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I am not dead physically, but I feel like my body can't move. I feel empty perhaps because I haven't eaten in 4 days. I feel tired endlessly, yet can never sleep. It smells like shit in here, dead things because we never know another smell. The taser of other foods smells bitter and rotten, because it's spoiled. Why is my life like a pile of shit, I never knew that answer but maybe if I start from the beginning. The very beginning when I first was born, you'll understand why I am the way I am.
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'My name is Levi, just Levi. I never really had a damn last name. So therefore, it was just a simple little name. A name given to me at birth by my mother. She died, when I was only 8 years old, I watched her die. I couldn't much do anything else but sit on the floor like a coward. Shaking, with helpless sleep and my feet pale with no shoes. A raggedy shirt that drapes down to big for me. My father die when I was born, maybe he left? I don't even know anymore. I don't even know anything really about me. I'm so sick, so tired, I feel so damn hungry I can't even move.'
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'I guess I'm just sitting here cold and alone, no one to treat me from the wounds I have. We can't go above the surface, we aren't welcome there. We would be caring diseases, bacteria that was bad for the others. Apparently, before my mother got very sick, she use to work at the parlor. I local place where people would visit and go inside for drinks. She never told me her actual job, but when she came home she would always be tired, smell like vomit and revolting meat that was sitting out for weeks. Maybe it's just me thinking to deeply on it I thought. No, it can't be, she would come home crying, as well, saying she was disgusted with what she had to do everyday.'
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'I could only assume that meant she was being completed untreated fairly at the job. Hmph, what a dumbass I was when I was younger. I know now, what my mother had to endure just to feed me, and keep me with some type of clothing. Bath me, even in the river if need be, just so I didn't get as badly sick as her. Man, I felt terrible when I couldn't provide for her or I. I never was strong enough, never had enough to be able to handle things on my own. I was a weak fragile boy, that knew nothing of the outside world. I felt I had it badder than any other person, was I wrong?'
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'Days went by without even trying to get things done around our little home. It was almost run down, no one inside that house but her and I. People could easily walk in and kill us, without a door blocking they're pathway. I wish I was dead already, why haven't I die yet? What's keeping me going? It can't be hope, I have none, maybe grief? Sadness? I shed no tear, not even when my mother got sicker and sicker. I guess I'm heartless, too frighten to move any parts of my body. So tired, of fighting for what never comes towards us. I'm sick of that feeling, I need to do something about it.'
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'March came around, and I ended up trying to steal food for myself and my mother. Medication, that could help her in a way so she wouldn't leave me. I always got caught in the end, tried to fight those adults off, but never prevailed. They tossed me aside like trash on the street, then came over and hit me with sticks, and bricks. I got a broken nose that day, and made a twisted arm. I had cried, and weeped like a baby, when I came home. My mother had gotten skinner than me, I could see her spine almost touching her chest, barely any meat left on her. This wasn't helping, I needed to try harder!'
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'May, the month of May was here, time for another round. I was able this time to grab food, manage to get a small thing of can goods. It was almost old, saggy and out of date anyhow. Although, it'll have to do for my mother and I, I wish to give it to her when I came home, yet I ran into some trouble on the way. A group of teens, much older than myself, had tackled me and took the can without my permission. I tried fighting but that never worked, I ended up getting pushed to the ground my face hitting the canvas with ease.'
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'They ended up taking that food from me, and leaving me there to die. It was the end for me, for months I've done this, and I was only 7 years old doing so. Why was this happening to me, did anyone else have to endure this pain and this suffering. It was hard enough to try and find out if I was even stealing the right foods. It's not like I could even read, write or even think properly. I decided I'd just go home and die with my mother, it was better than dying alone on the streets, waiting for someone to stab me in my neck or my back.'
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'The day I came home after some time in the town, was the worse day of my entire life. I suppose, it wasn't a surprise, it also wasn't good to witness it. My birthday a few weeks ago had past, I had turned 8 years old, and that was the beginning of a new. I guess you could say I didn't nothing but sit there rocking back and forth. I watched my mother for a few days after my birthday. I pale skin against her face, the lifeless eyes she had, the lungs that seemed to go stiff and still. It was like looking upon a zombie eating flesh and then leaving nothing but a corpse. She was so stiff and unable to move, couldn't even move a muscle.'
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'I felt terrible, and even then, felt like my entire body couldn't move either. I suppose this is where I end, at the age of 8 so young, and so little. I won't get upset though, everyone dies eventually, I just wish I had a last name at least, something that would be more meaningful or gave me the strength to go down as someone and not just another homeless sick boy. When my felt my eyes start to go hazel, almost lifeless like my mother, I blinked in that moment and realized she was dead. She must've died, without me seeing it really, because I was looking at her the whole time. At least that's what I believed I was doing, wasn't I staring at her? Man, I can't fucking even remember anymore.'
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'A few minutes, turned into hours, and those hours turned into days, I sat on that floor watching my mother. I couldn't believe she died, without even saying goodbye, or not even bothering to speak her mind, and tell me how she felt about me. I guess I'll never know now, I might as well join her in the end, I have nothing left in me anyways. I can't say I'm not a little afraid to pass away, I'm terrified of death, I'm afraid of where I'd go, and what would become of my body the next. I'll never find out, and that's just how life is, it's a shit pile of fucking excuses and madness. At least in this world it is, because nothing I've known will never be outside his underground hell hole.'
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"Hey kid?" A deep voiced man, approached inside the little shack. He sat down on the chair, and didn't know what else to say. Looking at the lady who was laid within the bedspread completely gone. Levi, looked up almost like he hadn't slept within weeks, his saggy eyes, and his shriveled hair that was somewhat long in the back. Jet black darkness for his hair, and then his green eyes that seemed to lose its color. He didn't know who this man was, but it seemed that he was still going to just come Inside. Levi felt it must've been someone his mother knew. Perhaps, he could've been someone who came to steal something from them, as if they had something to give.
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Levi didn't speak back, however he knowledge the man's presence, as he step into the room. His drench coat and hat that seemed to cover his face mostly, when he looked up his beard have been shaved off, and he had a button top shirt, with some denim jeans. Cowboy boots on, that had the little jingle in the back of them, so you'd know he was coming around. "You knew this lady?" He asked Levi, as Levi felt a-little puzzle and then didn't bother to be hesitant to speak. His voice soft but a little firm, and almost completely ill.
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"She's my mother" he proclaimed.
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"Ah- mother huh? I'm guessing, your the son then." He respond back. "What's your name boy?" He pierced his eyes at Levi, as he wanted him to answer him with a voice.
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"Levi.... it's Levi." Levi told the man.
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"Hmph, Levi is it. Well, nice to meet ya Levi my name's, Grim." Grim slowly turned his attention back to the woman, as he felt a softness in his eyes. He then parted his lips about to speak something. "I'm sorry, Mary, but I—I couldn't be here for ya all those years." He added on. "Please forgive me, maybe ya, you'll do better from now on." He finished saying.
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"She's dead..." Levi said coldly.
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"..... for how long?" Grim asked.
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In a way Levi was surprised to see that Grim wasn't shocked by it. He seemed way to calm for it as well, as if he'd would've known she was going to die. Levi although being so young, couldn't much well do anything about it, if Grim had something to do with his mother's death.
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"For a few days now, she's just been laying there, and I guess I've been waiting for myself to join her." Levi protested.
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Grim narrowed his eyes and then slowly gotten up from the chair. He then walked over to Levi, as Levi was curled up into a ball, like a baby, his knees touching his boney chest, and his eyes looking upward at Grim, as Grim bent down a little to see Levi more. He then sighed, as he looked back at Mary one last time, and then turned back to Levi to speak something towards him. His hands draping over his knees, as his feet parted in a way so he could keep his balance.
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"Not today your not kid. Come on, let's go." He told Levi and then got up touching the top of his hat in a nod way.
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"Huh?" Levi said confusingly
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"Well do you wanna stay here and let the dogs get ya? Or do you want to go back to my place where I could feed ya and give you somewhere to sleep?" Grim told him.
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Levi felt a little bit of pain, when he gulped, yet he was a sigh of peace. For once, he didn't realize people like Grim existed in this world. For him to take Levi in underneath him, was beyond him, and for what it was worth, he was relieved about it. Levi then felt himself trying to get up, but to weak to do so. Grim looking back glancing as this pale body and his dry itched skin, with a flaky shed of skin. He then slowly picked Levi up and carried him. Levi wrapping one of his arms around Grim's neck in hopes he wouldn't fall over. He then gave Levi a sincere look, as Levi looked down on him for a second, his eyes shimmering.
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"Don't worry kid, I promise, I won't let nothing happen to ya. By the time I'm done, you'll be a changed man." He said, holding into Levi as they walked out of his house. Levi looked at Grim quietly with a small calmness, he wasn't able to say anything to what Grim said, because he didn't know what to say. He then narrowed his eyes down, as his eyes looked lifeless in them, not an emotion what so ever, but deep down, he was grateful by Grim's words and his offer.
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