To My First Love,
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I don't know what to say first.
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I know that you're happy now with your family.
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But, I just want to say this feeling of mine even if it's to late.
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Do you know that I loved you before? You are my first love. I know my confession is worthless but I just want to get it out so I can forget you and my feelings that I hid for a long time.
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You know I never expected to meet you in my last year of high school. I don't know why but you were the first guy who made me experienced all the feelings I was just thinking about.
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You are the one who made me feel that I can also be a first choice even if it's just about choosing a partner for a school activity, which is often a boy and a girl. I know that's a shallow reason, but since I'm not pretty I'm always waiting for the last person left without a partner. You made me feel that I was special to you, because every time you saw I'm tired and sweaty, you would fan me even if I didn't say anything.
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You are kind and considerate to me which I have never seen you do to our other female classmates. So we are often made fun by our classmates.
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And when they ask what we have you just laugh and don't give a clear answer so I couldn't help but hope.
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With your simple gestures, I didn't realize that I was slowly falling in love with you and I only realized that one day when I saw you with another girl.
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Suddenly, the pain in my chest was drawn at that moment and I was no longer able to continue my plan to get closer to you.
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But I still hope that my feelings for you will be reciprocated.
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But I don't understand why.
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Why didn't you clarify everything?
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I know that you know that I look up to you because even your friend making fun of us. But why didn't you say anything?
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You just passed it all on one tricky question? You asked me if I also knew the girl you were talking about and even though I was confused, I said that she used to be my classmate.
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And when I asked why you were asking, you just laughed and said he was your sister. Since I pass it as a joke, I just ignored it.
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Until I discovered the truth but it was too late. I know that you know how I feel because you wouldn't ask that question for no reason.
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But why didn't you tell the truth? Until the class year ended and I knew it was impossible for us to see each other again because we live in different places.
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But even though I know there is no certainty that I will see you again, I still hope that when we meet again, I will have a chance.
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But it's no longer possible because three years later I accidentally saw you from a distance with the girl you were with and the bulge in her stomach was obvious. And only then did everything become clear to me. It hurts that it's probably the truth and you just made a fool of me.
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Do you know that to this day I still remember you often and I wonder what we would have been like if I had said my feelings. But I'm also secretly relieved to think that we didn't become. Especially that I can't help you either because I'm not I used to be, my body can move the way it used to be. And I can't do anything alone anymore.
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Thank you because even for a moment you made me feel how to be noticed and appreciated by a man.
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And at the same time as the end of this letter, I finally let go of any remaining feelings I have for you.
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I wish you a happy and wonderful life together with your wife and children.
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Thank you.
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