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“We always wish the first person who makes our heart pound will last forever. However, forever exist but not in humans.”
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First Love
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Hindi ko alam kong dapat pa bang ituloy ang interview na ito o magwalk out na lang ako.
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Even Andy feel the tension in our table.
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“Yes, Mark was my crush before and I guess before was past and past is past, there’s no need to dig for nothing.” Confident kong sagot. Saglit kong nilibot ang paningin sa loob ng café baka hindi ako makapagpigil masabunutan ko ‘tong si Ann.
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“You’re friends with Erison, right?” Ann asked while smiling. Tsk! Mood shifter. Teka bakit si Erison nanaman ang puntirya niya?
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“Yes” ang tangi kong nasagot.
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“Kumusta siya as a friend?” Lumingon pa si Ann kay Andy bago magtanong. Nakita ko kung paano namula at nalungkot ang mukha ni Andy. Don’t tell me may gusto siya kay Erison?
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“A-Ayos lang.” Did I stutter?
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“Okay.” Tango ni Ann. “Masaya bang maging friends with your first love?” Natahimik ako at hinahanap ang salitang sasabihin ko. Paano niya nalaman na first love ko si Erison?
Huminga ako nang malalim at pareho silang tiningnan nang seryoso.
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“He’s my first love and maybe my first heartbreak.”
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Name: Erison Mirabuna
Strand: STEM
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Lahat daw ng first masaya.
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First Honor.
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First perfect exam.
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First travel out of the country.
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First time na nanalo sa raffle draw.
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First time na gumala mag-isa na walang parents.
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First love.
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Masaya, ‘di ba?
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Pero hindi lahat ng first time laging masaya ang dulot, madalas lahat ng first masakit.
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First honor ka sa pasaway.
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First failed exam.
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First delayed and cancel ang travel out of the country.
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First time na maling pangalan pala ang nabanggit sa raffle draw, akala mo kasi ikaw, kapangalan mo lang pala.
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First time na gumala sanang mag-isa ng walang magulang ang kaso hindi ka naman pinayagan.
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First love – first heartbreak din.
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Masakit, ‘di ba?
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I was looking at you. Hindi maipinta ang mukha mo. Nakakasura ba ang itsura nang mapapangasawa mo? Hinihintay mo ba akong magsalita at tumutol? Natatakot ka ba na imbis na sa langit ka mapunta ay ang destinasyon mo ay impyerno ka dalhin niya? Tiningnan mo nga ang itsura niya dinaig niya pa ang minamanas na cake kulang na lang ay lagyan ng kandila sa ulo.
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Maganda naman ang wedding dress niya. Kamukha nga niya ang long lost sister niyang si Annabelle.
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Mukha kayong hindi masaya. Dinaig ninyo ang pinagsakluban ng langit at lupa.
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Alam mo bang ako ang nagdesig ng gown niya? But still wont fit at her face. Mukha siyang hipon. Maganda ang katawan tapon ang ulo.
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So… bakit mo siya ulit pakakasalan?
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I know her. I know her a lot.
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She is your friend. She’s bitch and sophisticated but still a bitch. Did you ever ask her kung minsan pinagbantaan niya akong ‘wag kang aagawin. Guess not. Well she did.
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I’m just your ex-first love. Before you meet that ex-convict look-alike.
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Kita mo nga naman ang unggoy magpapakasal sa mala prince charming. Sana pala nagrequest ka saakin na ipatingin kita sa magaling na epsyalista sa mata.
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Paano ba kayo naging close? Inalok mob a ang kinakain mong saging sakanya? Ano bang nakita mo sakanya? Mismong mga magulang mo nag-iiyakan sa gilid tila hindi tanggap ang trahedyang at kasuklam-suklam na okasyon na ito para sa unico ijo nila.
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Oo nga pala it was all accident.
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It was.
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It was an accident, yet most painful for me.
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The ceremony has begun and as for me nagsimula na ang kalbaryo ko.
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You love me, and I love you too. But you’re going to marry that unknown creature.
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Sigurado ko kung ako ang nasa kalagayan niya you’ll be the happiest man in the universe.
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“Kung mayroon mang tutol sa kasalang ito maaring magsalita na o habang buhay itong pagsisihan.” The priest said.
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Narinig mo ba? Mismong pari nagdadalwang isip sainyong dalawa. Lumingon ka saakin at saktong natingin ako saiyo.
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I raised my hand.
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Your eyes widen. Her eyes glared at me. The people started to ask why.
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Tumayo ako. Everyone became silent.
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“Sorry na-jejebs na talaga ako hindi ko kaya. Can I excuse myself for a while?”
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Your bride sigh feels like it was a relief for her.
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I excused myself and headed out the church narining ko pa ang mga masasakit na salita galing sa mga bisita ninyo.
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Nang makalabas ako ng simbahan narinig ko ang malakas mong ‘I Do’. Napansandal ako sa gilid ng simabahan. Saka sunod-sunod na pumatak ang mga luha ko.
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Sana ako na lang ang nakasuot ng wedding gown.
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Sana ako na lang ang kaharap mo sa altar.
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Sana ako ang kasama mo ngayon.
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Sana ako na lang siya.
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Isang masigabong palakpak ang bumungad sainyo sa labas ng simabahan. Batid sa mga mukha ninyong lahat ang kasiyahan habang ako paulit-ulit na nadudurog at nadudurog sa sakit na ako na lang ang nakakaalam.
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Sabi nila lahat ng bagay sa mundo nakatakda na. Yung ma-traffic kasi may nagkabanggaan kotse. Yung mawalan ka ng tubig habang nagbabanlaw. Yung umulan at naka-Sunday dress ka. Yung sumaktong first subject ninyo ang pinaka ayaw mo sa lahat.
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Maging sa pag-ibig.
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Ang mahulog ka sakanya ay hindi mo inakala. Pero ang mahulog at masaktan ang pinaka hindi mo inasahan.
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Ganoon din kami ni Erison. First love namin ang isa’t isa pero hindi ako last love niya.
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Hindi sa ginanapan niyang play noong High School kami at maging sa totoong buhay.
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A/N: This is based on Taylor Swift song entitled ‘Speak Now’.
