R,
60Please respect copyright.PENANA1GlkGIZply
I pretended I forgot your name today.
60Please respect copyright.PENANAcc1XtYmiw9
I was at a club meeting, and a girl from my marketing class mentioned you.
She said, “I see you walking with this guy a lot. He comes here too sometimes.”
Of course, I knew it was you. I said, “Oh?”
And she mentioned how you knew Marie, and I went “Ooooooh R. Yeah!” Like you weren’t the most important thing two weeks ago.
60Please respect copyright.PENANAU0exDjkUl0
I didn’t really feel sad. I felt just a bit awkward. How do you navigate heavy things during small talk?
60Please respect copyright.PENANAhIa9ReZdcF
I still don’t feel sad. Not even now. Actually, part of me wonders if you and Marie had something going on together. She always needed your help and was always calling you. I guess I’ll never know—and that’s the sad truth about loving someone who can’t be honest.
It doesn’t matter anyway.
60Please respect copyright.PENANAVikIq4aR2z
I hope you’re doing well. I don’t really think we’re gonna get back together. Like I’m thinking that caution will always be there for me. I’m learning slowly to not expect my standards from others. Just because I uphold them doesn’t mean other people will.
60Please respect copyright.PENANAPjAHwhNgf2
Again. I hope you’re doing well. I really do.
Learning from you always,
60Please respect copyright.PENANA0PJNZzJrrT
V
60Please respect copyright.PENANA1fA9cfj1s6
60Please respect copyright.PENANAxZfxfxsAxD
60Please respect copyright.PENANAxs7q1RXlxN
60Please respect copyright.PENANAYFhrpwrBHd
60Please respect copyright.PENANA9ruhM2B9yO
60Please respect copyright.PENANAxI6YFJz7ie
60Please respect copyright.PENANAup8v94ZGs8
60Please respect copyright.PENANA6mhpAboKzr
60Please respect copyright.PENANAcuC2aQUhdE
60Please respect copyright.PENANAlEKEmTeQ3w
5/30/25
60Please respect copyright.PENANAH7GAYCMLOn
R,
60Please respect copyright.PENANAPPyTrD1YDU
Today I cried about you again for the first time in more than a week.
It was only like 3 tears, so maybe it doesn’t count. I’m gonna say that it doesn’t count. (It counts).
It was so unexpected and honestly kind of annoying. I was just starting to get back into a rhythm again.
60Please respect copyright.PENANAoJaW3wEVVw
But I got home after a fun and hard workday, and I didn’t know who to tell my day to. I mean yes. I’ve got my parents, but they aren’t the exact fit for the hole in my chest.
60Please respect copyright.PENANAcaribftjX6
I don’t miss you. R. I don’t miss you.
60Please respect copyright.PENANAuBQ5upqcok
I miss what I thought we had. I miss thinking I found the person who saw life the same way I did. I miss feeling like we were in this together. Like we were gonna put in the work and build an amazing life.
60Please respect copyright.PENANAAkauXg54UK
Be real with me. That was never gonna happen.
60Please respect copyright.PENANA30jueGUgFF
So, I’ll do it by myself.
60Please respect copyright.PENANAAau2I1dpKw
Not as fun tbh.
60Please respect copyright.PENANA4CNYriWp11
Wishing you were that good always,
60Please respect copyright.PENANAipK3K20vS9
V
60Please respect copyright.PENANAMArY4Draq5
60Please respect copyright.PENANALS2BEeElek
60Please respect copyright.PENANAPrSyBSohDz
60Please respect copyright.PENANAznQ2Pum5ll
60Please respect copyright.PENANA3MQimDbuem
60Please respect copyright.PENANAO0yyIt4s18
60Please respect copyright.PENANAvXFUIW7Ntw
60Please respect copyright.PENANAmTUZ8ahUBt
60Please respect copyright.PENANAoxEp98LZdv
60Please respect copyright.PENANACHc45jxE44
60Please respect copyright.PENANAGLYwrwLJ2n
60Please respect copyright.PENANAdg0IP6r1Xh
60Please respect copyright.PENANAhZaKno1bH9
6/01/25
60Please respect copyright.PENANAkAY0kEI7LR
R,
60Please respect copyright.PENANAEu3fnHiOoD
Last night I had this dream.
I dreamt I was on a study abroad trip. And I was on a bus late at night and I saw you. It was strange because I remember that you and I both agreed that study abroad trips were a waste of time.
But there you were. Right in front of me. The lights were white and florescent.
In my dream, I reached my hand out and ran my fingers through your hair. You had grown it out a little longer than usual.
Reaching out like that was second nature to me. I didn’t even realize I was doing it until you lightly (but firmly) grabbed my wrist with your thumb and middle finger. You guided my arm back to where it naturally hung by my side.
You looked sad that you had to do this. But you also looked resolute.
I remember thinking, “Oh. We don’t have that dynamic anymore. And it’s because I ended things.”
This entire dream was silent.
60Please respect copyright.PENANA75EIpyF6G4
I’m brought back to the night I broke up with you. When I told my sister and my parents and they understood why I ended things. I mean, your story wasn’t adding up. It seemed too complex. I didn’t want to have to navigate through another lie.
60Please respect copyright.PENANAGuoAO3QczM
I remember I cried so hard and was clenching my jaw so much, that my entire head pounded. I could feel that pressure behind my eye sockets. I could feel it radiating up the sides of my head.
60Please respect copyright.PENANApjn7JzLVZd
I don’t ache like that anymore. But sometimes I get reminded of those moments.
60Please respect copyright.PENANA7VzLE7kA23
Here’s the thing: I’m sick of being reminded of the hurt.
60Please respect copyright.PENANAR2UAQ6qY8N
I’m sick of reaching for that necklace you gave me only to realize it’s around my neck anymore.
60Please respect copyright.PENANANrKGAPfF4X
I’m sick of trying to send an image and your contact popping up. Because I used to send almost every picture I took to you.
60Please respect copyright.PENANAB4Au607WSV
I’m sick of coming home after work and realizing I don’t get to tell you about my day.
I’m sick of trying to pretend it’s all my fault. When it was actually yours.
60Please respect copyright.PENANAUEkSPWomAp
I’m sick of not hating you for it.
60Please respect copyright.PENANAkfUQWmJiYN
But I could never hate you for it. I have too many good memories with you. That will counteract any hatred I feel.
60Please respect copyright.PENANA35ljEMt8Xw
Sick of the pain (but not the memories) always,
60Please respect copyright.PENANA64kWJ3it3v
V
60Please respect copyright.PENANANEhLwTy0sq
60Please respect copyright.PENANAezvaPGM3Iq
60Please respect copyright.PENANAx7aiaCtsO6
60Please respect copyright.PENANAvkEMFECvhG
60Please respect copyright.PENANA4NJEjzsK1H
60Please respect copyright.PENANAdRBCQmwx9U
60Please respect copyright.PENANAq5VNLuVQsi
60Please respect copyright.PENANAzxgTxkv14G
60Please respect copyright.PENANAszRhFsokDm
60Please respect copyright.PENANAZjLyaryp31
60Please respect copyright.PENANAEZUA5q1SBM
60Please respect copyright.PENANAQVV09SsV5R
60Please respect copyright.PENANAN9vXEcsyPr
60Please respect copyright.PENANAEjoifUSH7L
60Please respect copyright.PENANAJPc58YFMaH
60Please respect copyright.PENANABrvGFGGX38
60Please respect copyright.PENANAZlSeOGi0In
60Please respect copyright.PENANAS8H8MKp1xh
60Please respect copyright.PENANACb0sPy3oaX
60Please respect copyright.PENANAgvZoYhZ8o4
60Please respect copyright.PENANAi6JdftSqNa
60Please respect copyright.PENANAc2TIQPA8Lv
60Please respect copyright.PENANAaE8wC0al2E
60Please respect copyright.PENANA5Xi6N8cQ4b
60Please respect copyright.PENANAaAm8pzhP0c
60Please respect copyright.PENANAeE7VCBCyKp
60Please respect copyright.PENANAhnVDzGGkxh
60Please respect copyright.PENANAA0dKUsTfzN
60Please respect copyright.PENANA8rMv4SSNB2
60Please respect copyright.PENANAv35mI4d7Sr
60Please respect copyright.PENANAIEELixJ1eL
60Please respect copyright.PENANA8CiYjgxn0j
6/2/25
60Please respect copyright.PENANAUg9HVcTkSg
R,
60Please respect copyright.PENANAfbT6Qdeeaa
Last night, the song Forever Young by Rod Stewart played. Something about that song changed the way I felt about us.
60Please respect copyright.PENANAfowfwZwkm6
You and I. That was young love. That was stupid little jokes, and breathless promises in the rain, and nervous glances.
60Please respect copyright.PENANADz2CN4rFHQ
I think real love is like that, while also going so much deeper.
Real love will have grit. And will have a passion to build the lives we want to build. One hard step at a time. It won’t be beautiful. It will be dedicated.
60Please respect copyright.PENANAw6kEI03bHC
I’m so glad things ended when they did. Because in a way, I got to preserve that. I didn’t let the love rot and decay.
The morning I broke up with you, we were running, and I hugged you and I squeezed you tight just before I let go. Then later, things turned sideways, and things ended, and that was that.
It didn’t rot and decay. It was beautiful and then it was smoke.
60Please respect copyright.PENANAhr1lp2lP3U
When I remember us, I’ll remember us sweetly. I’ll remember you as my first love.
60Please respect copyright.PENANAY5RqnECxfK
I’ve always imagined Forever Young as the song that plays when I dance with my dad at my wedding.
All he wants for me is to be true and happy. All I want for myself is to be true and happy.
60Please respect copyright.PENANAH0Hk5WtF2X
And one day I will get married, and I’ll dance with my dad, and that song will play, and I’ll be true and happy. That’s gonna happen if I marry you, or if it’s someone else. I’m gonna be happy no matter what.
You will always be part of my story no matter what.
60Please respect copyright.PENANA7hs6WHJmWk
You are gonna be happy no matter what. I know things might be hard for you right now. I know you might feel like you’ve just lost something incredibly important.
And you did, and at the same time, you gained something incredibly important.
60Please respect copyright.PENANATpxD5yrJ2C
You gained time to shape yourself into who you want to be.
60Please respect copyright.PENANAuQW4cZVIxb
I feel genuinely at peace with this. And when I feel sad, I’ll listen to that song again. As a reminder.
It’s my Dad’s message to me. And it’s also my own message to myself.
60Please respect copyright.PENANA8BB107ldp0
Dedicated to myself always,
60Please respect copyright.PENANAmSvfbdGuSd
V
60Please respect copyright.PENANASr2GnWSCgY
60Please respect copyright.PENANAHAFTfhW9uu
60Please respect copyright.PENANAUfcVLnNA2R
60Please respect copyright.PENANAmkChOdEoGW
60Please respect copyright.PENANAk6GGxIgaIH
60Please respect copyright.PENANAc9yNGiJLxe
60Please respect copyright.PENANAYO5NQfjOCh
60Please respect copyright.PENANAv6KFJjtF5t
60Please respect copyright.PENANA0BkOFK7KQi
60Please respect copyright.PENANAZi5MJXzZFC
60Please respect copyright.PENANAIKdCdIuauh
60Please respect copyright.PENANAZiycsCN9oZ
60Please respect copyright.PENANAAe4miFklrd
60Please respect copyright.PENANAuvhTiEQmAd
60Please respect copyright.PENANAgH85KFKdIM
60Please respect copyright.PENANAN0tD0dnHZ1
60Please respect copyright.PENANAmYLQgaQftn
60Please respect copyright.PENANAhUkU5oSiQu
60Please respect copyright.PENANAjwsOx0IjTd
60Please respect copyright.PENANAAyKKPCDrUr
60Please respect copyright.PENANAyaAYkUqbUB
60Please respect copyright.PENANAfBunhO6MnU
60Please respect copyright.PENANAR3hC01r0iu
60Please respect copyright.PENANAjYRIbRf5P1
60Please respect copyright.PENANAGLDVYkTENw
60Please respect copyright.PENANAHdeILrhpmd
60Please respect copyright.PENANA1sWjVwRmTQ
60Please respect copyright.PENANAwQTwvmfcU1
60Please respect copyright.PENANAb0oHhz4qW3
60Please respect copyright.PENANAqFEvZI1bj4
60Please respect copyright.PENANAeU82DIlJtx
60Please respect copyright.PENANAYGhqstcKBs
60Please respect copyright.PENANAkJCX9kyQ6K
60Please respect copyright.PENANAf9zz8gXxna
60Please respect copyright.PENANA0hnuNy6KKb
6/6/25
60Please respect copyright.PENANAiymJWcruh3
R,
60Please respect copyright.PENANA0TmmXOs1Kf
Today I ate that gelato with my family. You know, the one we planned to share.
60Please respect copyright.PENANA7w0S4MN5v5
I was worried I was gonna feel sad, but I didn’t.
It tasted really good. My sister made a joke about me making a playlist titled “that ice cream was good, though”, because we both knew you’d see it.
I laughed and made no plans to make that playlist.
In fact, I made my breakup playlists all private so you couldn’t see them anymore. Now it’s just my old regular playlists that are public.
60Please respect copyright.PENANAj40o6HJDLo
I left your text on read. Mainly because there was no way to reply to “Mhm”, and also because I didn’t want to entertain a half-hearted connection anymore.
60Please respect copyright.PENANAl3UDvkWXec
My friend checked in on me after a few weeks and I told him I was over you.
60Please respect copyright.PENANA9S6LdviQ4v
I don’t think I’m completely over you, but I think I’m close.
I don’t feel sad, or annoyed, or petty, or nostalgic.
We were. Now we’re not.
60Please respect copyright.PENANAi0Z1khn6Xb
I’m excited to meet the next guy I’ll fall in love with.
60Please respect copyright.PENANAnphs1kzJPY
Moving forward always,
60Please respect copyright.PENANA1jdDkfYU4J
V
60Please respect copyright.PENANAt54OTCSZJg
60Please respect copyright.PENANAFE3fcTcyms
60Please respect copyright.PENANAV3yZhpTMAZ
60Please respect copyright.PENANAjzl6ZHIiEK
60Please respect copyright.PENANAtSCmBm6cSD
60Please respect copyright.PENANAA8rewBekWV
60Please respect copyright.PENANAEGYZbMz4cu
60Please respect copyright.PENANAkTbHL62u1u
60Please respect copyright.PENANAlA51z0mFAo
60Please respect copyright.PENANAQMZfylTJuc
60Please respect copyright.PENANAqrA2TGMhhd
60Please respect copyright.PENANAOwj3CPbGPu
60Please respect copyright.PENANAzqPW72P4So
60Please respect copyright.PENANAIEqhw2WGJ8
6/8/25
60Please respect copyright.PENANA40LqyCSxMN
R,
60Please respect copyright.PENANA9X9FaQmI20
I’m proud to say that now there’s 14 letters in here. We met on August 14th. We ended things on May 14th.
No, it wasn’t an accident. I wrote 14 letters to you on purpose.
But everything else was on purpose, too. Me, walking up to you during game night and asking if I could play whatever you were playing.
60Please respect copyright.PENANA6wVpMOkz7A
Me tearing out that breakup letter, and it ripped. And I tapped it back together while trying to steady my breath.
Me, handing it to you. Telling you, “I’m so sorry. I really am.”
60Please respect copyright.PENANAs0E8GKzkYN
It was on purpose.
60Please respect copyright.PENANA6JWoZtFdZm
This is my last letter to you. I actually have a different draft that I wrote a week ago. It’s very mushy and dramatic and I think I’ll leave it in the notes app lol
60Please respect copyright.PENANAmX87JoagGn
I will say one semi-mushy thing though: you healed the lonely parts of me.
I was a dual enrollment student (and I also homeschooled), and I got to explore much of campus and the places around it alone. I remember feeling that loneliness all over me like a heavy sweater I couldn’t take off. And then you came along, and I got to run around with you. I covered my lonely memories with loving memories.
60Please respect copyright.PENANAkO0jDeoz7T
I’m not going back to being lonely. Now I’m gonna have that same sense of adventure but with myself.
Because it wasn’t you that made me adventurous and weird and funny—it was me.
60Please respect copyright.PENANAzJVSn1bTOR
You helped to uncover that part of me.
Thanks.
I’ll take it from here.
60Please respect copyright.PENANAP6cBYrMXwq
Actually, I have more to thank you for.
60Please respect copyright.PENANAFmqaoz8PNr
Thank you for being the first boy to want to call me.
Thank you for being the first boy to plan the future with me.
Thank you for being the first boy to proudly hold my hand.
Thank you for being the first boy to love me.
Thank you for being the first boy to break my heart.
60Please respect copyright.PENANA4XusfWAcIi
I wouldn’t have it any other way.
60Please respect copyright.PENANA6cvW90tpVu
You’re in my story always,
60Please respect copyright.PENANAbTxEfc1Ito
V
60Please respect copyright.PENANAA6dorDkwdj